Drunkest You've Ever Been Story Thread

[CYCLNST8]

I believe it was VEISHEA 07 that I couldn't wait for the bathroom line at Subway on Welch Ave, so I went out back. Right after I finished I turned to see a DPS officer waiting for me. I tried to be respectful as possible telling him it was an emergency, and that yes; I had been drinking. He told me it was my lucky day and let me go. The entire patio at Cy's Roost cheered.

 

[dualthreat]

a buddy of mine did vodka bongs at spring break. i wasn't with him, but he flat-lined at the hospital and had to have his stomach pumped. smh

 

[CRcyclone6]

In Liberty, Mo for Nationals softball tourney. Thursday night before tourney started. We came down early, stopped at Victors in Des Moines to eat and watch ISU football on tv. Got to Liberty and went to a bar. Beer, shots, beer, shots, etc all night. Met a cop and his GF at this bar. Went to their place to continue drinking and playing darts all night long. Real cool people. Woke up in the front seat our Town n Country mini van with another teammate in the back. Other 2 guys were laying in the yard and woke up when school kids were getting on the bus. Renamed the van the Town and Country Inn after that.

Story continues at Perkins after waking up. We were inside and this other table of dudes were looking at us. We were like, "what the ****" to each other. They asked us, "don't you guys play for such and such team" We looked at each other, "uh ****, what did we do last night" We said yes, and why do you ask? They said, "oh we are xxxx team from Des Moines, and you guys killed us at State" Thank God that was all. Whew. We had no clue who those guys were.

 

[GrindingAway]

Started with the Nadas at Peoples. Then it gets really fuzzy. I ended up at a buddies apartment on the living room floor and he was in his room with some girl he brought home from the bar. The apartment was laid out a lot like mine with his room in the same place as my room. I apparently got up at some point and climbed in bed with him and the girl. He pushed me out and I apparently slept face down on his bedroom floor for several hours. I woke up standing in his closet peeing.

Things didn't work out with him and that girl for some reason .

 

[Al_4_State]

One of my finest hours was early in the first semester of my junior year at ISU (fall of '05).

We threw a Thursday night party at our apartment on the first Thursday of the school year. There was a girl at the party who had wanted to hook up with my brother a few weeks ago, but he was still dating his HS girlfriend and turned her down. She had been flirting with me all week via text messages, facebook, etc.

At the end of the evening, she decided she was going to spend the night in my room. I was pleased with this, as she was reasonably attractive and I was very, very intoxicated. Immediately following relations, this young lady ajourned herself to the rest room.

Now, I need to take a little side bar and point out that at this juncture in time, my roomates and I had created a little game around harassing whomever was dumb enough to drunkenly pass out in their room, or bring a girl back there and not lock the door.

While she was in the bathroom, my booze addled mind forgot about what had just happened and was only able to comprehend three things: 1) I was very, very drunk; 2) I was naked; 3) my door was unlocked. Wanting to avoid some kind of degrading prank, I locked the door and promptly passed out.

Three hours later I awake to pounding on the door and my cell phone blowing up. In my attempt to protect myself from meddling, I had locked my female companion out of my room while she was completely naked. She had spent the last three hours running around my apartment naked, eventually finding a towel, and then waking up my roomates (one of whom tried to "console" her), and pounded on my door until I finally responded. I let her back in, went to bed, and in the morning she made me toast and eggs.

Shortly thereafter, she joined the SALT Company and became a "born again virgin" or whatever they call that.

 

[Tailg8er]

One year on Halloween (my bday) in Ames:

Had a party where I consumed a few too many shots. Around 9 or 10, I took 2 5 Hour Energy shots. Literally 10 minutes later I was passed out..

At about 2 in the morning a buddy came in my room & woke me up cause he wanted to keep drinking. I started back up with him, & somehow we got the idea to wander around Ames in our costumes..

So as The Hamburglar & Greenman, we walked thru a couple dorm buildings, stopped by Welch, & ended up on Hunt street. Once there, we found a random rope hanging from a tree & proceeded to swing back & forth on it for an hour or so..

Still don't know how we didn't get arrested that night..

 

[Die4Cy]

I've got some good ones, but there's no way in Hades I'd relay them here. Stuff on the interwebz lives forever.

 

[brother bob]

My friends told me about a time, one summer, when I, all of 5'6" 120#, challenged a friend of mine, 6'3" 250#, to a shot/match contest with Seagram's 7! It was a Wednesday around 6pm, which is about all I can remember...I held my own, from what they had told me until around 1am and then quietly got up, went out to my car, crawled up on the hood and passed out. Knowing that I had to work in the morning my challenger friend covered me up with his niece's Princess blanket and put a home made 'do not disturb' sign on me.

They have pix but won't let me have them. My challenger has the pic framed and hung on the wall of his 'man cave' and the frame has a notation of 'WINNER' inscribed in the wood.

Pretty funny now that I think about it.

By the way, I don't know how but I made it to work the next day and my boss told me that I looked like hell and sent me home...the following day was worse - believe me!

 

[leroycyclone]

I passed out in a Popeye's in Harlem at around 4 in the morning once. Does that qualify?

Are you familiar with the Deegan to Bruckner Expressway through Soundview, The Bronx to the Hutchinson River Parkway? There's a White Castle in Soundview just off the Bruckner. That's not the best place to get a bag full of bellybombers at 2:00am. Did that several times.

 

[KCCLONE712]

One year on Halloween (my bday) in Ames:

Had a party where I consumed a few too many shots. Around 9 or 10, I took 2 5 Hour Energy shots. Literally 10 minutes later I was passed out..

At about 2 in the morning a buddy came in my room & woke me up cause he wanted to keep drinking. I started back up with him, & somehow we got the idea to wander around Ames in our costumes..

So as The Hamburglar & Greenman, we walked thru a couple dorm buildings, stopped by Welch, & ended up on Hunt street. Once there, we found a random rope hanging from a tree & proceeded to swing back & forth on it for an hour or so..

Still don't know how we didn't get arrested that night..

Oh Hot Damn, this is my Jam

 

[brentblum]

I was pretty smoked at the KU game this year. After being egged on by my buddies, I re-enacted "The Run" in G7, yelling Pete Taylor's call out as I wobbled between tailgating set ups. At the culmination of the run ("OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT A RUN BY WALLACE"), I spiked a half drank beer between my legs, grabbed my crotch and yelled "HOLD MA ****!" (like the Marshawn Lynch Youtube vid).

The weekends I spent in College Station and Austin were pretty damn drunk.

http://www.widerightnattylite.com/2010/5/18/2454264/that-time-rc-slocum-tried-to-murder-us

http://www.widerightnattylite.com/2010/10/28/2454418/wrnl-does-texas

:notworthy: Amazing.

 

[Al_4_State]

One time I went to a buddy's house on West Street for a case race.

My plan was to just stop by and say "hi" before heading to another party. I had a few 40s of Colt 45 that were on fire sale in a back pack. When we get to the party, everyone is really into the case race, and it's a super competitive atmosphere. Just feeling compelled to drink, I chug an entire 40 of the Colt 45, in one take. As I'm chugging, I realize the whole party has gone quiet. Everyone is watching, as I finish the bottle, cheers erupt. My buddy decides I'm doing shots of JD the rest of the night.

With 30 minutes, I'm blacked out. I wake up several hours on the floor of the bathroom, completely naked and laying in a puddle of lukewarm water. I've locked myself in there, and had turned the shower on. Somehow I must have accidentally trained the showerhead towards the floor, and then just passed out on the floor next to it.

In this brief moment of clarity, I get up, dry off, put my clothes on and take off. My girlfriend at the time found me about an hour later, sleeping on a drive way along Wilmoth.

 

[bos]

One of my finest hours was early in the first semester of my junior year at ISU (fall of '05).



Shortly thereafter, she joined the SALT Company and became a "born again virgin" or whatever they call that.

She probably should have just set herself on fire. Probably do better job cleaning you off of her than finding Jesus would.

 

[RonMexico]

Raise your hand if you've ever mistaken a closet for the bathroom? Woken your lady friend up to he sound of a heavy urination stream against the bedroom wall? **** in a random yard?

 

[cmoore_23]

I can't say my drunkest as my dad is on this site and might yell at me... but one of the drunkest nights I had I was at my friends place and I was leaning on someone and they moved and I slid down the wall and took off the wall controll for the AC/Heat... and then went up stairs and tried to sleep in a closet.. then I guess in the middle of the night slept walked down to the basement to use the bathroom down there even though there was a bathroom upstairs and on the main floor.. Im pretty sure there have been quite a few others but memory is a bit fuzzy

 

[Al_4_State]

She probably should have just set herself on fire. Probably do better job cleaning you off of her than finding Jesus would.

It was generally the only solution I recommended in those days.

 

[djcubby]

One of my finest hours was early in the first semester of my junior year at ISU (fall of '05).

We threw a Thursday night party at our apartment on the first Thursday of the school year. There was a girl at the party who had wanted to hook up with my brother a few weeks ago, but he was still dating his HS girlfriend and turned her down. She had been flirting with me all week via text messages, facebook, etc.

At the end of the evening, she decided she was going to spend the night in my room. I was pleased with this, as she was reasonably attractive and I was very, very intoxicated. Immediately following relations, this young lady ajourned herself to the rest room.

Now, I need to take a little side bar and point out that at this juncture in time, my roomates and I had created a little game around harassing whomever was dumb enough to drunkenly pass out in their room, or bring a girl back there and not lock the door.

While she was in the bathroom, my booze addled mind forgot about what had just happened and was only able to comprehend three things: 1) I was very, very drunk; 2) I was naked; 3) my door was unlocked. Wanting to avoid some kind of degrading prank, I locked the door and promptly passed out.

Three hours later I awake to pounding on the door and my cell phone blowing up. In my attempt to protect myself from meddling, I had locked my female companion out of my room while she was completely naked. She had spent the last three hours running around my apartment naked, eventually finding a towel, and then waking up my roomates (one of whom tried to "console" her), and pounded on my door until I finally responded. I let her back in, went to bed, and in the morning she made me toast and eggs.

Shortly thereafter, she joined the SALT Company and became a "born again virgin" or whatever they call that.

Wow, one night with Al and she felt so bad that she needed to get saved...

 

[Al_4_State]

Wow, one night with Al and she felt so bad that she needed to get saved...

One time a buddy of mine was mine was bragging about all of his sexual exploits (which were considerably more numerous than mine), and I quipped something to the effect of "once you turn a girl religious, come talk to me".

 

[JUKEBOX]

Awaiting another story from Al...

 

[BKLYNCyclone]

About two years ago I met up in Chicago for a bachelor party for a friend. The group of us hadn't seen each other in one place for quite some time, so we went all out. It was particularly bad as we drank like we were still in college but were a solid 5 years removed from it. The 4 of us were sprinting from bar to bar (must have been hilarious as 3 of the 4 of us have put on some weight). There were a couple of mid street tackles, I think I fell into a fenced off tree enclosure on the sidewalk and got stuck like a turtle. We all had some skinned knees as well. We also managed to get kicked out of 2 bars back to back (one of us fell off our chair in the first, the other tried to "help" by taking the mop from the waitress to mop the floor at the 2nd place, while the other idiot was smacking a huge plate glass window with his hand...) We then proceeded to get screamed at by a father of a 1 month baby in the middle of the street because we woke up his kid (******** on that, he was just mad at his poor decision to live (and raise a 1 month old) next to a bar, we weren't actually loud, but got it cuz we looked the drunkest). One of us then got lost (the same guy who always turns up missing) and our host (the groom) had to go find him walking some sketchy part of town. 2 of us puked, and then had to get up early to go kayaking in the chicago river. Being a large dude, and slight drunk still, I managed to fall into the backwaters of the chicago river (green/purple film on top of the water) while getting into the damn kayak.. Spent the trip sitting in a puddle of water (couldn't tell if I was ******** myself or just farting every time I farted) freaking out as I staired at 10-15 foot metal/ concrete walls and no bank/beach while being assaulted by chicago architecture tour river boats that poured water into the tops of our kayaks (i was already sitting lower than I should have been). We lost one dude but luckily were close to the only floating dock we saw the whole trip and managed to get him back into his kayak... After that we all sobered up a bit and had a hard time drinking much more as we all felt like crap. I left the next day and the chicago river water must have got me at O-Hare as I managed to vomit so hard in the bathroom that I shat myself and had to change my pants in the stall. Somehow I managed to still make my flight without incident and then even took the train and walked a mile home in NYC... My wife was not impressed.