I’m an introvert, do I need help?

[cytor]

I'm a big time extrovert. I'm in sales, I like meeting new people, and have zero problem giving speeches in crowded situations.

If you are introverted, and want to branch out a bit, I highly recommend counseling... they helped my son in a huge way with his anxieties..... he's a whole new person now.

If you are happy being introverted, all the power to you. I don't judge people either way. If you are looking for some minor help to navigate social situations while you are out milling around, then I think counseling can be a big help.

 

[NickTheGreat]

I"m also that textbook introvert. Especially if I know somebody, I'll talk alot and I'm comfortable talking in front of groups, telling jokes, etc. But it really drains me, and I need 'recovery' 'time afterwards.

 

[pourcyne]

Good Lord, look what marketing has done to us all.

Media teaches women that they are too fat, too thin, too ugly, too beautiful, too tall, too short, too silly, too serious, too hysterical, too cold, too fruitful, too sterile...

It teaches men that they are too rude, too spineless, too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too bald, too hairy, too smelly, too weak, too unqualified, too overqualified...

And on and on.

I'm with Knapp Shack. If you feel okay with how you are, then you are okay with how you are, and to hell with anyone else who tries to tell you that you're not.

In fact, you are to be congratulated if you are content with yourself and your situation. That is a rare gift indeed.

 

[AllInForISU]

Good Lord, look what marketing has done to us all.

Media teaches women that they are too fat, too thin, too ugly, too beautiful, too tall, too short, too silly, too serious, too hysterical, too cold, too fruitful, too sterile...

It teaches men that they are too rude, too spineless, too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too bald, too hairy, too smelly, too weak, too unqualified, too overqualified...

And on and on.

I'm with Knapp Shack. If you feel okay with how you are, then you are okay with how you are, and to hell with anyone else who tries to tell you that you're not.

In fact, you are to be congratulated if you are content with yourself and your situation. That is a rare gift indeed.

Counterpoint:

If you’re bringing concerns about it to a message board, are you really ok with how things are going for you? Why even bring it up to a bunch of people who will undoubtedly overanalyze it.

It’s not like any of us asked for the information. If you’re going to solicit responses about a topic like this, you probably have something going on.

 

[AuH2O]

Counterpoint:

If you’re bringing concerns about it to a message board, are you really ok with how things are going for you? Why even bring it up to a bunch of people who will undoubtedly overanalyze it.

It’s not like any of us asked for the information. If you’re going to solicit responses about a topic like this, you probably have something going on.

Maybe, but American culture in media, including social media seems to put an incredible amount of inflated value on people being extroverted. It's easy for a perfectly happy introvert to see this constantly and question if there is something wrong with them.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

Maybe, but American culture in media, including social media seems to put an incredible amount of inflated value on people being extroverted. It's easy for a perfectly happy introvert to see this constantly and question if there is something wrong with them.

Agreed but by his own account he has very bad anxiety in social situations, that’s different then just being an introverted person

People throw those labels of introvert and extrovert around way to easily for how broad they are and often aren’t absolute. It’s usually about trust, stress, and past experiences

 

[bawbie]

Here's something that I never knew until recently about some introverts...Our son (age 21) is an introvert. However, when he's in a public setting with his friends, he is very much an extrovert. When he interacts with others, he is very animated, takes part in the conversations, and is extremely funny. But those interactions take a lot of social energy for him. He can turn on that gear, and then turn it off. After a social event, he requires a fair bit of time to decompress. As parents, we were concerned about the amount of time he spends alone. We were concerned that maybe his time alone was due to depression. But he just needs that extra alone time to decompress.

I was coming here to describe much the same thing - and I think it's important to separate social anxiety and social enjoyment from the Introvert / Extrovert discussion.

Introvert / Extrovert is entirely about whether those social interactions expend or replenish your social energy levels. And for extroverts who thrive off of the lifeblood social energy they receive from social interactions, its really hard to understand what it means for others to have those social interactions be physically draining.

My wife and teenager are both rather severe introverts, although my wife can be very social at times - it has to be limited because it's completely draining for her. I've always considered myself an introvert and I was very shy as a kid - but I realize now that its more anxiety / ADHD symptoms (RSD) than it is being an introvert. There are times at work, or at some social events (like a graduation party or family reunion where I haven't seen people in a long time) where it makes me feel very energized and almost giddy and it takes me a while to wind down afterwards. But there are many other social events where I just don't want to interact or talk to anyone because of anxiety and RSD.

It's a fascinating topic - and I agree completely with the "do what make you happy" advice, that's the most important. There's absolutely nothing to "fix" about being in introvert, or and extrovert, or even having anxiety - as long as it's not affecting your ability to do the things you want to do and be happy.

 

[ISUCyclones2015]

If I see one more woman on tinder call themselves an extroverted introvert I might lose my mind. You’re just an introvert with friends.

Ain’t nothing wrong with being introverted. I think the poster that said the are you alone or lonely, and if you don’t know that answer, might be time to seek help and figure it out. Social anxiety ain’t fun, even extroverts experience it and I might say it’s tougher for them when they get it.

I am on the extroverted side of things for the most part but have no problem doing things alone but I’m not lonely when I’m doing them. I’m doing what I want to do in that moment and will either strike up a conversation if it’s a more social setting or just enjoy whatever it is I’m doing. I eat out alone a lot because of my work travels and people think it’s nuts.

 

[demoncore1031]

I’m a big time introvert…. is that okay??

Any kind of social gathering of any kind, and I’m just anxious and stressed out and would like to crawl into a hole and disappear. Even family gatherings too when I know everyone.

But then you see all these studies about how everyone needs social interaction, and being a loner is not healthy at all.

But I’m perfectly happy when I’m alone. I read somewhere that there’s a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. I’m definitely not lonely at all. Thoughts?

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. People are overrated anyways. As long as you're happy and you said you're not lonely then don't even worry about it.

 

[CascadeClone]

Good Lord, look what marketing has done to us all.

Media teaches women that they are too fat, too thin, too ugly, too beautiful, too tall, too short, too silly, too serious, too hysterical, too cold, too fruitful, too sterile...

It teaches men that they are too rude, too spineless, too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too bald, too hairy, too smelly, too weak, too unqualified, too overqualified...

But if you don't feel insecure about yourself, how will they ever sell you anything?

They've done it to women forever in fashion mags, etc. and now they are going after men more and more. Yeah, take a shower and wear deodorant, but don't think everyone will laugh at you if you don't have the trendy brand.

Its off the OP topic, but this is one of my windmills to tilt at.

 

[bawbie]

I'm early 40s but my therapist is pretty sure that if I were 25 years younger I would be diagnosed as having a spectrum disorder and a whole lot of things clicked for me once that was mentioned.

Yeah, me too. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, and my therapist has pointed out several things that I do/think that are spectrum-ish.

I would add one thing - therapy can be helpful for anyone; you don't have to feel like something is really wrong to go to therapy. Like the question in the OP is probably better asked to a professional than a message board Just having someone to talk to who I don't have to worry about how they are going to respond or what they will think about me has been wonderful.

 

[pourcyne]

Counterpoint:

If you’re bringing concerns about it to a message board, are you really ok with how things are going for you? Why even bring it up to a bunch of people who will undoubtedly overanalyze it.

It’s not like any of us asked for the information. If you’re going to solicit responses about a topic like this, you probably have something going on.

Maybe.

Or maybe the person just thought that this was a good place to ask a question and figures s/he might get some interesting feedback.

FWIW, a person can be curious and an introvert at the same time.

Introversion does not mean that you are deeply troubled, flawed, or that you live under a rock and have no contact whatsoever with the outside world.

Following your logic, if a person does NOT ask such questions on a message board, that must mean they are a social megalomaniac, right? Nah, I didn't think so.

I've read the OP in other threads here. Seems pretty normal to me.

Is it okay to be an introvert?

Yes, it’s okay to be an introvert—or someone who enjoys spending time by themselves. You might feel pressure to change when you see people being praised for being outgoing or social, but not only is there nothing wrong with being introverted, there are a lot of strengths to being an introvert...

screening.mhanational.org

 

[AllInForISU]

Maybe.

Or maybe the person just thought that this was a good place to ask a question and figures s/he might get some interesting feedback.

FWIW, a person can be curious and an introvert at the same time.

Introversion does not mean that you are deeply troubled, flawed, or that you live under a rock and have no contact whatsoever with the outside world.

Following your logic, if a person does NOT ask such questions on a message board, that must mean they are a social megalomaniac, right? Nah, I didn't think so.

I've read the OP in other threads here. Seems pretty normal to me.

Is it okay to be an introvert?

Yes, it’s okay to be an introvert—or someone who enjoys spending time by themselves. You might feel pressure to change when you see people being praised for being outgoing or social, but not only is there nothing wrong with being introverted, there are a lot of strengths to being an introvert...

screening.mhanational.org

Being an introvert is fine. Having, by his own admission, seemingly crippling anxiety while being around anyone in a social gathering, including family, is not an introvert.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

Maybe.

Or maybe the person just thought that this was a good place to ask a question and figures s/he might get some interesting feedback.

FWIW, a person can be curious and an introvert at the same time.

Introversion does not mean that you are deeply troubled, flawed, or that you live under a rock and have no contact whatsoever with the outside world.

Following your logic, if a person does NOT ask such questions on a message board, that must mean they are a social megalomaniac, right? Nah, I didn't think so.

I've read the OP in other threads here. Seems pretty normal to me.

Is it okay to be an introvert?

Yes, it’s okay to be an introvert—or someone who enjoys spending time by themselves. You might feel pressure to change when you see people being praised for being outgoing or social, but not only is there nothing wrong with being introverted, there are a lot of strengths to being an introvert...

screening.mhanational.org

Not a single person has said that being an introvert is wrong. Society tends to reward extroverts more but again no one is saying half the things you are implying here.

Guys looking for some perspective and mentioned how bad his anxiety is. That’s different than being introverted and again those terms are so broad and in flux that they almost shouldn’t be used.

As I said before even for introverts there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

 

[CyberJJJ]

I’m a big time introvert…. is that okay??

Any kind of social gathering of any kind, and I’m just anxious and stressed out and would like to crawl into a hole and disappear. Even family gatherings too when I know everyone.

But then you see all these studies about how everyone needs social interaction, and being a loner is not healthy at all.

But I’m perfectly happy when I’m alone. I read somewhere that there’s a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. I’m definitely not lonely at all. Thoughts?

It’s okay to be an introvert…but that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t still need help.

I am so extroverted I was married to my wife for five years before I realized she was an introvert...I just thought she was a good listener!

Seriously though, there’s a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Some people recharge around crowds. Some recharge in quiet. Nothing wrong with that.

The big Harvard happiness study found that the strongest predictor of long life and overall wellbeing wasn’t money, fame, or even success — it was the quality of close relationships. Not the quantity. You don’t need to become the life of the party or force yourself into nonstop social situations.

But isolation and loneliness are hard on us. They’ve found chronic loneliness can be as damaging to health as smoking or obesity. So the goal probably isn’t “be more extroverted.” It’s just making sure you still have meaningful connections with a few people who know you and care about you.

If you’re genuinely content alone, not depressed, not bitter, not disconnected from everyone… you’re probably just introverted, not broken. The world could honestly use a few more people who know how to sit quietly without turning on a podcast, scrolling TikTok, and joining three group chats at once.

 

[pourcyne]

Being an introvert is fine. Having, seemingly, crippling fear while being around anyone, including family, is not an introvert.

Um whut? I feel anxious sometimes in a group. Depends on what's going on.

I also prefer not to associate with most of my relatives because their religious and political beliefs are in no way related to mine and I am uncomfortable when I am around most of them. I would not choose to be their friend if we were not relatives. That's perfectly normal.

What's more, such discomfort ain't crippling fear. It's just about comfort zones. They're different for everyone.

Cheezus. Dial it down a notch, bruh.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

Um whut? I feel anxious sometimes in a group. Depends on what's going on.

I also prefer not to associate with most of my relatives because their religious and political beliefs are in no way related to mine and I am uncomfortable when I am around most of them. I would not choose to be their friend if we were not relatives. That's perfectly normal.

What's more, such discomfort ain't crippling fear. It's just about comfort zones. They're different for everyone.

Cheezus. Dial it down a notch, bruh.

So much of this discussion is going so far over your head here and you’re making comments totally unrelated to what is being said in regards to the original poster.

Might want to either sit back and listen or step aside

 

[pourcyne]

As I said before even for introverts there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

I for one do not believe in ramping everything up into high drama.

I believe when someone expresses anxiety, it is best to answer them calmly and reassuringly, not blow it up into some kind of intrapersonal armageddon.

That's how I roll.

 

[MeanDean]

I was always kind of an extrovert around people I knew. Cracking people up in class, talking too much (having to stay after school). In certain situations with a lot of things that truly interest me, I am very outgoing and interactive. But put me in a situation where I am not mentally engaged and I lose interest and quit participating quickly.

In other words, I can't 'fake it' very long. People have asked me if I'm tired because I'm just sitting there waiting to leave. My S.O. has accused me of looking bored. I guess I am.

Speaking of which, my S.O. is much more extroverted than me. And a good friend/neighbor in FL is too. Get the three of us together and I cannot even get a word in without shouting to interrupt. That is just as frustrating as being bored. So there is a big negative to hanging around with extroverts who cannot shut up. And go from one story to the next, often without even finishing the first. They say I'm 'quiet.' I'm not, they just never STFU, LOL.

 

[FriendlySpartan]

I for one do not believe in ramping everything up into high drama.

I believe when someone expresses anxiety, it is best to answer them calmly and reassuringly, not blow it up into some kind of intrapersonal armageddon.

That's how I roll.

Shocker that’s how the boomer rolls. Again it’s not about you. You’re not the poster that is being discussed or asking for input