I'm not a scientist, but it's pretty clear to me that humans need social interaction to stay healthy. The good news is that can take many forms. I play softball with people I know and like, meaning there's no social pressure, but it could be something as simple as inviting a friend over to play video games or have dinner (if you like to cook) or going to a movie. I'm an introvert who works remotely, so I always want to at least go to a bar or restaurant even if I'm just meeting one friend. But the point is to try to do the activities you like with someone else or a small group of people you're comfortable with
I’m an introvert, do I need help?
- Thread starter clonedude
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So it sounds like you are of the opinion that it isn’t good for me, and I should get help, is that right?
The thing for me though is that I’m perfectly happy like this, so should I have to change? Has it been proven it isn’t healthy to be this way??
There are some good books on this topic. There's a lot of misconception about this.
The oversimplified answer is after you interact with other people for some time, do you end up feeling energized or drained? The former is an extravert, and the latter is an introvert.
Everybody needs social interaction. The level to which you get it and from whom is the big difference. Introverts need social interaction, it's just that it tends to be with fewer people that they have a more developed relationship with, and they don't need as much to feel good and happy.
Things are getting better in work fields, but we still have a pretty dumb society that confuses someone blabbing every dumb ass thought in their head to anyone that will listen as being effective and intelligent. It's easier in our society being an extravert, but every organization needs the strengths that tend to accompany both types of people. Read "Quiet" by Susan Cain. It's great insight for yourself, kids, spouses, etc. that are introverted, how they work, and how to leverage the strengths of this type of brain.
As for social media turning people introvert, I don't think that's a good description. Being an introvert is a completely healthy behavior. Social media and phones simply create a **** environment for everybody that is destroying social interaction for all types. Now, it's possible that an introvert has a better shot at getting a level of real social interaction that keeps them mentally healthy in a world of phones and SM addiction than an extravert. But it's still just generally an entirely unhealthy world and environment for everyone.
The oversimplified answer is after you interact with other people for some time, do you end up feeling energized or drained? The former is an extravert, and the latter is an introvert.
Everybody needs social interaction. The level to which you get it and from whom is the big difference. Introverts need social interaction, it's just that it tends to be with fewer people that they have a more developed relationship with, and they don't need as much to feel good and happy.
Things are getting better in work fields, but we still have a pretty dumb society that confuses someone blabbing every dumb ass thought in their head to anyone that will listen as being effective and intelligent. It's easier in our society being an extravert, but every organization needs the strengths that tend to accompany both types of people. Read "Quiet" by Susan Cain. It's great insight for yourself, kids, spouses, etc. that are introverted, how they work, and how to leverage the strengths of this type of brain.
As for social media turning people introvert, I don't think that's a good description. Being an introvert is a completely healthy behavior. Social media and phones simply create a **** environment for everybody that is destroying social interaction for all types. Now, it's possible that an introvert has a better shot at getting a level of real social interaction that keeps them mentally healthy in a world of phones and SM addiction than an extravert. But it's still just generally an entirely unhealthy world and environment for everyone.
I tend to be more on the introverted side, but I enjoy spending time with friends and going to events. But I do need the time to recharge after.
Read an article the other day talking about how, while social creatures, humans really only have the capacity for a few close relationships. Focus on nurturing your closest friends and family, and don’t feel like you have to be everything to everyone.
Read an article the other day talking about how, while social creatures, humans really only have the capacity for a few close relationships. Focus on nurturing your closest friends and family, and don’t feel like you have to be everything to everyone.
It's always annoyed me that the default state is extrovert == good and introvert == bad. Maybe all of you extroverts should be the ones getting therapy and learn how to stop bothering people that are perfectly happy.
I can tell you firsthand that it is more than okay. I spent most of my life as a major extrovert, but lately, I’ve found myself right where you are. I used to wonder if something was 'wrong' with me for wanting to be less social, but I’ve realized it’s just a shift in priorities.
You hit the nail on the head regarding the difference between being alone and being lonely. Science actually backs you up on this, while 'forced' isolation is a health risk, intentional solitude is linked to increased creativity, better emotional regulation and self-reflection.
The social interaction the studies talk about doesn't have to mean big parties or family reunions that cause anxiety, it can be as simple as a meaningful 10-minute chat or just feeling connected to the world on your own terms. If you are perfectly happy and not feeling lonely, then you aren't 'a loner' in the negative sense, you’re just someone who has found peace in your own company. Enjoy that hole! I’m usually in the one right next to yours with a good book or movie.
You hit the nail on the head regarding the difference between being alone and being lonely. Science actually backs you up on this, while 'forced' isolation is a health risk, intentional solitude is linked to increased creativity, better emotional regulation and self-reflection.
The social interaction the studies talk about doesn't have to mean big parties or family reunions that cause anxiety, it can be as simple as a meaningful 10-minute chat or just feeling connected to the world on your own terms. If you are perfectly happy and not feeling lonely, then you aren't 'a loner' in the negative sense, you’re just someone who has found peace in your own company. Enjoy that hole! I’m usually in the one right next to yours with a good book or movie.
I'm not a therapist by any means, but I think the answer if it's OK depends on the severity of it, and if there are levels of social interaction that you have zero anxiety and really enjoy.
I think if you have a spouse or kids, or a few best friends, siblings, whoever, where you meet one-on-one or in small groups and are totally happy and enjoy it, then I wouldn't be too concerned. Now, that might be different if the family gatherings and type things are super miserable and the anxiety becomes almost debilitating.
If it's stopping you from having any type of deep relationships, then I would want to address it. If you have some really deep meaningful relationships, and you're happy overall, the fact that you don't enjoy larger groups and gatherings, probably isn't a problem. Keep in mind there are extraverts that are comfortable in those types of settings that struggle to develop truly deep relationships.
Here's something that I never knew until recently about some introverts...Our son (age 21) is an introvert. However, when he's in a public setting with his friends, he is very much an extrovert. When he interacts with others, he is very animated, takes part in the conversations, and is extremely funny. But those interactions take a lot of social energy for him. He can turn on that gear, and then turn it off. After a social event, he requires a fair bit of time to decompress. As parents, we were concerned about the amount of time he spends alone. We were concerned that maybe his time alone was due to depression. But he just needs that extra alone time to decompress.
Cyclonepride
Thought Police
At work, if I have an objective in communications, I think people would consider me extroverted, if I don't, they might consider me quiet because I'm probably doing cartwheels in my head thinking about how much time I'm wasting on that activity.
This describes me to a T. I am more introverted than not but can easily turn it on to be very social when need be. But being alone or with only my family is more than enough for me.
My question would be, what brought this thought on? If you are happy and don’t want to change why even ask about it? Did you want validation? Are you looking for a reason to get out of the house and need an extra push? Just trying to see where your heads at.
This is what would be an introvert. What the OP described is not that. I believe what the OP described their situation is would social anxiety and can be crippling, eventually, if not worked through. While similar, they are not the same.
So there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely which is what a lot of groups don’t understand. If you are totally fine being alone and don’t feel like you are missing out on anything or are being deprived from an experience then it’s not necessarily a bad thing.
However it’s also very obvious that you have social anxiety as you recognize. The major question is do you enjoy being alone because you truly like it or because you are avoiding those anxious feelings?
This is a very good question that hopefully people struggling with social anxiety can be honest with themselves about.
One of my best friends is this way. He's the life of the party. everyone loves having him around, he can shoot the **** with nearly anyone, but every few days he needs to be completely alone. I never realized he was introverted for years.
To the OP-
there's a difference between being introverted and having social anxiety.
I am introverted, as being around people wears me out - takes my energy. I need alone time to recharge. Going to parties I sometimes feel awkward, find a corner to lock down and let people come to me. But I don't get the skin-crawling anxiety or want to actually hide.
The GF is opposite, she gets energy from being with and talking to people. She can be alone and be fine, but gets a little weird if she doesn't get any interaction for too long a time.
The 'symptoms' you describe sound more like social anxiety than just introversion, to my amateur eye.
I would suggest you find a decent therapist and talk about it. That conversation will probably tell you if this is just fine for you and no worries, or if not, give you some ideas about how to address it. Worst case it costs you a couple hours and a couple hundred bucks, and nothing changes. But maybe it helps and you grow and enjoy life more. Just the fact you are asking about it, makes me think you should give that a try.
there's a difference between being introverted and having social anxiety.
I am introverted, as being around people wears me out - takes my energy. I need alone time to recharge. Going to parties I sometimes feel awkward, find a corner to lock down and let people come to me. But I don't get the skin-crawling anxiety or want to actually hide.
The GF is opposite, she gets energy from being with and talking to people. She can be alone and be fine, but gets a little weird if she doesn't get any interaction for too long a time.
The 'symptoms' you describe sound more like social anxiety than just introversion, to my amateur eye.
I would suggest you find a decent therapist and talk about it. That conversation will probably tell you if this is just fine for you and no worries, or if not, give you some ideas about how to address it. Worst case it costs you a couple hours and a couple hundred bucks, and nothing changes. But maybe it helps and you grow and enjoy life more. Just the fact you are asking about it, makes me think you should give that a try.
What you're describing sounds a lot like me. I'm just perfectly content being by myself or in very small settings, preferably with just my daughter and/or my fiancée. I wouldn't say I get anxious about being in social situations but I do have to play out some scenarios in my mind to prepare myself for them.
I'm early 40s but my therapist is pretty sure that if I were 25 years younger I would be diagnosed as having a spectrum disorder and a whole lot of things clicked for me once that was mentioned.
I'm early 40s but my therapist is pretty sure that if I were 25 years younger I would be diagnosed as having a spectrum disorder and a whole lot of things clicked for me once that was mentioned.
