Wedding Gift Budget

[ISUCyclones2015]

Does the expense of the wedding reception factor into the amount of the gift for anyone else? I usually want my gift to be valued equal or above what I perceive the cost of the reception to be. I consider it to be "the price of admission."

Sometimes for me it does. We went to a wedding/reception at the Scottish Rite once and I'm assuming that was pricey.

But how do you determine what the reception cost is gonna be? I think I tend to agree on this and I’m pretty flexible but like a country club in Northwest Indiana is gonna be different than a country club in Seattle. But maybe the Indiana one went all out on food and you only find out when you get there.

The reception at this Colombia wedding is gonna be insane and is at one of the nicest hotels in the city. Do I even try to have them “break even” on me? Especially when it’s gonna cost me multi thousands to get and be there?

It’s a struggle for sure

 

[JP4CY]

But how do you determine what the reception cost is gonna be? I think I tend to agree on this and I’m pretty flexible but like a country club in Northwest Indiana is gonna be different than a country club in Seattle. But maybe the Indiana one went all out on food and you only find out when you get there.

The reception at this Colombia wedding is gonna be insane and is at one of the nicest hotels in the city. Do I even try to have them “break even” on me? Especially when it’s gonna cost me multi thousands to get and be there?

It’s a struggle for sure

What helps me is usually if there's a food choice/open bar.

A plated beef tenderloin is going to cost more than Hickory Park Saucy Southerner sandwich.

 

[coolerifyoudid]

But how do you determine what the reception cost is gonna be? I think I tend to agree on this and I’m pretty flexible but like a country club in Northwest Indiana is gonna be different than a country club in Seattle. But maybe the Indiana one went all out on food and you only find out when you get there.

The reception at this Colombia wedding is gonna be insane and is at one of the nicest hotels in the city. Do I even try to have them “break even” on me? Especially when it’s gonna cost me multi thousands to get and be there?

It’s a struggle for sure

IMO, if someone does a destination wedding, they should not expect gifts. You can still give something, but I wouldn't feel super obligated.

Age plays a factor in what weddings you're invited to. In your 20s and 30s, its mostly friends or siblings. When we were all struggling starting out, I'd hover around $50-$100. It changed to $100-$150 over time. I loosely based it on what I might spend on a night out with that same group of friends (dinner/drinks, etc). If you feel like $100 might get you judged harshly by the couple, you probably need to reconsider what kind of friends they are.

 

[BCClone]

What helps me is usually if there's a food choice/open bar.

A plated beef tenderloin is going to cost more than Hickory Park Saucy Southerner sandwich.

What if you get a handy from the drunk bride's mom? Do you put in an extra 20? Hypothetical speaking of course.

 

[Remo Gaggi]

For a kid graduating high school, $50.

For weddings, $100 for kids of friends, $200 for kids of close friends, and $300 for kids of close relatives.

 

[VeloClone]

What if you get a handy from the drunk bride's mom? Do you put in an extra 20? Hypothetical speaking of course.

I'm confused was the bride drunk or was the mom?

 

[JP4CY]

What if you get a handy from the drunk bride's mom? Do you put in an extra 20? Hypothetical speaking of course.

 

[theshadow]

A plated beef tenderloin is going to cost more than Hickory Park Saucy Southerner sandwich.

Monetarily, yes.
Gastrointestinally, no.

 

[VeloClone]

We received a wedding invite from someone who I didn't even know. I guessed whose kid it might be and asked my sister who lives closer and keeps in better touch with the suspected part of the family. My sister wasn't sure either.

I don't think we will be going.

 

[BCClone]

I'm confused was the bride drunk or was the mom?

 

[ISUCyclones2015]

IMO, if someone does a destination wedding, they should not expect gifts. You can still give something, but I wouldn't feel super obligated.

Age plays a factor in what weddings you're invited to. In your 20s and 30s, its mostly friends or siblings. When we were all struggling starting out, I'd hover around $50-$100. It changed to $100-$150 over time. I loosely based it on what I might spend on a night out with that same group of friends (dinner/drinks, etc). If you feel like $100 might get you judged harshly by the couple, you probably need to reconsider what kind of friends they are.

I could give zero to every couple and they’d be alright with it

 

[BCClone]

I could give zero to every couple and they’d be alright with it

Think you just answered your question then.

Write a not and tell them that swapping money (I give you 100 when you get married, you give me 100 when I do doesn’t make sense so let’s just call it even) doesn’t make sense.

 

[SEIOWA CLONE]

We received a wedding invite from someone who I didn't even know. I guessed whose kid it might be and asked my sister who lives closer and keeps in better touch with the suspected part of the family. My sister wasn't sure either.

I don't think we will be going.

We received a wedding invite a few months ago from one of the new teachers in the district I teach in. It took me 10 minutes to figure out who the heck it was from.
She is the Ag teacher, in another building, really quiet gal, never says a word to anyone, I bet I never talked to her 10 times this year, and she is leaving the district with the year ending to take a job closer to home.

Not sure if she was just being nice inviting the entire staff, but we are passing and will not be going.

 

[davegilbertson]

I recently attended the wedding of a good friend of my SO. In addition to the wedding we attended, this person had an engagement party, wedding shower, destination bachelorette party, small destination wedding and then a second wedding that was local.

My SO attended the wedding shower and brought a very nice gift, attended the destination bachelorette party (which was quite expensive for her to attend), and then the local wedding as we had a conflict during the destination wedding.

Two days later she gets a text from her friend asking if "she possibly misplaced her card" as she did not see one from us. I was pretty astounded. My SO attended a destination bachelorette party, brought a nice gift(s) to the wedding shower, and even had a friend bring a personalized card to give to her at her destination wedding and she STILL thought she should ask her "just to check" (but really just to call her out for not bringing another gift).

I wanted her to just be honest and say that her first gift was enough and that she should have gotten a card at the destination wedding but she caved and sent her some cash in the mail, saying that we "forgot the card at home".

Is this normal human behavior?

To me, that text couldn't have come as a surprise.

Feels nearly impossible to be good enough friends to participate in someone's wedding and miss those kids of personality cues.

The only qualifier is if your SO and her friend are 23 or younger.

 

[Ms3r4ISU]

What if you get a handy from the drunk bride's mom? Do you put in an extra 20? Hypothetical speaking of course.

Depends on whether she’s wearing gloves.

 

[ClonesInDallas]

Well by the time I get married everyone can afford the upper tiers because they’ll be nearing retirement

Your "love isn't real" mantra is so annoying I hope you find someone you're both so head over heels for each other, it makes other couples jealous.

For real though I was perfectly fine going through life, just my dog and I, until I met my long term SO (soon to be engaged). She provides more of an addition to my life than I ever could have hoped for. I hope you find that at some point

 

[cowgirl836]

But how do you determine what the reception cost is gonna be? I think I tend to agree on this and I’m pretty flexible but like a country club in Northwest Indiana is gonna be different than a country club in Seattle. But maybe the Indiana one went all out on food and you only find out when you get there.

The reception at this Colombia wedding is gonna be insane and is at one of the nicest hotels in the city. Do I even try to have them “break even” on me? Especially when it’s gonna cost me multi thousands to get and be there?

It’s a struggle for sure

yeah I don't play that game. I go by how close I feel to the couple.

on that note, we got invited to familyish one last summer but didn't go - I sent a gift card. They are now already divorced. I kinda want to know if I can get my gift card back.

 

[cowgirl836]

We received a wedding invite a few months ago from one of the new teachers in the district I teach in. It took me 10 minutes to figure out who the heck it was from.
She is the Ag teacher, in another building, really quiet gal, never says a word to anyone, I bet I never talked to her 10 times this year, and she is leaving the district with the year ending to take a job closer to home.

Not sure if she was just being nice inviting the entire staff, but we are passing and will not be going.

I would almost bet money on that last sentence especially if she is quiet and shy. Doesn't want to offend by picking and choosing so she'll just invite everyone.

 

[BCClone]

yeah I don't play that game. I go by how close I feel to the couple.

on that note, we got invited to familyish one last summer but didn't go - I sent a gift card. They are now already divorced. I kinda want to know if I can get my gift card back.

My mom got invited to this shower for a family friends daughter. Well, before the wedding date, they had a fight, she called off the wedding and proceeded to pile up all the the gifts from the shower and set them unfire. My mom was ticked.

 

[NWICY]

My mom got invited to this shower for a family friends daughter. Well, before the wedding date, they had a fight, she called off the wedding and proceeded to pile up all the the gifts from the shower and set them unfire. My mom was ticked.

Holy cow lit them up that's a little on the crazy side. Yes she should have returned them, but burning them that is pretty crazy.