Wedding Gift Budget

[cowgirl836]

My mom got invited to this shower for a family friends daughter. Well, before the wedding date, they had a fight, she called off the wedding and proceeded to pile up all the the gifts from the shower and set them unfire. My mom was ticked.

Damn i'd be pissed. First of all, like the dude gave a **** about the shower gifts. Light his car on fire. And then donate the gifts or use them and use them or return them for cash to have a drunk girls' trip to somewhere. Ugh burning a good set of spatulas and a kitchenaid??? So wasteful.

 

[boone7247]

How much do you spend on wedding gifts?

Does it change based on family vs friends? Distant family vs immediate family?

Do you always do X amount no matter what?

Do you buy something within your range on the registry or just give money?

This I am sure is regional, but where I live typical “gift” is $100 per person attending. So you and our SO is minimum $200. A lot of that has to do with how expensive weddings are here.

My cousin got married it was minimum $400 for the whole family. Amounts go up from there depending on relation and closeness of the venue.

The way I look at it is what do you pay to go to a sit down meal, have drinks and entertainment for 3-4 hours? Most anywhere that would be at minimum $100 a person. And honestly that is what weddings celebrations are.

 

[BCClone]

This I am sure is regional, but where I live typical “gift” is $100 per person attending. So you and our SO is minimum $200. A lot of that has to do with how expensive weddings are here.

My cousin got married it was minimum $400 for the whole family. Amounts go up from there depending on relation and closeness of the venue.

The way I look at it is what do you pay to go to a sit down meal, have drinks and entertainment for 3-4 hours? Most anywhere that would be at minimum $100 a person. And honestly that is what weddings celebrations are.

I don’t really find weddings that high on my entertainment list. The thought behind the reception when I was married (1997) was that the meal and everything was a thank you for being at our wedding and everything you did to make us who we are. Has it now turned to, hey this is our celebration and we expect you, the guests, to fund this? If you get invited to a friends house to grill out, have drinks, watch a game or something, do you bring all your own food and drinks and then slip him 10 per head for a cover charge for everything else?

 

[madguy30]

yeah I don't play that game. I go by how close I feel to the couple.

on that note, we got invited to familyish one last summer but didn't go - I sent a gift card. They are now already divorced. I kinda want to know if I can get my gift card back.

I've become super selective on weddings.

Went to a big family one recently but it doubled as a reunion with people I hadn't seen for a decade which was the point of going.

Got a couple of friends getting married soonish (one his second try).

Over the years it's become pretty obvious that the relationship is more important than the wedding or marriage and since their relationship isn't my business, I'm not convinced the rest really needs to be so really not sure if I'm going.

 

[BCClone]

I've become super selective on weddings.

Went to a big family one recently but it doubled as a reunion with people I hadn't seen for a decade which was the point of going.

Got a couple of friends getting married soonish (one his second try).

Over the years it's become pretty obvious that the relationship is more important than the wedding or marriage and since their relationship isn't my business, I'm not convinced the rest really needs to be so really not sure if I'm going.

Second weddings, to me means a congrats when I see them. If the first for the other one, it depends on how well we know the other one also. All outside of close family.

 

[CtownCyclone]

Because of the fact that both me and my wife live pretty far from either side, we didn't really expect too much from most people, as we got married where we lived. My father claims it was a destination wedding, although I don't know if you'd classify Houston as that kind of territory.

Them coming was enough for us.

Some of them losing their passports and us having to find a consulate office to get them back home was interesting, though.

 

[BCClone]

Because of the fact that both me and my wife live pretty far from either side, we didn't really expect too much from most people, as we got married where we lived. My father claims it was a destination wedding, although I don't know if you'd classify Houston as that kind of territory.

Them coming was enough for us.

Some of them losing their passports and us having to find a consulate office to get them back home was interesting, though.

We need passports to travel to Houston?

 

[CtownCyclone]

We need passports to travel to Houston?

If you're from Canada, you do.

 

[VeloClone]

My mom got invited to this shower for a family friends daughter. Well, before the wedding date, they had a fight, she called off the wedding and proceeded to pile up all the the gifts from the shower and set them unfire. My mom was ticked.

I am totally using this word for when daughter's soccer team isn't playing well.

 

[MeanDean]

This I am sure is regional, but where I live typical “gift” is $100 per person attending. So you and our SO is minimum $200. A lot of that has to do with how expensive weddings are here.

My cousin got married it was minimum $400 for the whole family. Amounts go up from there depending on relation and closeness of the venue.

The way I look at it is what do you pay to go to a sit down meal, have drinks and entertainment for 3-4 hours? Most anywhere that would be at minimum $100 a person. And honestly that is what weddings celebrations are.

I guess you'll have to explain who sets these $ amounts and how the word comes down to all the attendees. I will admit my family is not the greatest at communication, but I can't figure out how this would be mandated.

 

[Cycsk]

Your "love isn't real" mantra is so annoying I hope you find someone you're both so head over heels for each other, it makes other couples jealous.

For real though I was perfectly fine going through life, just my dog and I, until I met my long term SO (soon to be engaged). She provides more of an addition to my life than I ever could have hoped for. I hope you find that at some point

I had that mantra in mind when I commented about 2015 setting us up for gifts for his wedding. I thought it was good that he replied in terms of when, not if!

 

[boone7247]

I don’t really find weddings that high on my entertainment list. The thought behind the reception when I was married (1997) was that the meal and everything was a thank you for being at our wedding and everything you did to make us who we are. Has it now turned to, hey this is our celebration and we expect you, the guests, to fund this? If you get invited to a friends house to grill out, have drinks, watch a game or something, do you bring all your own food and drinks and then slip him 10 per head for a cover charge for everything else?

I guess you'll have to explain who sets these $ amounts and how the word comes down to all the attendees. I will admit my family is not the greatest at communication, but I can't figure out how this would be mandated.

Like I said I think this is regional. Growing up in Iowa and having a ton of family in Iowa I would agree with most in this thread. Somewhere in the $50 to $100. But spending most of my adult life in the Chicago area the $100 a head thing very much is the standard out here.

If it were up to me just get married invite only those closest to you and enjoy the day vs having a huge wedding. Not worth the fuss.

My dinner/entertainment is my self justification for writing many $200+ checks over the years. Not saying it is right.

Our wedding for example was a 200 person wedding base cost was $56 per head, by the time my MIL got done pissing off my wife we were over $65 a head. Cash gifts va cost of reception we were break even to maybe $1000 ahead. That said most people had a great time and the party is still talked about in my family. Note that the per head count was the cheapest venue that was toured, the others were $80 or more and that was limited bar. At least the venue chosen provided full open bar.

 

[BCClone]

Like I said I think this is regional. Growing up in Iowa and having a ton of family in Iowa I would agree with most in this thread. Somewhere in the $50 to $100. But spending most of my adult life in the Chicago area the $100 a head thing very much is the standard out here.

If it were up to me just get married invite only those closest to you and enjoy the day vs having a huge wedding. Not worth the fuss.

My dinner/entertainment is my self justification for writing many $200+ checks over the years. Not saying it is right.

Our wedding for example was a 200 person wedding base cost was $56 per head, by the time my MIL got done pissing off my wife we were over $65 a head. Cash gifts va cost of reception we were break even to maybe $1000 ahead. That said most people had a great time and the party is still talked about in my family. Note that the per head count was the cheapest venue that was toured, the others were $80 or more and that was limited bar. At least the venue chosen provided full open bar.

When you say full open bar, do you mean they served everything or that it was a free bar?

Going off what I have heard over the recent years in my area of NC Iowa, receptions with 200 would be $25 to $30 head for everything except for what is decided on the cake. Very fortunate to have decent facilities that are quite affordable. If you went with a more basic set up like a serving line and a pulled pork and pulled chicken, you could pull that to 20-25 per head also. Throw in a DJ for a few bucks a head, the usual free beer, pop, wine for about another 10 a head and you are up to that 40 something per head.

 

[carvers4math]

Recently attended wedding where mother of groom worked her hardest to make it all about her. Hope when my boys get married, I can graciously blend into the scenery.

 

[BCClone]

Recently attended wedding where mother of groom worked her hardest to make it all about her. Hope when my boys get married, I can graciously blend into the scenery.

I guessing it would all go well until you got your groove on with the chicken dance.

 

[VeloClone]

Recently attended wedding where mother of groom worked her hardest to make it all about her. Hope when my boys get married, I can graciously blend into the scenery.

I tried to blend into the scenery at my wedding.

 

[carvers4math]

I guessing it would all go well until you got your groove on with the chicken dance.

Thank goodness they didn’t do some of those things at this wedding.

 

[VeloClone]

I never thought of a wedding as a break even proposition and I think anyone who is having a wedding and inviting people to a reception shouldn't be either. They are gifts, not payment in kind.

 

[BCClone]

I never thought of a wedding as a break even proposition and I think anyone who is having a wedding and inviting people to a reception shouldn't be either. They are gifts, not payment in kind.

My FIL paid for a good chunk of things. We paid for the photographer, the hall, half DJ, cake and a little others. So we were lucky there also. Before we left, (we didn’t stick around for the whole thing as we were just tired at the end) I went around and thanked all the hired services.

My wife was wife me when I went And talked to the caterer. The caterer was alarmed when I went into their little back room and made everyone stand up and pay attention to us, (thinking there was an issue), all we did was thank them for helping make our wedding reception go well. The next day opening gifts, my FIL said when he went to settle with her, she cut 10% off the bill because in all her years she had never had a bride and groom take time to go and thank them.

 

[carvers4math]

By far the best food at this wedding was the kids’ meal. I wonder if I can get away with selecting that myself if I go to another wedding there? All of us adults at the table with the little kids wound up raiding their plates when they moved onto cake.