Three golf clubs leaned into a bar. Bartender said, “What’ll it be?” Wedge said, “Gimee a beer.” Putter said, “Same for me.” Bartender asked the third club, “How about you?, and he replied, “I’ll have a glass of water.” “Just water?” asked the bartender. “Yeah, said the club, “I’m the driver.”
Walked into a bar
- Thread starter CyclonePigskin
- Start date
A man walks into a bar, and sees a special on the wall reading "Free booze - If you complete the challenge". So he asks the bartender "what's the challenge?" Bartender says "I can't tell you until you drink 6 shots. If you complete the challenge, not only are those shots free, but you can drink as much as you want the rest of the night no charge".
"Wow! What a great deal. Line those ******* up!". So the bartender proceeds to line up the shots, and the guy downs them in quick succession. Feeling invincible, he orders another beer and asks the bartender "Ok, what's the challenge?"
Bartender goes "well, out back we have this old bulldog and he's got a sore tooth. You need to pull the tooth. He's a cranky f*cker, so it ain't gonna be easy. When you get that done, you need to come back inside and go upstairs. There's an 85 year old gal who lives upstairs. She's a sweet ol' gal, but not much to look at. Needless to say, she hasn't had male company in some time. If you give her an orgasm, you complete the challenge and drink free the rest of the night".
"Deal. I'm in" the guy says. He decides to finish a couple more beers to steel his nerves, and finally heads out back. For the next 10 minutes, the bartender hears the most intense growling, yelling, and screaming. Finally, the guy returns - clothes ripped to shreds, hair missing, blood everywhere.
He bellows across the bar "WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH!"
"Wow! What a great deal. Line those ******* up!". So the bartender proceeds to line up the shots, and the guy downs them in quick succession. Feeling invincible, he orders another beer and asks the bartender "Ok, what's the challenge?"
Bartender goes "well, out back we have this old bulldog and he's got a sore tooth. You need to pull the tooth. He's a cranky f*cker, so it ain't gonna be easy. When you get that done, you need to come back inside and go upstairs. There's an 85 year old gal who lives upstairs. She's a sweet ol' gal, but not much to look at. Needless to say, she hasn't had male company in some time. If you give her an orgasm, you complete the challenge and drink free the rest of the night".
"Deal. I'm in" the guy says. He decides to finish a couple more beers to steel his nerves, and finally heads out back. For the next 10 minutes, the bartender hears the most intense growling, yelling, and screaming. Finally, the guy returns - clothes ripped to shreds, hair missing, blood everywhere.
He bellows across the bar "WHERE'S THAT OLD LADY WITH THE SORE TOOTH!"
This one's older than Mean Dean and myself combined, but here goes...
A man walks into a bar and notices the bartender is a highly advanced robot. The robot asks, "What will you have?" The man orders a beer, and the robot pours a perfect IPA.
The robot then asks the man, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "160."
The robot instantly engages him in a fascinating conversation about string theory, quantum physics, and space exploration.
Completely amazed, the man decides to test the robot. He leaves the bar, paces around the corner, walks back in, and orders another beer.
The robot brings his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man says, "100."
The robot instantly shifts gears and starts chatting with him about sports, reality TV, and muscle cars.
Even more intrigued by the robot's ability to adapt, the man leaves and decides to try it one more time. He comes back in, orders his drink, and when the robot asks for his IQ, the man answers, "Uh... about 50."
The robot leans over the bar, lowers its voice, and slowly says, "Go Hawks!"
A man walks into a bar and notices the bartender is a highly advanced robot. The robot asks, "What will you have?" The man orders a beer, and the robot pours a perfect IPA.
The robot then asks the man, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "160."
The robot instantly engages him in a fascinating conversation about string theory, quantum physics, and space exploration.
Completely amazed, the man decides to test the robot. He leaves the bar, paces around the corner, walks back in, and orders another beer.
The robot brings his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man says, "100."
The robot instantly shifts gears and starts chatting with him about sports, reality TV, and muscle cars.
Even more intrigued by the robot's ability to adapt, the man leaves and decides to try it one more time. He comes back in, orders his drink, and when the robot asks for his IQ, the man answers, "Uh... about 50."
The robot leans over the bar, lowers its voice, and slowly says, "Go Hawks!"
Almost as good as..
A dog limps into a bar and announces, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"The bartender says, "No, this is a bar, not a fruit stand. Get out!"
The next day, the duck waddles in and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender yells, "I told you yesterday, no grapes! If you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar!"
The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Got any nails?"The bartender says, "No."
The duck grins and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The next day, the duck waddles in and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender yells, "I told you yesterday, no grapes! If you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar!"
The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Got any nails?"The bartender says, "No."
The duck grins and asks, "Got any grapes?"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar...
The rabbit says, “I think I might be a typo.”
The rabbit says, “I think I might be a typo.”
A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a Gin and...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...Tonic"
The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"
And the polar bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...Tonic"
The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"
And the polar bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them."
