Retirement Targets

[SEIOWA CLONE]

The tricky part about LTC is if both husband and wife are alive and one ends up in one of these places long term. This can quickly drain savings. My work has seminars for people over 50 and this was one of the topics. They gave three different options and the best option that they mentioned was a special kind of annuity(immediate) that the government couldn't come after. I don't remember all the details.

The bolded happened to my dad's best friend, the guy and his wife were a long-time married couple, raised four kids, doing well. When she turned late 60's she started to get dementia, within a few years, it turned into full Alsheimer's, he was forced to put her into the local nursing home, visiting her every day. After a few years, the bills started mounting up and he realized that he was going to be forced to sell their farm to continue to pay for his wife's bills. Went to a local attorney, and the guy told him he had 2 choices, sell the farm, or divorce his wife of over 50 years. He ended up divorcing his wife, created quite the scandal locally, but once word got out of the reason, most thought it was the right thing to do. He still visited his wife regularly, his kids were fine with it, and ended up with the farm, and the wife never knew the difference. Their son told us how he hated to go down and see his mother, when she could not even remember who he was.

Old age sucks, buts it better than the alternative.

 

[swiacy]

The bolded happened to my dad's best friend, the guy and his wife were a long-time married couple, raised four kids, doing well. When she turned late 60's she started to get dementia, within a few years, it turned into full Alsheimer's, he was forced to put her into the local nursing home, visiting her every day. After a few years, the bills started mounting up and he realized that he was going to be forced to sell their farm to continue to pay for his wife's bills. Went to a local attorney, and the guy told him he had 2 choices, sell the farm, or divorce his wife of over 50 years. He ended up divorcing his wife, created quite the scandal locally, but once word got out of the reason, most thought it was the right thing to do. He still visited his wife regularly, his kids were fine with it, and ended up with the farm, and the wife never knew the difference. Their son told us how he hated to go down and see his mother, when she could not even remember who he was.

Old age sucks, buts it better than the alternative.

JFC, I wish I hadn’t read this story. I was President of a group that built and operated an assisted living facility for ten years and then sold the business. It now has a wing dedicated to dementia. My in-laws both were in the assisted side for 5+ years until they both passed. It drained almost all their savings and assets. The scary part is that he was a successful insurance agent/financial advisor. People have NO IDEA realistically how much it costs when landing in a facility over an extended period. The excellent care prolongs the stay and the costs add up.

 

[BCClone]

The bolded happened to my dad's best friend, the guy and his wife were a long-time married couple, raised four kids, doing well. When she turned late 60's she started to get dementia, within a few years, it turned into full Alsheimer's, he was forced to put her into the local nursing home, visiting her every day. After a few years, the bills started mounting up and he realized that he was going to be forced to sell their farm to continue to pay for his wife's bills. Went to a local attorney, and the guy told him he had 2 choices, sell the farm, or divorce his wife of over 50 years. He ended up divorcing his wife, created quite the scandal locally, but once word got out of the reason, most thought it was the right thing to do. He still visited his wife regularly, his kids were fine with it, and ended up with the farm, and the wife never knew the difference. Their son told us how he hated to go down and see his mother, when she could not even remember who he was.

Old age sucks, buts it better than the alternative.

Wife had a coworker in her late 40s come down with MS. She had to go to a home and the same thing happened. They divorced because of it but we’re always a couple.

 

[Stormin]

The bolded happened to my dad's best friend, the guy and his wife were a long-time married couple, raised four kids, doing well. When she turned late 60's she started to get dementia, within a few years, it turned into full Alsheimer's, he was forced to put her into the local nursing home, visiting her every day. After a few years, the bills started mounting up and he realized that he was going to be forced to sell their farm to continue to pay for his wife's bills. Went to a local attorney, and the guy told him he had 2 choices, sell the farm, or divorce his wife of over 50 years. He ended up divorcing his wife, created quite the scandal locally, but once word got out of the reason, most thought it was the right thing to do. He still visited his wife regularly, his kids were fine with it, and ended up with the farm, and the wife never knew the difference. Their son told us how he hated to go down and see his mother, when she could not even remember who he was.

Old age sucks, buts it better than the alternative.

Hideous disease. Devastating. Psychological Hell for the survivors.

 

[yowza]

JFC, I wish I hadn’t read this story. I was President of a group that built and operated an assisted living facility for ten years and then sold the business. It now has a wing dedicated to dementia. My in-laws both were in the assisted side for 5+ years until they both passed. It drained almost all their savings and assets. The scary part is that he was a successful insurance agent/financial advisor. People have NO IDEA realistically how much it costs when landing in a facility over an extended period. The excellent care prolongs the stay and the costs add up.

Any opinions on whether private pay gets treated better than Medicaid pay? I have been in some where people just get wheeled somewhere and left and they can't do anything for themselves.

 

[Stormin]

Any opinions on whether private pay gets treated better than Medicaid pay? I have been in some where people just get wheeled somewhere and left and they can't do anything for themselves.

No difference IMO. Staff that cares for patients has no knowledge of the pay status.

 

[yowza]

No difference IMO. Staff that cares for patients has no knowledge of the pay status.

How about facility quality / staffing? The ones I have seen seem to be way understaffed.

 

[Stormin]

How about facility quality / staffing? The ones I have seen seem to be way understaffed.

Generally there is not an abundance of stuff. That would increase overhead. They are For Profit Nursing Homes. But the staff does give good care. And cares. At the ones I have been too at least.

 

[SEIOWA CLONE]

Any opinions on whether private pay gets treated better than Medicaid pay? I have been in some where people just get wheeled somewhere and left and they can't do anything for themselves.

I used to see people parked in front of the TV on a daily basis when I would stop and pick up my daughter from their day program. Most of these homes do a good job of making sure the people are fed, but not much more than that.
Your experience totally depends on your condition, some of the people in better health were always playing cards, or board games, while others in poor health, but well enough to sit, were just parked in front of the tv.

Assisted living for those in decent health is not a bad way to spend your final years. You are around people your own age; they take field trips and keep them busy. The ones in poor health, they are just parking them in the common areas.

 

[BCClone]

I used to see people parked in front of the TV on a daily basis when I would stop and pick up my daughter from their day program. Most of these homes do a good job of making sure the people are fed, but not much more than that.
Your experience totally depends on your condition, some of the people in better health were always playing cards, or board games, while others in poor health, but well enough to sit, were just parked in front of the tv.

Assisted living for those in decent health is not a bad way to spend your final years. You are around people your own age; they take field trips and keep them busy. The ones in poor health, they are just parking them in the common areas.

Know an old timer whose wife was in one because he couldn’t care well enough for her. Her would be there about morning to night with her, a very caring man.

He said the first thing he did was change the channel on the TV. Said the shows they put on were about murder and old people dying. Thought it was kinda morbid for them to be watching that. He became the remote control since he was the person who could move the best.

 

[swiacy]

Any opinions on whether private pay gets treated better than Medicaid pay? I have been in some where people just get wheeled somewhere and left and they can't do anything for themselves.

I’ve had experience from ownership of an assisted living facility and as a member of a family with members placed in facilities. Good facilities are well run with caring staff. The industry is competitive and poorly run homes are easy to single out with empty rooms eventually. Usually it is not hard to identify problem situations with your sense of smell and by listening. Not much basic difference between the care received by those paying out of pocket and those receiving government assistance. Those on assistance do not receive the alacarte services available for additional cost.

 

[brianhos]

If anyone has a positive experience with a financial advisor. I'd love to hear it. Feel free to DM me if you aren't comfortable with a public comment.

From everyone I talk to about them. They are usually a waste of money unless you are not money savy, have a lot of wealth, or are just wanting to go completely hands off on the experience.

I'd consider a CPA/Tax advisor different to a financial advisor. I will always seek out tax advise when warranted

CPA + index mutual funds from fidelity and vanguard.

 

[RLD4ISU]

Our neighborhood has quite a few homes with multiple generations living in them. It really made me sit and think about how this used to be fairly common: family taking care of family. I grew up on a farm with two houses on the place. Usually grandparents or newlyweds lived in the small house, larger family in the bigger house.

We know a couple (now in their early 80s) that had a decent amount of farm ground, equipment, etc. While they were in their late 50s, they split the land & equipment between their children and kept just a small acreage with a house for themselves. They wanted to ensure their children received what they were to inherit. The husband's parents had at one time owned quite a bit of land & had a decent savings set aside. Later in life both had to go to a nursing home. Long story short, eventually the savings dried up, land was sold to pay for the nursing home and their children's inheritance was gone. The husband decided then and there he would make sure his children didn't go through the same thing.

 

[BCClone]

Our neighborhood has quite a few homes with multiple generations living in them. It really made me sit and think about how this used to be fairly common: family taking care of family. I grew up on a farm with two houses on the place. Usually grandparents or newlyweds lived in the small house, larger family in the bigger house.

We know a couple (now in their early 80s) that had a decent amount of farm ground, equipment, etc. While they were in their late 50s, they split the land & equipment between their children and kept just a small acreage with a house for themselves. They wanted to ensure their children received what they were to inherit. The husband's parents had at one time owned quite a bit of land & had a decent savings set aside. Later in life both had to go to a nursing home. Long story short, eventually the savings dried up, land was sold to pay for the nursing home and their children's inheritance was gone. The husband decided then and there he would make sure his children didn't go through the same thing.

My moms old house in town (which is behind ours) now has four generations in it.

 

[RLD4ISU]

My moms old house in town (which is behind ours) now has four generations in it.

House next door will have four generations beginning in September. Husband & wife appear to be in their mid/late 30s and are pregnant with their first child. Husband's parents and grandmother live with them.

Honestly, I couldn't live with my parents or my husband's dad & wife. Not unless we had two houses on the same lot. LOL. However, I have told my aunt (mid 70s) that if she ever needed something like assisted living, she could stay with us.

 

[JP4CY]

House next door will have four generations beginning in September. Husband & wife appear to be in their mid/late 30s and are pregnant with their first child. Husband's parents and grandmother live with them.

Honestly, I couldn't live with my parents or my husband's dad & wife. Not unless we had two houses on the same lot. LOL. However, I have told my aunt (mid 70s) that if she ever needed something like assisted living, she could stay with us.

That sounds terrible.

 

[BCClone]

House next door will have four generations beginning in September. Husband & wife appear to be in their mid/late 30s and are pregnant with their first child. Husband's parents and grandmother live with them.

Honestly, I couldn't live with my parents or my husband's dad & wife. Not unless we had two houses on the same lot. LOL. However, I have told my aunt (mid 70s) that if she ever needed something like assisted living, she could stay with us.

My mom bought the house behind us after we had been here 5-6 years. I saw her less then when she lived on the farm 29 miles away. She respected time alone. It was a three bedroom and they made it a two bedroom when the parents bought it (man retired from janitors at ISU — pair of douchers) they decided to move one of their moms in (never see her) and then finish the basement since their son and his kids needed to move in. They run out of money on their house projects and are aholes. He inherited a little land and you know when the rent comes because remodelers show back up for a few weeks.

First time they threatened to sue me when they needed more money for the kitchen, I called their bluff. Next they sell stuff and spend it immediately. Their lawn is a weed patch and they have no front steps to their house. They wanted this huge front deck so they ripped out the front steps and found out that their deck would violate the setbacks and are spending their money on interior stuff so they just use their inside garage ones.

Their retired life consists of drinking and smoking in their garage. It’s been a little over 2 years since their lawsuit threat so we won’t talk to them for another 5 years to erase the statute of limitations.

 

[yowza]

Our neighborhood has quite a few homes with multiple generations living in them. It really made me sit and think about how this used to be fairly common: family taking care of family. I grew up on a farm with two houses on the place. Usually grandparents or newlyweds lived in the small house, larger family in the bigger house.

We know a couple (now in their early 80s) that had a decent amount of farm ground, equipment, etc. While they were in their late 50s, they split the land & equipment between their children and kept just a small acreage with a house for themselves. They wanted to ensure their children received what they were to inherit. The husband's parents had at one time owned quite a bit of land & had a decent savings set aside. Later in life both had to go to a nursing home. Long story short, eventually the savings dried up, land was sold to pay for the nursing home and their children's inheritance was gone. The husband decided then and there he would make sure his children didn't go through the same thing.

It used to be both parents didn't work outside the home either. That is the way things are now and if elderly need someone there 24/7 it s basically impossible. Not to mention the fact kids' activities have grown exponentially over the decades so parents are always taking one kid somewhere to participate in something.

 

[BCClone]

It used to be both parents didn't work outside the home either. That is the way things are now and if elderly need someone there 24/7 it s basically impossible. Not to mention the fact kids' activities have grown exponentially over the decades so parents are always taking one kid somewhere to participate in something.

Seems like a lot of people WFH now.

 

[RLD4ISU]

That sounds terrible.

My Aunt is the only one that said if necessary, she would move (we live out-of-state). If I absolutely had to and there were no other options, my parents and in-laws could live here. But my parents have made it clear they'll never leave their home, not even to move in with me. My sister lives across the street. My husband has multiple siblings within 5 miles of his Dad that would help.