Random Thoughts XII - This Thread Delivers

[cowgirl836]

so there is a bird trying to build a nest on our roof. We were gone Sunday and came home to a pile of straw on the roof. It's in a super weird, exposed spot. Say this is our house (I wish). See those bits of roof at the top of the entrance arch straight above their lights? We have two spots like that above our porch. The bird is trying to build on that little bit of roof. DH took it down Sunday night but I see it's back today. I'm taking to calling it the "derp bird" because seriously, any decent rain and that ain't going to work. Probably why they didn't rebuild Monday. Because it was raining.

 

[cyhiphopp]

so I am discovering! I mean, I knew the relative peace of being DINKs and getting left alone for the most part would come to an end but did not see this much of an escalation coming. Though I suppose I should have - when we were building, same relatives came up four separate times to see the progress on the house. Not to see us, to see the house (in fact one time we were potentially not even going to be around but that didn't matter, lol)
And were rather put out that we limited it to four times, complaining to others that we "don't seem to want them to come up very much." Well, when most of the visit involves overly invasive questions/judging comments "why didn't you do this/do you think X is going to work/how much did it cost" type stuff, well yeah, it was a bit much. Personally, I thought 4x in a 5 month building process was being plenty indulgent.

That's only going to be 100x worse with a kid, isn't it. Maybe it'll level off over time, the main interest seems to be in babies, once they hit 4-5 they don't seem to be as coveted.

You might have to be a big meanie and set some boundaries. It is rough when everyone wants to come visit on their schedule and you just want to keep the baby fed and take a nap. Especially those first few weeks.

It can be beneficial to set up a specific visit time for everyone. Make it a regular thing so everyone can come talk and see the baby. Then kick them out to feed and nap the kid and yourself. Make DH be the bad guy if you have to, because there's not much worse than having a newborn AND being more exhausted than you need to be. Or see if your mom or mother in law are willing to shoo people out for you. They are the grandmothers and they have a lot more power than they might realize.

 

[cyhiphopp]

so there is a bird trying to build a nest on our roof. We were gone Sunday and came home to a pile of straw on the roof. It's in a super weird, exposed spot. Say this is our house (I wish). See those bits of roof at the top of the entrance arch straight above their lights? We have two spots like that above our porch. The bird is trying to build on that little bit of roof. DH took it down Sunday night but I see it's back today. I'm taking to calling it the "derp bird" because seriously, any decent rain and that ain't going to work. Probably why they didn't rebuild Monday. Because it was raining.

I was going to say, "Dang, spreadsheets have been good to you guys" before I read that you wish this was your house.

 

[BCClone]

I'm not sure I would invite people they've never met, but if they want to come and give the kid a card (hopefully with money) then that's fine with me.

I'm sure the kid would be fine with it because they get more stuff.

The oldest is more like me, doesn’t like big parties and crowds. Prefers small events with less show. I’m trying to have him make several of the decisions so he feels it’s his, problem is when I mention certain things to the wife, I get, Ive already handled that. Such as, who do you want to do your senior photos. Wife overheard and just said, I have so and so lined up.

With the wife having grown up here, she still has the family and friend competition thing going so things escalate and many times the kids of locals are forgotten while the parents are in a race to out do each other. The greatness of some small towns.

 

[cowgirl836]

Once they're older, it'll be about why there aren't longer visits, overnight visits, and you'll be fighting about whether you have to celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving a half dozen times apiece.

I hate how true this will be. I especially dread the fact that one side has.....stuff of far more interest to most kids and we're going to have to figure out how to manage that. Maybe I'll be wrong though and my kids will prefer doing only quiet, indoor things. Holidays will be a big one to manage. One side is already far more demanding than the other. It becomes easy to skip out on the non-demanding side since they tend to be more understanding about it, but that's not really the way I want to handle it either.

 

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

so there is a bird trying to build a nest on our roof. We were gone Sunday and came home to a pile of straw on the roof. It's in a super weird, exposed spot. Say this is our house (I wish). See those bits of roof at the top of the entrance arch straight above their lights? We have two spots like that above our porch. The bird is trying to build on that little bit of roof. DH took it down Sunday night but I see it's back today. I'm taking to calling it the "derp bird" because seriously, any decent rain and that ain't going to work. Probably why they didn't rebuild Monday. Because it was raining.

Looking forward to updates on the derp bird.

 

[BCClone]

Once they're older, it'll be about why there aren't longer visits, overnight visits, and you'll be fighting about whether you have to celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving a half dozen times apiece.

Birthday parties are nasty. Will learn to have one and who can show can show and who can’t, aw well.

 

[cowgirl836]

I was going to say, "Dang, spreadsheets have been good to you guys" before I read that you wish this was your house.

ha, yeah that's not ours. Though there is a house in the neighborhood with a giant entrance like that and they have a porch light way up at the top. Every time I drive by I think about what a pain that must be when that light goes out.

 

[CycloneErik]

The oldest is more like me, doesn’t like big parties and crowds. Prefers small events with less show. I’m trying to have him make several of the decisions so he feels it’s his, problem is when I mention certain things to the wife, I get, Ive already handled that. Such as, who do you want to do your senior photos. Wife overheard and just said, I have so and so lined up.

With the wife having grown up here, she still has the family and friend competition thing going so things escalate and many times the kids of locals are forgotten while the parents are in a race to out do each other. The greatness of some small towns.

Z still isn't a big crowd person. She wouldn't eat as an infant while there were crowds nearby, and she'd just shut down with all the really pushy attention (and still kinda does).

Of course, nobody believed that, but you (@cowgirl836 ) just have to know that you're right and kick them out.

 

[cyhiphopp]

Looking forward to updates on the derp bird.

 

[cowgirl836]

I was going to say, "Dang, spreadsheets have been good to you guys" before I read that you wish this was your house.

also, I screwed up here. I believe, based on the CF financial threads, that I should have told you this was my summer house that I paid all cash for. Doesn't everyone have one of those????

 

[cyhiphopp]

I hate how true this will be. I especially dread the fact that one side has.....stuff of far more interest to most kids and we're going to have to figure out how to manage that. Maybe I'll be wrong though and my kids will prefer doing only quiet, indoor things. Holidays will be a big one to manage. One side is already far more demanding than the other. It becomes easy to skip out on the non-demanding side since they tend to be more understanding about it, but that's not really the way I want to handle it either.

Ugh, that's tough. You might have to make a rule from the beginning:
We will be alternating holidays between families so it's fair for everyone.
Thanksgiving day at one house this year, other house the next
If you want to go to the opposite house on Black Friday, do that.
Christmas Eve at one house, Christmas evening or a weekend close to Christmas with the other

Make sure to make time for just you, your husband and the kid(s) too. Going from house to house gets hectic and you want to have your own immediate family traditions.

It might take some tough talks and being a meanie to get it done, but it can be easier to do those early rather than conceding to everyone's demands and first and trying to change later.

 

[cyhiphopp]

Birthday parties are nasty. Will learn to have one and who can show can show and who can’t, aw well.

Dear lord yes. You can't make everybody happy, so don't try. Set a date and a place and if they can't show, so be it.

 

[cyhiphopp]

The oldest is more like me, doesn’t like big parties and crowds. Prefers small events with less show. I’m trying to have him make several of the decisions so he feels it’s his, problem is when I mention certain things to the wife, I get, Ive already handled that. Such as, who do you want to do your senior photos. Wife overheard and just said, I have so and so lined up.

With the wife having grown up here, she still has the family and friend competition thing going so things escalate and many times the kids of locals are forgotten while the parents are in a race to out do each other. The greatness of some small towns.

If the kid is less comfortable with a big party, just remind them that it only happens once and even random people are socially obliged to put at least 10-20 dollars in their card.

 

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

I paid all cash for

That's the CF way

 

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

Unless it’s sveral inches, this is good. Works the fertilizer into the root zone and holds the N that you have. N is very volatile and even encapsulated N loses some of its value over time if exposed to the elements.

When it rains as hard as this you get so much run off. That's my concern.

 

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

All this talk about graduation reminds me I have to RSVP to a friends daughters wedding. I'm not planning on attending but will give her some money.

 

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

 

[CycloneErik]

Ugh, that's tough. You might have to make a rule from the beginning:
We will be alternating holidays between families so it's fair for everyone.
Thanksgiving day at one house this year, other house the next
If you want to go to the opposite house on Black Friday, do that.
Christmas Eve at one house, Christmas evening or a weekend close to Christmas with the other

Make sure to make time for just you, your husband and the kid(s) too. Going from house to house gets hectic and you want to have your own immediate family traditions.

It might take some tough talks and being a meanie to get it done, but it can be easier to do those early rather than conceding to everyone's demands and first and trying to change later.

And then be prepared to fight about it every starring year until the end of time.

Thanks to the allergy problems our extended family create, we've curtailed grandparent visits to once a month, always in public, and all homes are off limits.

The whining and all is unreal, but they overwhelm Z and wreck my health every time. The # will be greatly reduced well before it gets expanded.

 

[carvers4math]

1. Grad parties. Geez people, don’t overthink them. Have survived 4. They are a better family reunion than a funeral. Everyone with high school kids gets invited to a million. No one feels compelled to go or even send money. Sometimes you are invited to a dozen at the same time, you can’t hit them all. If I invite someone with no interest in coming, fine, no one is upset. If I don’t invite someone who wonders why they are excluded, that is big ******* deal.

2. Babies. MIL only cared about my kids when they were babies. I don’t get it. I love babies, but prefer kids when they start having the ability to express thoughts and feelings. So when everyone flocks around new baby in the family, I get all the older kids to myself. They teach me about Paw Patrol, Peppa Pig, ninja skillz, Fortnite, and life in general.