Disappointed in CF that it took 35 posts to get a Long Duk Dong reference...
Hosting an exchange student
- Thread starter Colorado
- Start date
Seems like some really good advice here from @ImJustKCClone and @Wanderlust @cyfanbr among others. I had three family friends host a couple times when I was in MS/HS - they were nearly all great (5/6) experiences, and the bad one was basically the kid was a rich sociopath, and I think he was sent back after drawings of him attacking the family were found in his notebooks...so not much to do about that!! Just playing odds like driving I suppose. Anyway, the point of this reply was supposed to be the good ones. 
The "getting the exchange student involved in activities" seems like a really good advice. I know some of those I knew ended up doing soccer or cross country or band, etc and that was great way to make quick group of friends and acquaintances vs everything coming through the host family/siblings, while still involving the host family as spectators/supporters etc. They were also good "new" experiences for students since in many other countries those sports/activities are through private athletic 'clubs' and not attached to school, etc.
The "getting the exchange student involved in activities" seems like a really good advice. I know some of those I knew ended up doing soccer or cross country or band, etc and that was great way to make quick group of friends and acquaintances vs everything coming through the host family/siblings, while still involving the host family as spectators/supporters etc. They were also good "new" experiences for students since in many other countries those sports/activities are through private athletic 'clubs' and not attached to school, etc.
Jeez, 3 dislikes seems a little harsh for th...
"No I won’t share "
Oh now I get it.
So, you found a wife and became an Iowa State fan? Success!
First, congratulations to you and your wife for stepping up to the commitment to host. I have experienced exchange students as a fellow student, as an extended family member (both of my sister's have hosted several exchange students each (Denmark, Venezuela, Mexico, Japan, China, Turkey, Ecuador), as a high school teacher with them in class, as a parent (both in bound to our home and my children out-bound), and as a group leader abroad for extended student travel. These experiences, while sometimes challenging have GREATLY contributed to my life experiences. I moved to South Africa for four years with my family for my work, and a Japanese exchange student my sister had for a year came on her honeymoon to South Africa and spent a few days with us. Great life experiences!!!
Here are a few thoughts in regards to your questions:
1) They want an American cultural experience. While it is great to travel and visit places, the real cultural experience is living every day life in an American home and going to an American school. It isn't the goal of the program to make them love America and want to stay forever. Take the opportunity to learn about them, their family and their culture. They are just different, not better or worse. Be curious.
2) We had a rule at our house that you don't have to eat everything, but you have to try it.
3) Ask them (or their home family if you have a chance to interact by mail/e-mail and language is not limiting) what their favorite foods are at home. Let them cook for you and show off their own culture.
4) They will take lots of pictures while here, but often won't be in them. Make sure you get some of them in the picture to help them build out a record of their experiences. Some built scrapbooks/photo albums as they went while others got near the end of the year and realized they didn't have much for recorded memories.
5) My sister also would host get-togethers at her house for other exchange students from the same and even surrounding area schools. That was a nice debrief time for them to share their experiences with someone else far from home.
6) We generalize, but every kid is different. Don't just look at them as a kid from country A, just like the children in our own family are all different. We have used regular checks ups to discuss what they expected or had preconceived thoughts about before they came and then compare and contrast with their actual experience. We shared back the same.
7) Share expectations in your home. When I was teaching we had an exchange student from Norway that smoked as it was common there. At the school I taught in, caught drinking or smoking meant kids were often dismissed from sports teams which was difficult for him. Discuss those issues.
8) Language ability varies and when limited isn't a barrier, but rather an opportunity. at times we have put post it notes all over the house with the name in English and they added the name in their native tongue. It was a learning opportunity for both of us....just try to get a French kid to pronounce the word "squirrel" (and try to catch one to put a post it note on it.
9) Nearly all issues were issues of communication. Don't let them fester. Get the family around the table and talk them out. Here are a few examples:
Here are a few thoughts in regards to your questions:
1) They want an American cultural experience. While it is great to travel and visit places, the real cultural experience is living every day life in an American home and going to an American school. It isn't the goal of the program to make them love America and want to stay forever. Take the opportunity to learn about them, their family and their culture. They are just different, not better or worse. Be curious.
2) We had a rule at our house that you don't have to eat everything, but you have to try it.
3) Ask them (or their home family if you have a chance to interact by mail/e-mail and language is not limiting) what their favorite foods are at home. Let them cook for you and show off their own culture.
4) They will take lots of pictures while here, but often won't be in them. Make sure you get some of them in the picture to help them build out a record of their experiences. Some built scrapbooks/photo albums as they went while others got near the end of the year and realized they didn't have much for recorded memories.
5) My sister also would host get-togethers at her house for other exchange students from the same and even surrounding area schools. That was a nice debrief time for them to share their experiences with someone else far from home.
6) We generalize, but every kid is different. Don't just look at them as a kid from country A, just like the children in our own family are all different. We have used regular checks ups to discuss what they expected or had preconceived thoughts about before they came and then compare and contrast with their actual experience. We shared back the same.
7) Share expectations in your home. When I was teaching we had an exchange student from Norway that smoked as it was common there. At the school I taught in, caught drinking or smoking meant kids were often dismissed from sports teams which was difficult for him. Discuss those issues.
8) Language ability varies and when limited isn't a barrier, but rather an opportunity. at times we have put post it notes all over the house with the name in English and they added the name in their native tongue. It was a learning opportunity for both of us....just try to get a French kid to pronounce the word "squirrel" (and try to catch one to put a post it note on it.
9) Nearly all issues were issues of communication. Don't let them fester. Get the family around the table and talk them out. Here are a few examples:
- Time: One student came from a "relaxed time culture" where if you showed up early, or even on time, it was rude. The first week my sister (a teacher at the same high school) said she had to be out the door at X time. The exchange student climbed in the shower a few minutes before and was obviously late. The talked about it that night and both learned about the other culture.
- Meals: On weekends my sister would always make hot breakfast. One student didn't get up until about 11 when my sister had started lunch prep. The student would get cereal and have breakfast. My sister didn't say anything for several weeks and finally had to talk about it as she was frustrated. Learned in the students culture, they ate breakfast at 11, lunch at 4 and dinner not until late in the evening. Talk cleared up the issue.
- Food: I was a group lead for 10 students to Costa Rica and the students had about a month home-stay. As I visited them in house, one of the students had little to no Spanish and the host family had little to no English. The one complaint from the student was that all she had had for a week straight was scrambled eggs. The one complaint from the family was that all the student would eat for breakfast was scrambled eggs! When talked it through, they laughed, hugged and had a great rest of the experience.
- Money: Some students come from wealthy families and have lots of spending money, and others have almost none and can't work. One student had a toothache but little English. Thankfully another exchange student was able to relate the issue to my sister and they went to the dentist. The kid had such bad teeth he needed $3K of work. AFS paid for the initial work needed but not the rest. The kid had though it was all free in the US.
So, you found a wife and became an Iowa State fan? Success!
Funny story... Every time I'd come back to ISU from vacation in Brazil, the Immigration officer would always ask me "why would decide to go to school in Iowa of all places?" ... My reply was the same every time "I guess I just really love corn!" they would chuckle at it every single time.
A little humorous exchange with our last student that underscores careful communication. He had never had pot roast, so I made one and it turned out really well - tender & flavorful. When we asked him what he thought of it, he said "It's decent". He didn't understand my reaction to that "compliment"...! So we talked about the word "decent", and found that he thought it meant "very good".
To this day, when someone in the family says "It's decent", we ask if they mean American decent or German decent.
To this day, when someone in the family says "It's decent", we ask if they mean American decent or German decent.
There is one uncomfortable conversation that will have to be had with the ES - She's from Denmark and the elephant in the room will be why POTUS wants to buy Greenland. Any tips on how to have this conversation?
Better Off Dead and Sixteen Candles were the two things I thought of right away when I saw this thread. I just found it easier to find an appropriate clip from BOD.
She probably already knows that our president is a moron. Should be smooth sailing from there.
At first glance, I read the thread as Hostaging a Foreign Exchange Student.
Thankfully, I re-read the title before posting my advice.
Thankfully, I re-read the title before posting my advice.
The one we ran into with our Norwegian girl was that (at that time, at least), Norwegian women did not shave their legs or armpits, and she was getting teased pretty heavily about it. Had a long talk with her about the "once you do it, you do it for life" thing and that she would only be here for 10 months...also talked about turning the tables on the teasers and pointing out that she didn't have to do contortions in the shower. She finally decided to give in to American norms on the topic. Your girl has been here a couple of weeks; that may have already been covered for her.
I thought a lot last night about what I could add to the great advice others had already posted, had it all formulated, and then got on this morning to discover CyberJJJ had added everything else I had thought to add.
We've hosted 5, with 4 positive experiences and one that was sent home at semester, and we were a welcome family last fall until a permanent home could be found.
The experience is absolutely about the little everyday living. Family meals together, going to the grocery store, even watching movies or TV together, all the little things are what they will miss when it's over. They're learning about America, and improving English,and making friends, but also learning about themselves. It's akin to the first month of college, but in a different language, and with rules.
For several of our students they knew English but didn't trust that they knew English, just encourage them that it gets easier the more they speak. As others have said, there will be miscommunications, but don't let little things fester.
The one kid that got sent home it was all about a lack of communication. He was talking to his mom, everyday, when we had said to limit it to once a weekend; telling her one story, while telling us a different story. He wanted to be a guest, not a family member, and pulled back into himself rather than put himself more out there.
No matter how well adjusted the student is, there will be struggles the first month or sometimes even semester. But as long as both sides are talking and willing to put in the work it gets easier.
Extracurriculars are great for making friends, but we generally take sports more seriously than most places, and depending on the coach it can be a bit much. Our speech and drama department have been great for several of our girls.
Hosting has definitely helped us to be better parents and given our kids a different perspective (my oldest is almost in middle school, we've hosted most of his life). It's taught us a lot about a lot of different cultures, but also about some of the things we take for granted here. We aren't hosting this year and definitely miss it.
We've hosted 5, with 4 positive experiences and one that was sent home at semester, and we were a welcome family last fall until a permanent home could be found.
The experience is absolutely about the little everyday living. Family meals together, going to the grocery store, even watching movies or TV together, all the little things are what they will miss when it's over. They're learning about America, and improving English,and making friends, but also learning about themselves. It's akin to the first month of college, but in a different language, and with rules.
For several of our students they knew English but didn't trust that they knew English, just encourage them that it gets easier the more they speak. As others have said, there will be miscommunications, but don't let little things fester.
The one kid that got sent home it was all about a lack of communication. He was talking to his mom, everyday, when we had said to limit it to once a weekend; telling her one story, while telling us a different story. He wanted to be a guest, not a family member, and pulled back into himself rather than put himself more out there.
No matter how well adjusted the student is, there will be struggles the first month or sometimes even semester. But as long as both sides are talking and willing to put in the work it gets easier.
Extracurriculars are great for making friends, but we generally take sports more seriously than most places, and depending on the coach it can be a bit much. Our speech and drama department have been great for several of our girls.
Hosting has definitely helped us to be better parents and given our kids a different perspective (my oldest is almost in middle school, we've hosted most of his life). It's taught us a lot about a lot of different cultures, but also about some of the things we take for granted here. We aren't hosting this year and definitely miss it.
Just don't end up marrying the exchange student after they turn 18 and the year/semester is done. I've seen it happen.
