Bad parenting?

[carvers4math]

CF green with envy. Stadium with beer and extra wide seats with a back.

 

[NWICY]

I want to preface this by saying I was inspired to ask this question after watching Judge Judy, who seems to think that kids should not be left to their own devices outdoors and should be supervised at all times, even when out riding bikes in the neighborhood.

I was not raised that way. In fact, I often spent all day outdoors, playing with neighborhood kids. When we lived in upstate New York, there was a construction project going on in our suburban backyards where people were trenching for plumbing or electrical. We would spend all day in those trenches having dirt clod fights, no parents in sight. I lived there from age 8 to age 10

We also used to ride our bikes around all day in the neighborhood and beyond. I rode my bike to school and rode it at least a couple of miles to Little League practice, no parents around.

One of my fondest memories was the summer of my 9th year, when me and three or four other boys from my neighborhood planned a trip to some foothills of the Adirondack Mountains, which we could see beckoning to us from our front yards. We could also see a building on top of one of those mountains and rumor had it among us boys that it was a monastery, manned by some particularly militant monks, who would patrol the mountain in jeeps, looking for trespassers. We could also see from certain areas of our neighborhood some of the Green Mountains of Revolutionary War fame, but they were much farther away.

We (or at least I) planned this trip with the full approval of our parents. In fact, my mother packed a lunch for me of a ham sandwich, an apple and a thermos of Kool-Aid. We rode our bikes to this foothill. It was much farther than it looked. We dropped our bikes off on the side of the road and started up the mountain without them, because we anticipated having to dodge monks patrolling in their jeeps and it would be easier to hide without bikes. The road up to what we thought was a monastery was carved into the side of the mountain and spiraled around it, rising higher as it went. Whenever we heard an engine, whether imaginary or not, we would rush off the road, climbing uphill at the side of the road into the woods and hide until the threat passed or we felt brave enough to continue.

I don't think we ever did see a jeep full of monks, but we took to the woods several times as we made our way up. We could actually climb up to the next level of the road. We never did find a monastery either, but we did find an old shack that had what looked to us young boys like hand grenade pins that had been pulled out before the grenades were tossed out the windows. In our feverish imagination, we pictured a huge battle against fierce monks in a desperate struggle against formidable odds in that little shack. In retrospect, the items we found were not hand grenade pins, but some kind of metal clips that might have been attached to a belt. There were dozens of them, but I don't know what they were for sure.

We explored that wooded area for a good long time and sat down to enjoy our lunch alongside a trickling brook. We traversed a huge gash in the side of a mountain where it looked like a landslide had occurred, and slaked our thirst in a mountain spring. Like I said, we never found the monastery, and maybe we had the wrong mountain because there was definitely a building atop one of those hills that we could see from our houses.

Around supper time, we dragged our weary bodies home, tired but full of stories of our adventures. We were never scolded for being out all day. So do you think we had bad parents? Judge Judy sure seems to think so.

No you had awesome parents for the time! Mine were similar

 

[stateofmind]

I want to preface this by saying I was inspired to ask this question after watching Judge Judy, who seems to think that kids should not be left to their own devices outdoors and should be supervised at all times, even when out riding bikes in the neighborhood.

I was not raised that way. In fact, I often spent all day outdoors, playing with neighborhood kids. When we lived in upstate New York, there was a construction project going on in our suburban backyards where people were trenching for plumbing or electrical. We would spend all day in those trenches having dirt clod fights, no parents in sight. I lived there from age 8 to age 10

We also used to ride our bikes around all day in the neighborhood and beyond. I rode my bike to school and rode it at least a couple of miles to Little League practice, no parents around.

One of my fondest memories was the summer of my 9th year, when me and three or four other boys from my neighborhood planned a trip to some foothills of the Adirondack Mountains, which we could see beckoning to us from our front yards. We could also see a building on top of one of those mountains and rumor had it among us boys that it was a monastery, manned by some particularly militant monks, who would patrol the mountain in jeeps, looking for trespassers. We could also see from certain areas of our neighborhood some of the Green Mountains of Revolutionary War fame, but they were much farther away.

We (or at least I) planned this trip with the full approval of our parents. In fact, my mother packed a lunch for me of a ham sandwich, an apple and a thermos of Kool-Aid. We rode our bikes to this foothill. It was much farther than it looked. We dropped our bikes off on the side of the road and started up the mountain without them, because we anticipated having to dodge monks patrolling in their jeeps and it would be easier to hide without bikes. The road up to what we thought was a monastery was carved into the side of the mountain and spiraled around it, rising higher as it went. Whenever we heard an engine, whether imaginary or not, we would rush off the road, climbing uphill at the side of the road into the woods and hide until the threat passed or we felt brave enough to continue.

I don't think we ever did see a jeep full of monks, but we took to the woods several times as we made our way up. We could actually climb up to the next level of the road. We never did find a monastery either, but we did find an old shack that had what looked to us young boys like hand grenade pins that had been pulled out before the grenades were tossed out the windows. In our feverish imagination, we pictured a huge battle against fierce monks in a desperate struggle against formidable odds in that little shack. In retrospect, the items we found were not hand grenade pins, but some kind of metal clips that might have been attached to a belt. There were dozens of them, but I don't know what they were for sure.

We explored that wooded area for a good long time and sat down to enjoy our lunch alongside a trickling brook. We traversed a huge gash in the side of a mountain where it looked like a landslide had occurred, and slaked our thirst in a mountain spring. Like I said, we never found the monastery, and maybe we had the wrong mountain because there was definitely a building atop one of those hills that we could see from our houses.

Around supper time, we dragged our weary bodies home, tired but full of stories of our adventures. We were never scolded for being out all day. So do you think we had bad parents? Judge Judy sure seems to think so.

I just want to compliment the wonderful narration. I felt I was there... Maybe because I was born in 1970 and explored miles from home as a young lad around the gravel countryside I lived in in SE Iowa. My home town had 110 people. All day imagination journeys.

 

[cowgirl836]

So much depends on the kid. Like the neighbors say their kid who looks to be about 6 has ADHD but they let her play on the railroad tracks? Like any kid should be on the tracks but one with ADHD? Someone with the railroad actually apprehended her and was looking for the parents. I just told them to go two doors down and look for the oldest kid, parents’ vehicles were not there.

I don’t know if your son has anything like ADHD but you know his behavior better than anyone. On the other hand, it always seemed like the kids acted up more at home cause they have a trust level there.

He toes that line sometimes lol.

 

[CYdTracked]

I pretty much had the same experience growing up in small town Iowa,out riding bikes all summer exploring the neighborhood, hanging at the pool and friends houses with little supervision. But there’s a big difference between growing up in a small midwestern town and a big city with a lot more people and crime.

This is kind of where I am at in life these days. Grew up in rural Iowa in the country so closest neighbors were 1/4 mile down the road. Today I live in a busy suburban neighborhood as I don't feel as secure as I might in the area I grew up. I don't live in a bad neighborhood but have witnessed a potential suspect involving a gun incident that was being chased and literally tackled and put in cuffs just 2 houses down and also apparently had a group of suspected thieves arrested around 2am outside my house 1 night too. Both happened within the past 3 years.

With all the child abduction stories out there I've grown less trustworthy of people in general over the years. As long as I know myself or someone I trust is going to be nearby when my younger kids are outside I'm OK I guess. They aren't at an age yet where I think they would be able to sense possible danger if my worst fear were to happen. I'm not one to be judgemental of how others parent as I have my flaws too.

 

[JM4CY]

I played more and was gone more often than I think kids are now a days. Back in the day air conditioning wasn't as prevalent so we'd go to the pool, creek, bowling alley, rec center, library, etc.
I think kids now a days are more schedule based. Sports, activities, etc do have an impact on that.

I was always told "be home at dark" and was frequently reminded about Johnny Gosch.

This was the way it was supposed to be and an America our kids will never understand. Best day every summer was when a buddies dad made his annual trip to Missouri for fireworks. Best night every year ever.

 

[Al_4_State]

I grew up 5 miles from the nearest paved road. In first grade I was a latchkey kid, except the door was never locked

 

[LarryISU]

Like others have said, growing up on a farm, I had hundreds of chances to die. We had a silo my older brother and I climbed the outside almost every day. Those bars that hold the silo together are 2 feet apart. So I had to stretch out 4 feet to reach the next ring with my fingers while I put my foot up to the next level. I still literally shudder when I picture it now. I can't imagine thinking my kids (or now grandkids) might be doing something like that.

 

[wxman1]

Is it possible neither is very responsible or good parenting?

Our son is 9.5 now and we got him a Gizmo watch this year so we are slowly letting him go farther on his own.

 

[CloneFanInKC]

Yesterday I had a naked homeless man walk down my street in broad daylight.

I’m okay playing it a bit close with my 10 year old daughter.

@helechopper What city do you live in?

 

[carvers4math]

I’m curious if any of you free range kids ever had chores or if your kids do?

I did and my kids did. Husband’s weird family rotated which kid had to set the dinner table, like that was some major task, and they had six kids and this was the only chore.

My kids loved the riding mower but less enthused with shoveling snow. Made sure they could all cook, do laundry, and clean before they went to college. They also helped with the garden. Younger kids were on toy pickup duty.

Are chores now passe?

 

[helechopper]

@helechopper What city do you live in?

North Chicago burbs.

 

[ISU4Life]

I’m curious if any of you free range kids ever had chores or if your kids do?

I did and my kids did. Husband’s weird family rotated which kid had to set the dinner table, like that was some major task, and they had six kids and this was the only chore.

My kids loved the riding mower but less enthused with shoveling snow. Made sure they could all cook, do laundry, and clean before they went to college. They also helped with the garden. Younger kids were on toy pickup duty.

Are chores now passe?

Yes, for sure I did. Had to mow and also indoor chores as well.

 

[carvers4math]

Yes, for sure I did. Had to mow and also indoor chores as well.

Thanks, all these idyllic descriptions were starting to make me feel like an indentured servant because I had to weed and water the garden before softball practice.

 

[baller21]

This was the way it was supposed to be and an America our kids will never understand. Best day every summer was when a buddies dad made his annual trip to Missouri for fireworks. Best night every year ever.

My dad traveled a lot for work and would always bring firecrackers, bottle rockets and Roman candles back. Our backyard was always a good time on the 4th.

 

[baller21]

I’m curious if any of you free range kids ever had chores or if your kids do?

I did and my kids did. Husband’s weird family rotated which kid had to set the dinner table, like that was some major task, and they had six kids and this was the only chore.

My kids loved the riding mower but less enthused with shoveling snow. Made sure they could all cook, do laundry, and clean before they went to college. They also helped with the garden. Younger kids were on toy pickup duty.

Are chores now passe?

I mowed, shoveled, took out trash and had to help sisters with dishes and dusting. I definitely preferred the outdoor chores.

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Thanks, all these idyllic descriptions were starting to make me feel like an indentured servant because I had to weed and water the garden before softball practice.

I wasn't rural, but I had chores. So did my boys.
Whether or not they were accomplished with speed, grace & accuracy is a whole 'nuther story!

 

[carvers4math]

I wasn't rural, but I had chores. So did my boys.
Whether or not they were accomplished with speed, grace & accuracy is a whole 'nuther story!

Telling a 14 year old boy to make his own breakfast burrito becomes a task in helping him sift out the eggshells. But he was happy he knew how to take care of himself when he was on his own.

 

[Rabbuk]

I had to do indoor and outdoor chores before I was allowed to wander freely with my friends.

 

[BCClone]

Thanks, all these idyllic descriptions were starting to make me feel like an indentured servant because I had to weed and water the garden before softball practice.

I had to feed the calves, water the cattle, check on the hogs, get the eggs when we had laying hens, then during planting i worked ground and hauled grain and did tillage at harvest time (flying solo in the field at age 10).