Long-Term Care Insurance

[IcSyU]

How much does it cost to have a live-in nurse in the home they already own? $110k+/year seems ridiculous, I feel like if my parents were facing that I'd just take care of them & take the $100k as a 'salary'.. I understand everyone can't just up & quit their job for an unknown period of time, but feel like you could live comfortably on that.

If it was that easy everyone would do it.

What happens when you're at work?
What happens when you need to get groceries?
What happens when they're sick?
What happens if you're married?

This attitude is why facilities struggle mightily to staff. The care provided is as a whole extremely underappreciated by society.

 

[Die4Cy]

Have heard the horror stories of denials by some nursing home insurance companies after a lifetime of paid premiums and finally the claim when the coverage is needed. At this point in my life the premiums would be horribly expensive. Taking the risk. It would eat up a lot of assets if nursing home is needed.

My folks had a return-of-premium rider on their policy. It cost them like 25% more, but when both passed away without a stay that triggered a claim, they did receive all their premiums back. In their case it was $40k. I don't know if that is offered any more.

 

[Tailg8er]

If it was that easy everyone would do it.

What happens when you're at work?
What happens when you need to get groceries?
What happens when they're sick?
What happens if you're married?

This attitude is why facilities struggle mightily to staff. The care provided is as a whole extremely underappreciated by society.

I'm not trying to suggest it's easy for everyone to do - obviously takes a certain type of person to do it. "What happens when you're at work" - did you not read my post? I was saying I would quit my job to do that full time - $100k/year is a pretty good salary...

"What happens when you need to get groceries"? Go when they're napping, have a cam in the house. Or better yet, have the groceries delivered..? You act like they're sitting there playing with fire 24/7, do you think someone is constantly looking at them every hour of every day in a nursing home?

When they're sick? Take care of them like you would anyone else who's sick? Take them to the doctor/hospital if necessary?

If you're married? Well obviously would only work if your spouse was on board, too.

 

[1SEIACLONE]

How much does it cost to have a live-in nurse in the home they already own? $110k+/year seems ridiculous, I feel like if my parents were facing that I'd just take care of them & take the $100k as a 'salary'.. I understand everyone can't just up & quit their job for an unknown period of time, but feel like you could live comfortably on that.

Until you have been a full time care giver for a person, you have no understanding of how demanding it is. Sounds easy, fed them, put them in front of the TV and then you just hang out. You don't think about the showing, dressing,, cleaning up after them when they mess and the rest of it. Its hard enough to wipe the butt of your child, try doing it to an adult. Being a care giver slowly but surly wears you down, until you have been in the life, no one has a clue what it is really like. Like I have told others, I would not wish having a handicapped child or in this case taking care of an elderly parent, on my worst enemy.

 

[Tailg8er]

Until you have been a full time care giver for a person, you have no understanding of how demanding it is. Sounds easy, fed them, put them in front of the TV and then you just hang out. You don't think about the showing, dressing,, cleaning up after them when they mess and the rest of it. Its hard enough to wipe the butt of your child, try doing it to an adult. Being a care giver slowly but surly wears you down, until you have been in the life, no one has a clue what it is really like. Like I have told others, I would not wish having a handicapped child or in this case taking care of an elderly parent, on my worst enemy.

Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to make it sound easy/like everyone can do it.

 

[1SEIACLONE]

Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to make it sound easy/like everyone can do it.

Its fine, most people don't know and truthfully, i hope they never find out.

Its the little things that wear you down. We went to our grand daughters band concert on Monday. As we were leaving, I saw a man pushing his handicapped child into the Gilbert auditorium, jammed full of people trying to leave and other trying to get in. I looked at the child, and thought, that was my life for over 30 years. I so much wanted to talk to him, tell him how much I understand his life, but I just let it go. I knew he had bigger problems with getting the wheelchair through the crowd and finding a seat for them. Until you live the life, I mean 24/7 no one has any clue the stress it causes.

 

[FLYINGCYCLONE]

West Bend Iowa rest home $280/day.
$80/day x$30 days $2400 a month extra for the $360. My mom is 99 years old. Not sure I can change her diaper? Hard choices. In 20 years the $360 room could be pushing$7-800

 

[BCClone]

I'm not trying to suggest it's easy for everyone to do - obviously takes a certain type of person to do it. "What happens when you're at work" - did you not read my post? I was saying I would quit my job to do that full time - $100k/year is a pretty good salary...

"What happens when you need to get groceries"? Go when they're napping, have a cam in the house. Or better yet, have the groceries delivered..? You act like they're sitting there playing with fire 24/7, do you think someone is constantly looking at them every hour of every day in a nursing home?

When they're sick? Take care of them like you would anyone else who's sick? Take them to the doctor/hospital if necessary?

If you're married? Well obviously would only work if your spouse was on board, too.

Difference is when you go to get groceries and you get a call that they need to use the restroom or one has fallen, you gotten fly out and handle it.you have to get used to wiping your moms privates and washing her down in a shower/bath. Stuff like that. It’s different with a non parent.

 

[ISU22CY]

West Bend Iowa rest home $280/day.
$80/day x$30 days $2400 a month extra for the $360. My mom is 99 years old. Not sure I can change her diaper? Hard choices. In 20 years the $360 room could be pushing$7-800

I'd like to be able to find out what it was costing there for my grandpa back in 07-08. Back then they were amazing with him and couldn't have asked for a better place for him.

 

[dmclone]

My aunt died a couple of years ago at 95. For the last 7 years of her life, she had 24/7 care at home. I think it cost her around $150k/year and worked well for her. The night nurses had very easy jobs.

 

[RLD4ISU]

Going through this right now with my mother. In 6 months time, she went from living alone and all there mentally to breaking her hip and now being in a nursing home for life. In small town Iowa, the not-for-profit nursing home is charging her $9k/month. Right now I'm in the process of getting everything together for when she has to go on Medicaid. At 90 and in her condition, it really doesn't matter. She has zero expenses beside the nursing home. I could see how this would be really bad if it was husband/wife.

On a side note, I was ignorant when it came to the impact on breaking a hip. I had always heard how bad it is to break it when you're old, and assumed they were talking about walking. For her, it was the anesthesia. Apparently, when you're old it can cause major damage mentally, which it did.

If I remember right, there's a way for Medicare to pay for 30 days, up to 90 if she has a good supplemental. But it takes paperwork & doctor's order, etc.

 

[RLD4ISU]

Long post, but maybe some info for someone else?

For those that need assistance, hospice could be an option that Medicare will cover. It can also be at home hospice care. An ER doctor and my Mom's regular doctor are the ones that brought it up to my Dad. Mom is in end stages of vascular dementia. She has had hospice care since November 2023. The amount of care she has received has increased over time as she declines/progresses.

She started out with 3 days a week and now hospice is there daily. She has been completely bedridden since May. Hospice is there every day. If my Dad needs additional support - like going to an appointment or event for an hour or two, he can arrange for someone with hospice to sit with my Mom. He rarely uses this since my sister lives across the street and my Aunt (mom's sister) is there once a week to sit with Mom. He has also hired an aide from a local/county healthcare to come in every afternoon and change Mom. He pays that part out of pocket.

Along with the daily care, hospice will give my Dad a respite for up to 5 days every month. Hospice arranges for transportation, they will pick up Mom and take her to a hospital (they have an agreement with) and bring her home. It's designed to give the caregiver a break. Unfortunately, he only does this every 2-3 months and not for the full 5 days.

It is taking a toll on my Dad. He thinks he's doing good. My sister & I, plus hospice, have told him that we see how he's declining and are constantly urging him to take care of himself, do the respite every month, etc. Stubborn old man won't listen. (He's 82 - The Silent Generation). A couple months ago I told him that when he does too much or is too tired he's a grumpy old curmudgeon that NO ONE wants to be around. I also told him he needs to find someone to talk to - the pastor at his church or something. I firmly believe he's - understandably - dealing with survivors guilt and grief. He was shocked I was so blunt. Kinda went in one ear and out the other though.

Dementia is a curse and a blessing. Curse for those that see what it does to the person with it. And a blessing for the one that has it. My Mom, if she had full capacity of her brain/mind, would be absolutely horrified, embarrassed and deeply upset at things she has said and done, plus what her body can no longer do. So I am thankful that the dementia keeps her from that.

I have learned when I walk into the room, I immediately greet her with "Hi, Mom!" I think that helps her remember who I am.

She loves watching the digital picture frame my sister & I bought years ago. It was expensive, but so worth it. We can send pictures to it through an app instead of having to upload via usb. Mom watches it all the time and will comment on the pictures as they bring up memories.

A sensory blanket and those fidget poppers kids like have been great.

She also has a baby doll. That can be tough to watch sometimes. She will cuddle it, pat the butt like she's holding a real baby, give it kisses and talk to it. But Dad has noticed how it immediately calms her when she seems irritated or upset.

Conversations with her...well, they aren't conversations any more. She will give you a play by play of what is happening on the tv show that's on. Usually an old western or something she grew up watching. A lot of times she thinks she's in a nursing home.

 

[BCClone]

If I remember right, there's a way for Medicare to pay for 30 days, up to 90 if she has a good supplemental. But it takes paperwork & doctor's order, etc.

Has to come from a hospital and has to be basically for PT, nursing homes code the hell out of stuff and stretch it as long as possible.

 

[1SEIACLONE]

Long post, but maybe some info for someone else?

For those that need assistance, hospice could be an option that Medicare will cover. It can also be at home hospice care. An ER doctor and my Mom's regular doctor are the ones that brought it up to my Dad. Mom is in end stages of vascular dementia. She has had hospice care since November 2023. The amount of care she has received has increased over time as she declines/progresses.

She started out with 3 days a week and now hospice is there daily. She has been completely bedridden since May. Hospice is there every day. If my Dad needs additional support - like going to an appointment or event for an hour or two, he can arrange for someone with hospice to sit with my Mom. He rarely uses this since my sister lives across the street and my Aunt (mom's sister) is there once a week to sit with Mom. He has also hired an aide from a local/county healthcare to come in every afternoon and change Mom. He pays that part out of pocket.

Along with the daily care, hospice will give my Dad a respite for up to 5 days every month. Hospice arranges for transportation, they will pick up Mom and take her to a hospital (they have an agreement with) and bring her home. It's designed to give the caregiver a break. Unfortunately, he only does this every 2-3 months and not for the full 5 days.

It is taking a toll on my Dad. He thinks he's doing good. My sister & I, plus hospice, have told him that we see how he's declining and are constantly urging him to take care of himself, do the respite every month, etc. Stubborn old man won't listen. (He's 82 - The Silent Generation). A couple months ago I told him that when he does too much or is too tired he's a grumpy old curmudgeon that NO ONE wants to be around. I also told him he needs to find someone to talk to - the pastor at his church or something. I firmly believe he's - understandably - dealing with survivors guilt and grief. He was shocked I was so blunt. Kinda went in one ear and out the other though.

Dementia is a curse and a blessing. Curse for those that see what it does to the person with it. And a blessing for the one that has it. My Mom, if she had full capacity of her brain/mind, would be absolutely horrified, embarrassed and deeply upset at things she has said and done, plus what her body can no longer do. So I am thankful that the dementia keeps her from that.

I have learned when I walk into the room, I immediately greet her with "Hi, Mom!" I think that helps her remember who I am.

She loves watching the digital picture frame my sister & I bought years ago. It was expensive, but so worth it. We can send pictures to it through an app instead of having to upload via usb. Mom watches it all the time and will comment on the pictures as they bring up memories.

A sensory blanket and those fidget poppers kids like have been great.

She also has a baby doll. That can be tough to watch sometimes. She will cuddle it, pat the butt like she's holding a real baby, give it kisses and talk to it. But Dad has noticed how it immediately calms her when she seems irritated or upset.

Conversations with her...well, they aren't conversations any more. She will give you a play by play of what is happening on the tv show that's on. Usually an old western or something she grew up watching. A lot of times she thinks she's in a nursing home.

Care givers have to be aware that doing it wears them down, and they need to be able to get away from it, time to time, even if its only a few hours. You see cases of abuse all the time on the news, and generally its because the care giver is sick of it. No making excuses, but it just wears you down and you don't know its even happening. At least with our daughter we had two of us to take turns or split up duties. Your dad, is doing most of it by himself and getting wore down.

 

[dmclone]

If I remember right, there's a way for Medicare to pay for 30 days, up to 90 if she has a good supplemental. But it takes paperwork & doctor's order, etc.

This is what happened with my mother, but then 45 days in they determined she wasn't making enough progress, so they moved her out of skilled. It didn't really matter, just draining her funds 45 days sooner. The person who is helping us figure everything out mentioned that a lot of people don't get the full 90 days because of lack of progress

 

[Stormin]

This is what happened with my mother, but then 45 days in they determined she wasn't making enough progress, so they moved her out of skilled. It didn't really matter, just draining her funds 45 days sooner. The person who is helping us figure everything out mentioned that a lot of people don't get the full 90 days because of lack of progress

So you get 45 days. And if you show progress you get more. That’s reasonable. My MIL was under the impression that if she dogged it she would be kicked out and sent home. Not understanding that endangerment laws would apply to us in a home care situation. She stayed in nursing home. But became self pay

 

[CYDJ]

I'm not trying to suggest it's easy for everyone to do - obviously takes a certain type of person to do it. "What happens when you're at work" - did you not read my post? I was saying I would quit my job to do that full time - $100k/year is a pretty good salary...

"What happens when you need to get groceries"? Go when they're napping, have a cam in the house. Or better yet, have the groceries delivered..? You act like they're sitting there playing with fire 24/7, do you think someone is constantly looking at them every hour of every day in a nursing home?

When they're sick? Take care of them like you would anyone else who's sick? Take them to the doctor/hospital if necessary?

If you're married? Well obviously would only work if your spouse was on board, too.

I think you are mistaking assisted living with nursing care. YES, someone is there 24/7, usually in both cases. In neither case can they come immediately for minor issues (that is obvious if you have had ANY relatives in either situation), but there are people there to take care of their needs all day and all night (theoretically.)

If you haven't had an elder go from their own housing through the long downward ascent to death AND have them go through the system, you should talk to some that have. Anyone who does this FOR their elders who have many difficulties, (can not fully care for, feed, bathe, and restroom themselves) are SAINTS, especially if they do it for years! Not to mention if they are a wander threat or could hurt themselves becuase they are no longer in control of their wits.

Like I said. I considered it for when my mother was on the first stage of Assisted Care. No way I would have been able to handle the needs when she was in nursing care even if I gave up my job. I'm not sure what % of nursing home care is 2 person lift. But, I would guess that is a huge factor. That is about the time most assisted care is done with you.

Our assisted and nursing care situation is bad, it is VERY expensive and it is going to get MUCH worse. If you are concerned about the price of eggs, look at the average inflation rate of assisted living and nursing care has been over the past 10 years and what it is projected to be. In 26 years when I have my wife and I projected in nursing care (figured this by an average of our parents and grandparents ages when entering these kinds of facilities), we're looking at $81,000 / month or a grand total of $972,000 / year. I am hoping this is a worst case scenario and I realize that sounds like a lot today, but may not be as outrageous then, but it is a lot to plan for.

I am hoping that artificial intelligence and automation and robotics is able to help with many things in the future. Robotic walkers and bidets could take care of a large percentage of what some of these workers have to do today. There are great pill dispensers on the market today, that, if filled properly, could provide medications instead of the incessant "rounds" these nurses have to do to give pills all day (only for those competent to do it though.)

It is probably neither as easy or as hard as some make it out to be. However, we need to consider what some of these people need in these homes and remember those might be the relatives we are talking about taking care of on our lunch breaks or during commercials during our "stories."

Note: I should say that for the people here who have told their stories, it is EXACTLY as hard as they say it is. I can't say this becuase I have never in their position. So, I was maybe more talking about me when I said "some".

Nevertheless, our elder care situation is going to get worse before it gets better and we need some organized effort behind it. That is unquestionable.

 

[BCClone]

This is what happened with my mother, but then 45 days in they determined she wasn't making enough progress, so they moved her out of skilled. It didn't really matter, just draining her funds 45 days sooner. The person who is helping us figure everything out mentioned that a lot of people don't get the full 90 days because of lack of progress

This is a biggie. I will also suggest to get to know the main caretaker that is assigned (there is usually a main nurse who is the primary person for each person) for you loved one. They can make a huge difference. I was in there every day for my mom and the nurses knew me. I could get better response from them than many.

Bluntly, I got better response from the care center than I did at any hospital. Most doctors that I would talk to would be pure negative. Each doctor and nurse would tell me different things. I have learned to not trust nurse practitioners with anything more than strep throat. Had too many that thought they were full fledged doctors and specialists in every category. Problem is, this is what you are going to find at many smaller hospitals.

 

[FLYINGCYCLONE]

No rest home is perfect and you don’t get 1 on 1 care. But some are better than others, as I am finding out. Medicare.com can help you. They rate places 1-5 stars. Maybe do a search for places to see if the state has fined the place. I just looked at one that is a 1* , 5 is best. And the state has fined then 2 of the last 3 years. Not what I am looking for. Hope , the ones are looking find good places. Start looking early, the waiting lists get longer every day.

 

[2speedy1]

I bought this through work when I was in my early 30s and wife in 20s, it was dirt cheap. Like $20-30 a month for each of us for $500 per day coverage each. Unfortunately, because of circumstances out of my control, that policy as well as a large life insurance policy was canceled.

Wish I had kept all of that now, but things happened and I made decisions I wish I did not.