When, in the course of human events, I post nonsense on the Internet, there are 13 statements by which I abide.
On occasion in posts, in the place of making a full, often repeated diatribe, I will refer to a manifesto section number if I think it is relevant, and move quickly back on topic.
For example:
[New Thread]
Poster 1: “Isn’t Hilton Magic awesome?â€
Poster 2: “Why do you even bring it up all the time? It is stupid.â€
Me: “While Poster 1 might be in violation of my manifesto point #1, Poster 2 violates #3 and #6. Having said that, the term “Hilton Magic†(I believe) was coined by some guy at the Register in 1989 after we beat 3rd ranked Mizzou.â€
[End Thread]
(Please note my attempt at #11 in restoring the thread.)
Feel free to add your own if you like. Here are the 13 points of my message board manifesto:
1 – I will not start threads on a current news item or popular topic until I’ve used the search function.
2 – I will not call the members of a thread “hypocrites†because I half-remember a post from a year ago where someone held an opinion that is contrary to the ones on the current thread.
3 – I will not tell anyone to “just let go†of a thread topic they are harping on that I believe to be insignificant. Message boards are for hanging on, not letting go, and if I really thought it was insignificant…I would not be reading the thread.
4 – Every thread I start will include at least one statement of fact – a statistic, an event, an object, anything that can be verified as either true or false.
5 – If I make an appeal to an argument made on a different thread, I will provide a link and a quote.
6 – If every poster to a thread I start includes the word “Fail†in each of their responses, I will select one of two options:
a) quietly accept failure and move on, or
b) good-naturedly admit failure…and move on. I will not select option
c) reasserting my failed position, nor option
d) revising my failed position, nor option
e) pretending to “get it†while, in effect, beating a dead horse posting “humorous†retorts to every rightfully insulting post.
7 – I will not waste everyone’s time with any variation of the opinion “I don’t care about this topic, and neither should you.â€
8 – I will not state other people’s opinions as my own. If I agree with an opinion that is not my own, I will credit it, quote it and link it.
9 – I will rely on the good judgment of other message board participants to declare my arguments victorious or failed. I will not claim victory for myself.
A corollary: I will allow myself a single “I told you so†post for any contested
prediction of mine that actually comes true.
10 – Anything I’ve ever posted publicly, or that has been reported (accurately) in the media, is fair game for all time. The arm of the law is long, but the reach of the Internet is infinite. I accept this. I reserve the right to recant or explain any statement, but I don’t have the right to refer to it as “water under the bridge†nor “ancient history.†Those are excuses, not rebuttals.
11 – I will do my best to restore initially decent but weakened or derailed threads with an interesting fact.
12 – Godwin’s Law – First one to appeal to nazism or Hitler to win an argument, loses the argument.
13 – Godwin’s Law Corollary – First one to mistakenly claim Godwin’s Law when someone includes relevant references to the current or past state of Germany, the Nazi Party, or Totalitarianism, also loses.
On occasion in posts, in the place of making a full, often repeated diatribe, I will refer to a manifesto section number if I think it is relevant, and move quickly back on topic.
For example:
[New Thread]
Poster 1: “Isn’t Hilton Magic awesome?â€
Poster 2: “Why do you even bring it up all the time? It is stupid.â€
Me: “While Poster 1 might be in violation of my manifesto point #1, Poster 2 violates #3 and #6. Having said that, the term “Hilton Magic†(I believe) was coined by some guy at the Register in 1989 after we beat 3rd ranked Mizzou.â€
[End Thread]
(Please note my attempt at #11 in restoring the thread.)
Feel free to add your own if you like. Here are the 13 points of my message board manifesto:
1 – I will not start threads on a current news item or popular topic until I’ve used the search function.
2 – I will not call the members of a thread “hypocrites†because I half-remember a post from a year ago where someone held an opinion that is contrary to the ones on the current thread.
3 – I will not tell anyone to “just let go†of a thread topic they are harping on that I believe to be insignificant. Message boards are for hanging on, not letting go, and if I really thought it was insignificant…I would not be reading the thread.
4 – Every thread I start will include at least one statement of fact – a statistic, an event, an object, anything that can be verified as either true or false.
5 – If I make an appeal to an argument made on a different thread, I will provide a link and a quote.
6 – If every poster to a thread I start includes the word “Fail†in each of their responses, I will select one of two options:
a) quietly accept failure and move on, or
b) good-naturedly admit failure…and move on. I will not select option
c) reasserting my failed position, nor option
d) revising my failed position, nor option
e) pretending to “get it†while, in effect, beating a dead horse posting “humorous†retorts to every rightfully insulting post.
7 – I will not waste everyone’s time with any variation of the opinion “I don’t care about this topic, and neither should you.â€
8 – I will not state other people’s opinions as my own. If I agree with an opinion that is not my own, I will credit it, quote it and link it.
9 – I will rely on the good judgment of other message board participants to declare my arguments victorious or failed. I will not claim victory for myself.
A corollary: I will allow myself a single “I told you so†post for any contested
prediction of mine that actually comes true.
10 – Anything I’ve ever posted publicly, or that has been reported (accurately) in the media, is fair game for all time. The arm of the law is long, but the reach of the Internet is infinite. I accept this. I reserve the right to recant or explain any statement, but I don’t have the right to refer to it as “water under the bridge†nor “ancient history.†Those are excuses, not rebuttals.
11 – I will do my best to restore initially decent but weakened or derailed threads with an interesting fact.
12 – Godwin’s Law – First one to appeal to nazism or Hitler to win an argument, loses the argument.
13 – Godwin’s Law Corollary – First one to mistakenly claim Godwin’s Law when someone includes relevant references to the current or past state of Germany, the Nazi Party, or Totalitarianism, also loses.
