Parents Traveling for Work

[throwittoblythe]

I'm looking for a little anecdotal feedback here from the group regarding parents who travel for their job. Here are my questions:

• Do or did you or your spouse travel for work with young kids? What was your experience?
• Were you the child of a parent who traveled for work? What was your experience?

I'm in a job that will require a bit more travel once COVID restrictions wane more and clients start taking face-to-face meetings again. In terms of volume, I'm thinking 2-3 days a week, a couple times a month. We have two young kids (both under 7). It seems pretty manageable to me. I know being away from home is never ideal and "you don't get those years back," but it's also a role that allows us to live closer to family (my job is WFH with the travel component). I'm curious how this sort of arrangement has worked for others. For reference, my wife stays at home with the kids and doesn't work outside the home.

Thanks!

 

[mramseyISU]

I travel a little for work, at least pre-Covid I did. Normally I'm in a hotel for about 4-6 weeks total for the year with one of those trips being international. It's honestly not too bad even with a spouse that works too. My wife travels a little two but we almost never run into an issue where we're both traveling at the same time so it works just fine. My kids have never really seemed to mind since I can make it to 90% of their activities.

 

[urb1]

I traveled from about the time my kids were babies through their high school - about 25 years. It was usually two or three times a month, It was tough on my wife. Nothing worse than having your wife tell you you're never traveling again on Friday and you have to tell her you're traveling the next week.

It got easier as the kids get older. And I miss the travel now. We didn't pay for a vacation the entire time. One of the perks I guess with frequent flyer and hotel awards.

 

[DeereClone]

While you WFH you probably get to see your kids more during the day than you would if you left your job for a traditional office job with no travel. The WFH element might outweigh being gone and traveling from the standpoint of total time you spend with your kids.

 

[Clonefan32]

I don't have to travel at all for work, but have a few people I'm close with that do, or at least did before Covid. I get the impression it's pretty hard on their family. What it appears to boil down to is the expectation when they get home. I think most people if they've been traveling want to come home and unwind, whereas the spouse that was at home with the kids is ready for a break from the kids, or to go do some things they can't do without the other spouse being there.

I'd say if you and your spouse are good communicators and on the same page on parenting, it can be just fine. But I'd imagine if either of those aren't true those issues will only be exacerbated.

 

[throwittoblythe]

I traveled from about the time my kids were babies through their high school - about 25 years. It was usually two or three times a month, It was tough on my wife. Nothing worse than having your wife tell you you're never traveling again on Friday and you have to tell her you're traveling the next week.

It got easier as the kids get older. And I miss the travel now. We didn't pay for a vacation the entire time. One of the perks I guess with frequent flyer and hotel awards.

Thankfully 90% of my travel will be driving. It sucks to drive that much, but it also allows a lot more control over my schedule (no cancelled/delayed flights). That's another part of my job that I think will help with the travel component.

 

[coolerifyoudid]

While you WFH you probably get to see your kids more during the day than you would if you left your job for a traditional office job with no travel. The WFH element might outweigh being gone and traveling from the standpoint of total time you spend with your kids.

I think this is the way I'd approach the guilt the OP is likely feeling. People that spend 10-11 hours a day working away from their family spend more time away than he would. I imagine his attention will probably be in high demand as soon as he walks through the door, though.

I think as long as both parents are ok with the arrangement, it should be fine.

 

[BCClone]

As long as your spouse doesn't find out about your side action, it should be fine.

 

[throwittoblythe]

I think this is the way I'd approach the guilt the OP is likely feeling. People that spend 10-11 hours a day working away from their family spend more time away than he would. I imagine his attention will probably be in high demand as soon as he walks through the door, though.

I think as long as both parents are ok with the arrangement, it should be fine.

This is a great point by you and @farminclone that I hadn't thought about. I WFH when I'm not traveling. I have zero commute and in the summertime, I'll see my kids lots of times throughout the day when I take breaks from work. That helps ease some of the concerns I have, for sure.

I do worry a little about how my wife will handle it, but I do think everyone will adjust. Part of this new job allowed us to move back to Iowa and we're 15 mins from her parents house. So, that should be a nice "relief valve" when I'm gone and she feels overwhelmed.

And this is kind of how I looked at it when offered the position "Lots of people can do this successfully, I'm sure we can too."

 

[cyfan92]

Only way I'm traveling that much is if my job allows (double my current salary to offset hers) the mrs cyfan to either work part time or stay home. If I were single or we didn't have kids yet. I'd love to travel A LOT more for work. But I know that would be hard on my better half and I really would miss the kiddo (and hopefully more kiddos in the future).

Our current set-up where I'm slighy above average for my peers in compensation while working 1/2 days every Friday. It's a pretty sweet set-up IMO. 3 day weekends really should be a thing going forward. 1 day for getting things done. 1 for play. 1 for rest.

 

[Pat]

While you WFH you probably get to see your kids more during the day than you would if you left your job for a traditional office job with no travel. The WFH element might outweigh being gone and traveling from the standpoint of total time you spend with your kids.

Pre-pandemic I was traveling about 25% (fly out Sunday, back late Thursday, no work on Friday)and WFH for the rest. The WFH and Fridays off more than made up for it for both kids and stay-at-home mom. I’m around far more than I would be commuting from Ames to DSM.

There were times that it was a drag and/or a huge pain, but boy am I missing it now.

 

[DeereClone]

This is a great point by you and @farminclone that I hadn't thought about. I WFH when I'm not traveling. I have zero commute and in the summertime, I'll see my kids lots of times throughout the day when I take breaks from work. That helps ease some of the concerns I have, for sure.

I do worry a little about how my wife will handle it, but I do think everyone will adjust. Part of this new job allowed us to move back to Iowa and we're 15 mins from her parents house. So, that should be a nice "relief valve" when I'm gone and she feels overwhelmed.

And this is kind of how I looked at it when offered the position "Lots of people can do this successfully, I'm sure we can too."

My dad didn't travel for work, but with him farming and the seasonality of that job I think it is very similar. During the spring and fall we would go multiple days at a time without seeing our dad or seeing him very little. We also saw the other side of it where he was always around so in the summer if he had a little time we would do golf chipping contests around the yard, play basketball, go fishing quick, etc. I didn't mind the "seasonality" of that as a kid and understood the give and take that went with it. That gives you the kids' perspective, I can't speak to the spouses' perspective on this.

 

[cyclonesurveyor]

I've been stay at home dad / WFH for almost 7 years with my wife travelling once or twice a month. 3 kids are pretty active so it really sucked when I had to have all 3 someplace at the same time. Luckily kids are getting older to get themselves places now because after Europe / US flights open up, she will be travelling again for longer periods of time.

 

[NWICY]

Bring them presents. They are kids, if you bring them presents they won't care that you are gone. Once you forget the presents they are going to be mad at you though.

 

[urb1]

Bring them presents. They are kids, if you bring them presents they won't care that you are gone. Once you forget the presents they are going to be mad at you though.

Especially if you are going to a trade show (are those even a thing anymore?). You can pick up so many trinkets for the kids. You'll be a hero for a day, or until they get distracted.

 

[3GenClone]

The accessibility of facetime/video apps make it easy to still be involved with your kids daily and if you are close to family you likely have a good support structure to help.

Something to point out is that as your kids get older navigating activities becomes difficult with only 1 parent at home. Sports practice, clubs, and other after school activities can be difficult for one parent to manage. Unless your kids are twins and are into the same activities you would be OK, but it's been my experience that Kid 2's activities are usually a significant drive from where Kid 1 is currently. There are workarounds, like carpooling or having other family members help, but these aren't usually reliable means.

 

[cygrads]

When the whole "it's all about quality time not quantity time" idea was around I had a friend who had 3 young boys said that was ridiculous what really matters is being there as much as possible because you never know when and how many of those special moments there will be.

 

[AgronAlum]

The kids will be fine with that amount of travel. Make sure your wife is ok with it for real. My hang up has always been my significant others.

It helps to take them with every once in awhile. My family travels with me if I’m going to a place they can keep entertained and the kids don’t have school. It works out pretty well with the understanding that it’s a work trip for me during the day but a mini vacation for everyone at night.

 

[BuffettClone]

I don't have to travel at all for work, but have a few people I'm close with that do, or at least did before Covid. I get the impression it's pretty hard on their family. What it appears to boil down to is the expectation when they get home. I think most people if they've been traveling want to come home and unwind, whereas the spouse that was at home with the kids is ready for a break from the kids, or to go do some things they can't do without the other spouse being there.

I'd say if you and your spouse are good communicators and on the same page on parenting, it can be just fine. But I'd imagine if either of those aren't true those issues will only be exacerbated.

This is pretty accurate in my experience. My wife used to travel quite often for work and having to stay home with 3 kids ranging from baby to about 5 years old was rough. All I'd hear from the kids, the ones who could talk at least, while she was gone was they miss Mom and I'm the worst because I didn't have time to play with them between my job, cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, bedtime routines, etc. That on top of her calling and texting me how she either drank too much at the hotel bar, or got to eat at a really good hole-in-the-wall diner, etc. didn't go over very well.

In my experience neither spouse got what they wanted when the traveler returned home, she didn't get to relax and unwind and I didn't get any "free time." She was also not one bit happy with me the one time I had to travel for work, but that experience also did not seem to gain her any sympathy for what it was like for me being stuck at home while she was away. It's a good thing we have an otherwise very strong relationship and were able to weather that storm.

 

[cycloner29]

I'm looking for a little anecdotal feedback here from the group regarding parents who travel for their job. Here are my questions:

• Do or did you or your spouse travel for work with young kids? What was your experience?
• Were you the child of a parent who traveled for work? What was your experience?

I'm in a job that will require a bit more travel once COVID restrictions wane more and clients start taking face-to-face meetings again. In terms of volume, I'm thinking 2-3 days a week, a couple times a month. We have two young kids (both under 7). It seems pretty manageable to me. I know being away from home is never ideal and "you don't get those years back," but it's also a role that allows us to live closer to family (my job is WFH with the travel component). I'm curious how this sort of arrangement has worked for others. For reference, my wife stays at home with the kids and doesn't work outside the home.

Thanks!

Back in the '90s I traveled 6 days a week in for about 6 weeks in April-May and then again the same amount in Sept-Oct. Being in the seed industry does that. Our daughter was the oldest so my wife just loved taking her to dance class all the time. I was home on the weekends for soccer, etc, and made it to the majority of our kids events. Sure I've changed jobs a couple times but the companies I worked for always told me that we don't expect you to miss family events. I guess I focused on my job more so bosses would get the fact of my dedication and going above and beyond the call of duty at times. Still though, I missed a few things over the years. I would have trips that would last a week, but was able to use time away on weekends as comp time. My wife has been a stay at home mom and works out of the house. I was able to take my youngest with us on trip to Puerto Rico a couple years ago. So that helps the cause out. You should be fine with what you are doing. Personally, I can't wait to get out on the road again!