First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/
Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-04-2019.253299/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-11-2019.253483/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-18-2019.253655/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-08-2020.254206/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-01-15-2020.254348/
Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-22-2020
With special guest CoachHines3!
Sponsored by JuicyCloneNutz. JuicyCloneNutz - an explosion of flavor in your mouth!
@CycloneRulzz asks: Damn one just came to me. Why is it we can get a countdown clock for stupid fake tough UCF douches but not our Iowa State teams?
CoachHines3: the closest i come to watchin ufc is watching paige vanzants instagram page. so if i could get a countdown clock for every time she is going to post a new photo that would be great. as for us iowa state fans we just need a countdown clock counting down the time until we need to strap up our nutty cups.
Pants: Is UFC still a thing?
CoachHines3: for a split sec i thought he was asking a question on UCF. they are also stupid and fake tough.
GTO: he did type UCF, but I corrected it to UFC. On second thought, back to UCF.
GTO: Because ESPN+ has got us by the CloneCones. Just wait until they get the countdown clock for the 2020 Tetris World Championships on there. But seriously. WORLD championships is a bit of a stretch. I can’t imagine more than 2 kids in Bhutan are training for that Tetris competition.
@GTO asks: For next week, since I missed cutoff: Would you rather be able to see 5 minutes into your future (but lose a year of your life every time you do it) or gain 10 years of life every time you want (but a random stranger would die every time you get an additional ten years and you have to attend that person's wake/funeral)?
Pants: Honestly, neither. But since I have to pick, the former. I’d just choose to never use it. I’m assuming you still don’t know when you die? So I could be like “man, this is an intense Iowa State game, I’m just going to zip ahead and quick and see if we win” and then immediately die because your death date was within the next year.
GTO: I think a good look at 10-15 minutes into the future at a Vegas casino roulette table would be nice to get rich AF. What’s 2-3 years of life worth? The second scenario would be great if you got a guarantee that it would always be people 80 or older. I’ll go with scenario 1.
CoachHines3: give me the latter. look, if they r a random stranger no harm no foul. ill attend the wake and sign the guest book thanking them for putting 10 years on to my life. that alone will put mr random strangers fam bam in a good mood knowing that coach h gets 10 more years. i know most want me to live forever, but i’d only want like 30 years extra so i can sacrifice my time to attend 3 funerals.
@BCClone trying to learn the appropriate swinger etiquette: Exactly how does one start a key party club? Do you have a get together, ply the other couples with alcohol or roofies and then they agree to it? Also, do you hear cries of disappointment from that woman when you pick the keys out.
GTO: I don’t know how to get one started, but my move would be to take all the remaining keys and see how many of the ladies follow me. Worth a shot.
CoachHines3: you can usually find a very nice looking couple(s) on the craigslist who are always willing.. not sure they are able but if they can lay there im game. most women mark their keys in hopes of coach h picking theirs.
Pants: I think the thing with roofies is that they can’t consent. This ain’t the 70s anymore though! There’s clubs specifically for that sort of thing. If you make friends at that club, you could do your own key party afterward with willing participants. That said, if someone cries picking up your keys 1. I think consent just ended and 2. You’ve got a lot of confidence going to one of those parties in the first place. That said, I’m a generous lover, so that would never happen with me.
CoachHines3: trust me he is a generous lover
GTO: that reminds me that someone came to talk to me about some shortage and I thought to myself: “if you got a shortage it was not from me, I always give an overage” Avoided an HR trip by keeping that to myself. Plus, it is also not true. Well, back to work on fixing that shortage.
Pants: After last week’s mailbag, my amazon account started suggesting pocket pussies to me, so I’m anxious to see what this week’s mailbag will do.
@Cyched asks: Will the all star lineup include @bannedman?
CoachHines3: bannedman is just a poor mans coach h. with that being said im just a guest and would enjoy his banter.
Pants: I’m pushing hard to get Bannedman in board.
GTO: we have not started negotiations, but he is on our list of prospective guests. Probably somewhere between CW and BDK. BTW, is bannedman the poster formerly named internetman? Who was he before that?
Pants: I believe he was iamairbhg or whatever it was.
GTO: wasn’t he a Hawkeye? Or am I thinking of antiairbhg?
Pants: One was the Hawk, one was trolling the Hawk. Can’t remember which was which. @bannedman can probably clear it up.
@SCyclone trying to get us moved to the cave: If you could throw a wild-card into the Democratic debates, who would it be?
Pants: I will be running for political office in the fairly near future, but I’m assuming you’re talking about 2020. I’ll go serious though, and say throw in Van Jones. He’s incredibly well spoken, intelligent and leans pretty far left on some things and pretty moderate on others. I think he could add a real value to the conversation. (Though he’s said he’ll never run for office.)
GTO: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
CoachHines3: i dont do politics so for the sake of being funny i am saying myself. and im only there to throw out 1 line insults.
“Stop it bernie, or i will set you on fire”
“This is my crystal ball wait here.. Know what I see.. Old lady.. After the debate.. SHOT TO THE HEAD!!”
“After this debate, alphabetical order, mass murder”
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/
Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-04-2019.253299/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-11-2019.253483/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-12-18-2019.253655/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-01-08-2020.254206/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-01-15-2020.254348/
Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-22-2020
With special guest CoachHines3!
Sponsored by JuicyCloneNutz. JuicyCloneNutz - an explosion of flavor in your mouth!
@CycloneRulzz asks: Damn one just came to me. Why is it we can get a countdown clock for stupid fake tough UCF douches but not our Iowa State teams?
CoachHines3: the closest i come to watchin ufc is watching paige vanzants instagram page. so if i could get a countdown clock for every time she is going to post a new photo that would be great. as for us iowa state fans we just need a countdown clock counting down the time until we need to strap up our nutty cups.
Pants: Is UFC still a thing?
CoachHines3: for a split sec i thought he was asking a question on UCF. they are also stupid and fake tough.
GTO: he did type UCF, but I corrected it to UFC. On second thought, back to UCF.
GTO: Because ESPN+ has got us by the CloneCones. Just wait until they get the countdown clock for the 2020 Tetris World Championships on there. But seriously. WORLD championships is a bit of a stretch. I can’t imagine more than 2 kids in Bhutan are training for that Tetris competition.
@GTO asks: For next week, since I missed cutoff: Would you rather be able to see 5 minutes into your future (but lose a year of your life every time you do it) or gain 10 years of life every time you want (but a random stranger would die every time you get an additional ten years and you have to attend that person's wake/funeral)?
Pants: Honestly, neither. But since I have to pick, the former. I’d just choose to never use it. I’m assuming you still don’t know when you die? So I could be like “man, this is an intense Iowa State game, I’m just going to zip ahead and quick and see if we win” and then immediately die because your death date was within the next year.
GTO: I think a good look at 10-15 minutes into the future at a Vegas casino roulette table would be nice to get rich AF. What’s 2-3 years of life worth? The second scenario would be great if you got a guarantee that it would always be people 80 or older. I’ll go with scenario 1.
CoachHines3: give me the latter. look, if they r a random stranger no harm no foul. ill attend the wake and sign the guest book thanking them for putting 10 years on to my life. that alone will put mr random strangers fam bam in a good mood knowing that coach h gets 10 more years. i know most want me to live forever, but i’d only want like 30 years extra so i can sacrifice my time to attend 3 funerals.
@BCClone trying to learn the appropriate swinger etiquette: Exactly how does one start a key party club? Do you have a get together, ply the other couples with alcohol or roofies and then they agree to it? Also, do you hear cries of disappointment from that woman when you pick the keys out.
GTO: I don’t know how to get one started, but my move would be to take all the remaining keys and see how many of the ladies follow me. Worth a shot.
CoachHines3: you can usually find a very nice looking couple(s) on the craigslist who are always willing.. not sure they are able but if they can lay there im game. most women mark their keys in hopes of coach h picking theirs.
Pants: I think the thing with roofies is that they can’t consent. This ain’t the 70s anymore though! There’s clubs specifically for that sort of thing. If you make friends at that club, you could do your own key party afterward with willing participants. That said, if someone cries picking up your keys 1. I think consent just ended and 2. You’ve got a lot of confidence going to one of those parties in the first place. That said, I’m a generous lover, so that would never happen with me.
CoachHines3: trust me he is a generous lover
GTO: that reminds me that someone came to talk to me about some shortage and I thought to myself: “if you got a shortage it was not from me, I always give an overage” Avoided an HR trip by keeping that to myself. Plus, it is also not true. Well, back to work on fixing that shortage.
Pants: After last week’s mailbag, my amazon account started suggesting pocket pussies to me, so I’m anxious to see what this week’s mailbag will do.
@Cyched asks: Will the all star lineup include @bannedman?
CoachHines3: bannedman is just a poor mans coach h. with that being said im just a guest and would enjoy his banter.
Pants: I’m pushing hard to get Bannedman in board.
GTO: we have not started negotiations, but he is on our list of prospective guests. Probably somewhere between CW and BDK. BTW, is bannedman the poster formerly named internetman? Who was he before that?
Pants: I believe he was iamairbhg or whatever it was.
GTO: wasn’t he a Hawkeye? Or am I thinking of antiairbhg?
Pants: One was the Hawk, one was trolling the Hawk. Can’t remember which was which. @bannedman can probably clear it up.
@SCyclone trying to get us moved to the cave: If you could throw a wild-card into the Democratic debates, who would it be?
Pants: I will be running for political office in the fairly near future, but I’m assuming you’re talking about 2020. I’ll go serious though, and say throw in Van Jones. He’s incredibly well spoken, intelligent and leans pretty far left on some things and pretty moderate on others. I think he could add a real value to the conversation. (Though he’s said he’ll never run for office.)
GTO: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
CoachHines3: i dont do politics so for the sake of being funny i am saying myself. and im only there to throw out 1 line insults.
“Stop it bernie, or i will set you on fire”
“This is my crystal ball wait here.. Know what I see.. Old lady.. After the debate.. SHOT TO THE HEAD!!”
“After this debate, alphabetical order, mass murder”