My favorite Michigan blog is mgoblog and every week they do the write ups on various upcoming opponents. The iowa sections this year have all been gold but since they are playing this week it got a little more attention. Enjoy.
Recap: As a result of a series of decisions I have made in my life — some good, some bad, some incomprehensible — I watched this game. The whole thing. It’s fine, really. I acknowledge my role in this. I place no blame, and I ask for no sympathy.
I don’t know what Iowa football is made of. It’s some bizarre combination of the Saw franchise-style torture porn, distilled Stockholm Syndrome, and whatever metal the One Ring from the Lord of the Rings was made from. One cannot look away, even though one knows this isn’t healthy. But despite its general stupidity and failure to meet even the basic standards of objectively mediocre football, Iowa will, several times per game, do something that will make you sit up and clap like a sea lion offered a mackerel. This game was no different; they score two defensive touchdowns on Rutgers gifts, and doinked in a field goal to hit the historically low Over of 34.5. And I clapped. Oh how I clapped. Mackerel, please.
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The brain is a funny machine. I spent the noon window lamenting the stuck-in-the-mud Michigan offense that only generated 34 offensive points and 463 yards at 7.0 yards per play. I then spent my evening marveling at the efficiency and, dare I say, explosiveness of the Iowa offense. A 42-yard pass play, mostly through the air! A drive featuring plays of 21, 11, and 20 yards in quick succession! Three consecutive drives that covered a combined 204 yards!
Then after the game I looked at the box score: 13 offensive points, 277 yards, 5.0 yards per play.
I fear I have been KirkPilled.
This team is as frightening as: Once more, for old times’ sake.
Fear Level = 5
Michigan should worry about: Great, it’s not Night Kinnick. Night Kinnick FEELS worse. But Day Kinnick is just as evil:
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Iowa is averaging 5.0 yards per target to their wide receivers. And with Keagan Johnson, one of the only two 4-star receivers on Iowa’s roster — missing from the depth chart this week, “Wide Receivers” will continue to mean “Arlan Bruce.” In the SDSU, Iowa State, and Rutgers games combined, Bruce had 21 targets. The rest of the receiving corps had a combined 6.
When they play Michigan: Hnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
This week: vs. Michigan, Big Noon Saturday, FOX (Iowa +10.5)
The Road Ahead
Iowa (3-1, 1-0 B1G)
Last week: Won at Rutgers, 27-10Recap: As a result of a series of decisions I have made in my life — some good, some bad, some incomprehensible — I watched this game. The whole thing. It’s fine, really. I acknowledge my role in this. I place no blame, and I ask for no sympathy.
I don’t know what Iowa football is made of. It’s some bizarre combination of the Saw franchise-style torture porn, distilled Stockholm Syndrome, and whatever metal the One Ring from the Lord of the Rings was made from. One cannot look away, even though one knows this isn’t healthy. But despite its general stupidity and failure to meet even the basic standards of objectively mediocre football, Iowa will, several times per game, do something that will make you sit up and clap like a sea lion offered a mackerel. This game was no different; they score two defensive touchdowns on Rutgers gifts, and doinked in a field goal to hit the historically low Over of 34.5. And I clapped. Oh how I clapped. Mackerel, please.
---------------------------
The brain is a funny machine. I spent the noon window lamenting the stuck-in-the-mud Michigan offense that only generated 34 offensive points and 463 yards at 7.0 yards per play. I then spent my evening marveling at the efficiency and, dare I say, explosiveness of the Iowa offense. A 42-yard pass play, mostly through the air! A drive featuring plays of 21, 11, and 20 yards in quick succession! Three consecutive drives that covered a combined 204 yards!
Then after the game I looked at the box score: 13 offensive points, 277 yards, 5.0 yards per play.
I fear I have been KirkPilled.
This team is as frightening as: Once more, for old times’ sake.
Fear Level = 5
Michigan should worry about: Great, it’s not Night Kinnick. Night Kinnick FEELS worse. But Day Kinnick is just as evil:
Iowa is 5-1 in their last 6 home games against Top 5 teams, and only two of those games were night games. And we get Gus Johnson on the call. And Kirk Ferentz CLEARLY hasn’t used his one “remember and apply the lessons of the last 30 years of collective college football experience” card yet this season.
Michigan can sleep soundly about: Iowa is averaging 5.0 yards per target to their wide receivers. And with Keagan Johnson, one of the only two 4-star receivers on Iowa’s roster — missing from the depth chart this week, “Wide Receivers” will continue to mean “Arlan Bruce.” In the SDSU, Iowa State, and Rutgers games combined, Bruce had 21 targets. The rest of the receiving corps had a combined 6.
When they play Michigan: Hnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
This week: vs. Michigan, Big Noon Saturday, FOX (Iowa +10.5)
