Hey all -- my non-comprehensive collection of amusing/enlightening comments from CF message boards, April-June 2020.
I didn't keep track well in April and early May, so I decided to wait and do a 3-month chunk this time.
Some posts are edited for clarity, brevity, spelling, punctuation or to eliminate double-spacing after a period.
From “Brett McMurphy article on possibilities for 2020 football season”
@Cyclonepride: Get masks. Wear them. Go on with life.
@Acylum: If we make them out of bras, I'm all for it.
From “Get Your Stimulus Check”
@Clonefan32: I keep getting that they “cannot determine my eligibility status based on the information they have.” I imagine that means they don't have my direct deposit?
@JP4CY: It means you're an illegal alien.
***
@BCClone: I still am not stimulated, it appears.
@CloneLawman: That's what you get for getting married.
From “Friday (Night) OT: You’re Quite the Character
@MLawrence: I thought this was a cool test and I was excited to see my results. Then I got Flynn White from “Breaking Bad,” and now I am less excited.
From ***Official 2019-20 Transfer Thread***
(Per Tweet: South Alabama has landed Iowa State transfer Terrence Lewis)
@Doc: They also have Locure.
@CycloneErik: Do they keep him in a bottle or cabinet?
From “Unemployment Payments”
@3TrueFans: I want free money!
@isufbcurt: Are you self-employed or have your own business?
3TrueFans: Is posting on CF a “business”?
@CycloneErik: Please be yes. Please be yes. Please be yes.
From “David DeJulius Thread: What I'm Hearing"
@Statefan10: It was announced he changed his time to tomorrow, but there’s a rumor he might end up announcing today.
@inCyteful: Well this sucks. Now I have to start drinking this morning, with the possibility I’ll have to continue all the way into tomorrow.
@Cyched: I’m not seeing the problem here.
****
@Clonefan32: Julius Power Rankings: 1. Erving 2. Caesar 3. Orange 4. Peppers 5. David De-
From "Jacob Toppin"
@WhoISthis: 6’7” forward. 6th man for URI. Not a great shooter.
@SCyclone: Hey, that pretty much describes me. Except I'm not 6-7. Or a 6th man for anyone. But the rest is accurate.
From “1 or 2 Spaces After a Period?”
@Gonzo: If it's an 8th grade research paper, 2 spaces. If it's something you're writing as a grown-up and don't want to be laughed at behind your back by colleagues, 1 space.
***
@Drew0311: Maybe if I gave the ex more space after her periods, I still would be married.
***
@Stewo: Learned two, but have transitioned to doing both one and two. Sometimes even in the same email. It's been a really dark time for me.
From “Chaundee Brown Final 4 List”
@CyTwins: Any update on Brown?
@peteypie: Please stay on-topic here.
From "Passive-Agressive CF Reactions"
@ImJustKCClone: If someone has a nearly full rack, I will add a missing reaction, just to give them a clean sweep.
@baller21: Gave you a “Like,” because everybody likes a full rack.
From “Justin Smith”
@CyTwins: Justin Smith is a stud. We should be talking about him.
@CycloneErik: If people want to talk about Justin Smith, they should start a thread with his name in the title.
***
@AuH2O: Some of us have post length discipline while others (and I’m not mentioning any names), not so much.
@Sigmapolis: I hear the poster in question is dashingly handsome and devilishly charming.
@Cyclonepride: It is I, the poster in question.
From “Louisville Basketball Hit With Level 1 Allegation”
@aauummm: Louisville’s new motto: "Honor Before Victory.”
@MeanDean: Or maybe, "We put the ‘HO’ in HONOR."
From “Do You Think Niang (et al) got paid…?”
@cyclone4L: I know a situation where Ferentz paid a guy a HUGE sum of money. Someone you wouldn't expect....
@CyTwins: Stanley? DJK? Fant? Epenesa?
cyclone4L: Those are guys you would expect...
CyTwins: Well, Iowa has a lot of bad players, I can't just name them all.
***
@SECyclone: Sure hope the FBI doesn’t see this thread.
@simply1: Sounds like something the FBI would say.
From "A.J. Walker?"
@CoKane: I'm not even sure this kid is alive anymore.
@CycloneVet: Well, cross him off, then.
From “Little Richard Has Died”
@mramseyISU: I saw Little Richard once in Atlanta. This was in 2003 and a 15-passenger van full of us from the ISU paintball team … we were stuck in a traffic jam and there was a limo about 3 car lengths ahead of us. Little Richard pops out of the sun roof and starts waving at everyone. Somebody in the back of the van says, “Hey look it’s Stevie Wonder.” The guy next to him was half asleep and says back, without looking, “You dumbs***, Stevie Wonder can’t drive.”
From “I’m Finding Out I’m Losing My Hair…”
@Macloney: If nose hair was cash, I would be challenging Bezos to become the world's first trillionaire.
From “Grammatical Question”
@Doc: What is the correct plural of penis? I’m in a big argument with my mom right now, via email.
@Cyched: I see the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
@Peter: It’s ‘penises.’ Your mom sounds cool.
From “Bird Hitting Window”
@Sparkplug: I have a kamikaze bird hitting my window. It’s been at it for five hours. Any ideas how to get it to stop?
@1100011CS: Open the window.
***
@Tony Gunk: Must be a hawk.
***
@BryceC: Get a tennis racket and hit it as hard as you can.
@stormchaser2014: How would hitting a tennis racket help?
From “Official 2019-20 Transfer Thread”
(Note: similar quips were made in other threads, but these were first instances I noticed).
@NATEizKING: Saturday Midnight Update: PG Jalen Coleman-Lands; G Both Gach (T-2) ...
@gocubs2118: You added only one Gach.
(later)
@Halincandenza: I’d take Both Gach, or even just one of them.
@Statefan10: I’m so mad I didn’t think of that.
From “Jason Coleman-Lands commits to ISU”
@clonedude: This is where I think Buggs could have helped us ...
@helechopper: Summer is upon us. There will be plenty of bugs to go around.
From “Grant Miniseries”
@cyson: Really looking forward to the three-part “Grant” biopic on History Channel. Highly underrated American general and hero… Should be good.
@Cycsk: Disappointed. Not about Horace Grant!
***
@BoxsterCy: Not bad. I am a pretty big Grant guy. Sherman did get the better tank named after him, though.
From “Big 12 Bowl News”
@MartyFine: (reference to Tweet): Cheez-It Bowl has replaced Camping World Bowl as naming rights sponsor for Orlando bowl.
@JM4CY: So the Phoenix bowl will need a new name/sponsor. Any ideas?
@KnappShack: Camping World Bowl.
From “The Onion: Jesus Christ Transfers to ISU”
---> Only a sampling, full thread here
@Clonefan32: It's a good start. Get a few immediately eligible disciples and we may be onto something.
***
@2ndCyCE: Fantastic get! Although I'm sure some will be ready to crucify him the moment any bumps in the road are encountered...
***
@MeanDean: Are we still in the mix on Mohammed?
@AdRock4Cy: This would be a dominant backcourt. Also, people are saying we have an inside track to signing Buddha to shore up the front court.
***
@UNIclonefan: Apparently, Judas is going to Iowa.
***
@GTO: I'm not ready to crown him savior of our program until I see him play.
From FOT: 'Cause I Prefer to Be By Myself
@Angie: What is your favorite drink? .... My favorite is one I created because I wanted something to match the dress I was wearing at the time, and I'm not even ashamed of that.
***
@BCClone: I've been going hard on Minute Maid Lite, but they stopped making it, so I’ve settled on Gatorade Zero or Powerade Zero grape as my go-to.
@SCyclone: Frickin' lush.
From "OTN: Father Time"
@ImJustKCClone: Sorry about the 40 country songs last night! ... Yikes! I guess I was on a roll...
@drlove: Next week, skip the country songs and just do Western songs.
I didn't keep track well in April and early May, so I decided to wait and do a 3-month chunk this time.
Some posts are edited for clarity, brevity, spelling, punctuation or to eliminate double-spacing after a period.
From “Brett McMurphy article on possibilities for 2020 football season”
@Cyclonepride: Get masks. Wear them. Go on with life.
@Acylum: If we make them out of bras, I'm all for it.
From “Get Your Stimulus Check”
@Clonefan32: I keep getting that they “cannot determine my eligibility status based on the information they have.” I imagine that means they don't have my direct deposit?
@JP4CY: It means you're an illegal alien.
***
@BCClone: I still am not stimulated, it appears.
@CloneLawman: That's what you get for getting married.
From “Friday (Night) OT: You’re Quite the Character
@MLawrence: I thought this was a cool test and I was excited to see my results. Then I got Flynn White from “Breaking Bad,” and now I am less excited.
From ***Official 2019-20 Transfer Thread***
(Per Tweet: South Alabama has landed Iowa State transfer Terrence Lewis)
@Doc: They also have Locure.
@CycloneErik: Do they keep him in a bottle or cabinet?
From “Unemployment Payments”
@3TrueFans: I want free money!
@isufbcurt: Are you self-employed or have your own business?
3TrueFans: Is posting on CF a “business”?
@CycloneErik: Please be yes. Please be yes. Please be yes.
From “David DeJulius Thread: What I'm Hearing"
@Statefan10: It was announced he changed his time to tomorrow, but there’s a rumor he might end up announcing today.
@inCyteful: Well this sucks. Now I have to start drinking this morning, with the possibility I’ll have to continue all the way into tomorrow.
@Cyched: I’m not seeing the problem here.
****
@Clonefan32: Julius Power Rankings: 1. Erving 2. Caesar 3. Orange 4. Peppers 5. David De-
From "Jacob Toppin"
@WhoISthis: 6’7” forward. 6th man for URI. Not a great shooter.
@SCyclone: Hey, that pretty much describes me. Except I'm not 6-7. Or a 6th man for anyone. But the rest is accurate.
From “1 or 2 Spaces After a Period?”
@Gonzo: If it's an 8th grade research paper, 2 spaces. If it's something you're writing as a grown-up and don't want to be laughed at behind your back by colleagues, 1 space.
***
@Drew0311: Maybe if I gave the ex more space after her periods, I still would be married.
***
@Stewo: Learned two, but have transitioned to doing both one and two. Sometimes even in the same email. It's been a really dark time for me.
From “Chaundee Brown Final 4 List”
@CyTwins: Any update on Brown?
@peteypie: Please stay on-topic here.
From "Passive-Agressive CF Reactions"
@ImJustKCClone: If someone has a nearly full rack, I will add a missing reaction, just to give them a clean sweep.
@baller21: Gave you a “Like,” because everybody likes a full rack.
From “Justin Smith”
@CyTwins: Justin Smith is a stud. We should be talking about him.
@CycloneErik: If people want to talk about Justin Smith, they should start a thread with his name in the title.
***
@AuH2O: Some of us have post length discipline while others (and I’m not mentioning any names), not so much.
@Sigmapolis: I hear the poster in question is dashingly handsome and devilishly charming.
@Cyclonepride: It is I, the poster in question.
From “Louisville Basketball Hit With Level 1 Allegation”
@aauummm: Louisville’s new motto: "Honor Before Victory.”
@MeanDean: Or maybe, "We put the ‘HO’ in HONOR."
From “Do You Think Niang (et al) got paid…?”
@cyclone4L: I know a situation where Ferentz paid a guy a HUGE sum of money. Someone you wouldn't expect....
@CyTwins: Stanley? DJK? Fant? Epenesa?
cyclone4L: Those are guys you would expect...
CyTwins: Well, Iowa has a lot of bad players, I can't just name them all.
***
@SECyclone: Sure hope the FBI doesn’t see this thread.
@simply1: Sounds like something the FBI would say.
From "A.J. Walker?"
@CoKane: I'm not even sure this kid is alive anymore.
@CycloneVet: Well, cross him off, then.
From “Little Richard Has Died”
@mramseyISU: I saw Little Richard once in Atlanta. This was in 2003 and a 15-passenger van full of us from the ISU paintball team … we were stuck in a traffic jam and there was a limo about 3 car lengths ahead of us. Little Richard pops out of the sun roof and starts waving at everyone. Somebody in the back of the van says, “Hey look it’s Stevie Wonder.” The guy next to him was half asleep and says back, without looking, “You dumbs***, Stevie Wonder can’t drive.”
From “I’m Finding Out I’m Losing My Hair…”
@Macloney: If nose hair was cash, I would be challenging Bezos to become the world's first trillionaire.
From “Grammatical Question”
@Doc: What is the correct plural of penis? I’m in a big argument with my mom right now, via email.
@Cyched: I see the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
@Peter: It’s ‘penises.’ Your mom sounds cool.
From “Bird Hitting Window”
@Sparkplug: I have a kamikaze bird hitting my window. It’s been at it for five hours. Any ideas how to get it to stop?
@1100011CS: Open the window.
***
@Tony Gunk: Must be a hawk.
***
@BryceC: Get a tennis racket and hit it as hard as you can.
@stormchaser2014: How would hitting a tennis racket help?
From “Official 2019-20 Transfer Thread”
(Note: similar quips were made in other threads, but these were first instances I noticed).
@NATEizKING: Saturday Midnight Update: PG Jalen Coleman-Lands; G Both Gach (T-2) ...
@gocubs2118: You added only one Gach.
(later)
@Halincandenza: I’d take Both Gach, or even just one of them.
@Statefan10: I’m so mad I didn’t think of that.
From “Jason Coleman-Lands commits to ISU”
@clonedude: This is where I think Buggs could have helped us ...
@helechopper: Summer is upon us. There will be plenty of bugs to go around.
From “Grant Miniseries”
@cyson: Really looking forward to the three-part “Grant” biopic on History Channel. Highly underrated American general and hero… Should be good.
@Cycsk: Disappointed. Not about Horace Grant!
***
@BoxsterCy: Not bad. I am a pretty big Grant guy. Sherman did get the better tank named after him, though.
From “Big 12 Bowl News”
@MartyFine: (reference to Tweet): Cheez-It Bowl has replaced Camping World Bowl as naming rights sponsor for Orlando bowl.
@JM4CY: So the Phoenix bowl will need a new name/sponsor. Any ideas?
@KnappShack: Camping World Bowl.
From “The Onion: Jesus Christ Transfers to ISU”
---> Only a sampling, full thread here
@Clonefan32: It's a good start. Get a few immediately eligible disciples and we may be onto something.
***
@2ndCyCE: Fantastic get! Although I'm sure some will be ready to crucify him the moment any bumps in the road are encountered...
***
@MeanDean: Are we still in the mix on Mohammed?
@AdRock4Cy: This would be a dominant backcourt. Also, people are saying we have an inside track to signing Buddha to shore up the front court.
***
@UNIclonefan: Apparently, Judas is going to Iowa.
***
@GTO: I'm not ready to crown him savior of our program until I see him play.
From FOT: 'Cause I Prefer to Be By Myself
@Angie: What is your favorite drink? .... My favorite is one I created because I wanted something to match the dress I was wearing at the time, and I'm not even ashamed of that.
***
@BCClone: I've been going hard on Minute Maid Lite, but they stopped making it, so I’ve settled on Gatorade Zero or Powerade Zero grape as my go-to.
@SCyclone: Frickin' lush.
From "OTN: Father Time"
@ImJustKCClone: Sorry about the 40 country songs last night! ... Yikes! I guess I was on a roll...
@drlove: Next week, skip the country songs and just do Western songs.
