I’m an introvert, do I need help?

[BWRhasnoAC]

The what now?

Dating.

 

[MeanDean]

If I see one more woman on tinder call themselves an extroverted introvert I might lose my mind. You’re just an introvert with friends.

Ain’t nothing wrong with being introverted. I think the poster that said the are you alone or lonely, and if you don’t know that answer, might be time to seek help and figure it out. Social anxiety ain’t fun, even extroverts experience it and I might say it’s tougher for them when they get it.

I am on the extroverted side of things for the most part but have no problem doing things alone but I’m not lonely when I’m doing them. I’m doing what I want to do in that moment and will either strike up a conversation if it’s a more social setting or just enjoy whatever it is I’m doing. I eat out alone a lot because of my work travels and people think it’s nuts.

Is that like being a slutty virgin?

 

[Pope]

All I can say is thank God we have introverts in the work place. Otherwise, nothing would ever get done.

A company can handle only so many extroverts who love to spend their day walking around the office with their coffee cup in hand chatting up their co-workers who are trying desperately to get sh*t done so they can go home before it's dark.

Yeah, I know, that's some serious stereotyping, but it's true.

 

[AllInForISU]

Um whut? I feel anxious sometimes in a group. Depends on what's going on.

I also prefer not to associate with most of my relatives because their religious and political beliefs are in no way related to mine and I am uncomfortable when I am around most of them. I would not choose to be their friend if we were not relatives. That's perfectly normal.

What's more, such discomfort ain't crippling fear. It's just about comfort zones. They're different for everyone.

Cheezus. Dial it down a notch, bruh.

That’s not what he said. I’m literally using his original post as the basis for all of my comments. This isn’t about you.

Word for word quote from the OP:

“Any kind of social gathering of any kind, and I’m just anxious and stressed out and would like to crawl into a hole and disappear. Even family gatherings too when I know everyone.”

That is not situational as you tried to infer, doesn’t have to do with comfort zones if it is any kind of gathering. It is not exclusively introvert. Is the OP an introvert? Likely. Is this also social anxiety? Based on that post? Absolutely. And no anxiety is good or healthy. Being able to manage it is possible, but recognizing it is the first step.

 

[cayin]

Introverts can work a room just as well as anyone. The thing is it it drains them and they need down time from that, time to recharge. Extroverts do not need a recharge after social gatherings because they get energized from it. The challenging thing for introverts is they struggle with small talk, they don't want to talk about the weather or what route someone takes to work. That feels like a darn job to them. But if they find someone that will do a deep dive on an interesting topic for them, look out, they will be very engaging.

 

[madguy30]

Here's something that I never knew until recently about some introverts...Our son (age 21) is an introvert. However, when he's in a public setting with his friends, he is very much an extrovert. When he interacts with others, he is very animated, takes part in the conversations, and is extremely funny. But those interactions take a lot of social energy for him. He can turn on that gear, and then turn it off. After a social event, he requires a fair bit of time to decompress. As parents, we were concerned about the amount of time he spends alone. We were concerned that maybe his time alone was due to depression. But he just needs that extra alone time to decompress.

I think this is the definition of an introvert as I understand it for myself.

We can be as social and lively as anyone out there, we just get our energy from recharging in that alone/decompression time.

Extroverts get their energy from more people.

Introverts imo get tied into being hermits of some sort and maybe there's some truth to that, but it's not total isolation as the only way to operate.

 

[OtownClone]

I’m a big time introvert…. is that okay??

Any kind of social gathering of any kind, and I’m just anxious and stressed out and would like to crawl into a hole and disappear. Even family gatherings too when I know everyone.

But then you see all these studies about how everyone needs social interaction, and being a loner is not healthy at all.

But I’m perfectly happy when I’m alone. I read somewhere that there’s a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. I’m definitely not lonely at all. Thoughts?

1st off, be who you are and don't apologize for it. I have some insight that you may value. You can skip to the end if you want the TLDR version.

I used to think I was an introvert. When I was a kid, I played lots of sports and played with friends all the time. It felt like most of the time I just knew how to act around friends and how to be in social settings. I went through a period of time in elementary school where it was like I forgot how to be around friends for some reason and I lost some friends. I lost confidence. I went into depression and my parents put me in counseling. I ended up figuring out how to get through that, but I ended up in a place where I was more comfortable alone or with small groups. Late in high school and more in college, I decided to push through some of that stuff and put myself out of my comfort zone regularly. Post college, I took on people facing jobs, even though I thought my best skills were in problem solving. This pushed me further outside my comfort zone. I eventually got to a place where I was very comfortable is most social settings. I knew who I was, was able to be effective at small talk, and felt comfortable using my sense of humor to make others comfortable. I had built confidence in myself and my social skills through practice. I ended up getting married and have some good friends. These days I find myself making friends with my kids' friends' parents.

Taking personality tests (Meyers-Briggs for example) I now find that it shows me as an extrovert. This is extremely useful based on what I do. Building a brand, building relationships with others, and confidence in my communication and ability to influence others has helped my career tremendously. It has also helped me be happier and more competent at building friendships as an adult.

The questions I would suggest you ask yourself are, would you be happier if you were more comfortable in social settings? Do you have satisfying relationships in your life? You did not mention if you are dating/married, etc. Would the 85 year old version of you be happy with the choices you made if you maintain the status quo?

In my case, the answer was no, I needed to make a change. Going through the hard things and building my skillset and confidence got me there. I am not perfect and I know it. I let myself make mistakes and do my best not to beat myself up over it. I let my positive intent and positive attitude make up for the moments I lack polish. I try to take on difficult things and overcome them to further build my self-confidence.

I hope this helps and you find the clarity you are looking for!

 

[hoosman]

I am also an introvert. Introverts are not a minority. Employers may prefer introverts in some cases. The brain structure and chemistry are different for introverts. There is a negative correlation between social activity and Alzheimer’s. I am not sure, but bonding with a pet - maybe that is different because they communicate at a much lower level. I especially avoid yelling and arguing- so I go to my basement bunker when my girlfriend is on a rampage.

 

[SolarGarlic]

It seems like introversion is trendy and on the rise. As an extreme extrovert, it's very clear to me that the world is pivoting away from in-person social activity at a dramatic pace and in a way that makes me feel as uncomfortable as introverts do in social settings.

So I kinda get it despite being the literal opposite.

It's "trendy" in the sense that we're more aware of these distinctions instead of just labeling people with negative traits. I always thought these things were dumb, but I'm definitely an extroverted introvert. I need time alone, but I'm also very social in settings where I'm secure.

 

[SolarGarlic]

So it sounds like you are of the opinion that it isn’t good for me, and I should get help, is that right?

The thing for me though is that I’m perfectly happy like this, so should I have to change? Has it been proven it isn’t healthy to be this way??

If you're happy, no need to "change". If you want to be more social, I'd say my original opinion is still valid. Does it affect important relationships in your life?

Going to therapy doesn't mean anything is wrong or that you "need help", it's just a way to better understand yourself.

 

[SolarGarlic]

If I see one more woman on tinder call themselves an extroverted introvert I might lose my mind. You’re just an introvert with friends.

Ain’t nothing wrong with being introverted. I think the poster that said the are you alone or lonely, and if you don’t know that answer, might be time to seek help and figure it out. Social anxiety ain’t fun, even extroverts experience it and I might say it’s tougher for them when they get it.

I am on the extroverted side of things for the most part but have no problem doing things alone but I’m not lonely when I’m doing them. I’m doing what I want to do in that moment and will either strike up a conversation if it’s a more social setting or just enjoy whatever it is I’m doing. I eat out alone a lot because of my work travels and people think it’s nuts.

I used to think it was dumb too, but I think it's accurate. Aren't your examples just two ways of saying the same thing?

 

[AuH2O]

1st off, be who you are and don't apologize for it. I have some insight that you may value. You can skip to the end if you want the TLDR version.

I used to think I was an introvert. When I was a kid, I played lots of sports and played with friends all the time. It felt like most of the time I just knew how to act around friends and how to be in social settings. I went through a period of time in elementary school where it was like I forgot how to be around friends for some reason and I lost some friends. I lost confidence. I went into depression and my parents put me in counseling. I ended up figuring out how to get through that, but I ended up in a place where I was more comfortable alone or with small groups. Late in high school and more in college, I decided to push through some of that stuff and put myself out of my comfort zone regularly. Post college, I took on people facing jobs, even though I thought my best skills were in problem solving. This pushed me further outside my comfort zone. I eventually got to a place where I was very comfortable is most social settings. I knew who I was, was able to be effective at small talk, and felt comfortable using my sense of humor to make others comfortable. I had built confidence in myself and my social skills through practice. I ended up getting married and have some good friends. These days I find myself making friends with my kids' friends' parents.

Taking personality tests (Meyers-Briggs for example) I now find that it shows me as an extrovert. This is extremely useful based on what I do. Building a brand, building relationships with others, and confidence in my communication and ability to influence others has helped my career tremendously. It has also helped me be happier and more competent at building friendships as an adult.

The questions I would suggest you ask yourself are, would you be happier if you were more comfortable in social settings? Do you have satisfying relationships in your life? You did not mention if you are dating/married, etc. Would the 85 year old version of you be happy with the choices you made if you maintain the status quo?

In my case, the answer was no, I needed to make a change. Going through the hard things and building my skillset and confidence got me there. I am not perfect and I know it. I let myself make mistakes and do my best not to beat myself up over it. I let my positive intent and positive attitude make up for the moments I lack polish. I try to take on difficult things and overcome them to further build my self-confidence.

I hope this helps and you find the clarity you are looking for!

This is a helpful story. It goes both ways.

On one hand, it's great that people are recognizing that there really isn't a difference in happiness, effectiveness and ability to develop real relationships between extroverts and introverts. On the other hand, there can be real anxiety and depression problems like you went through that can just be chalked up as introversion.

The point we should all try to understand is that introversion is a completely healthy way for a person and brain to work. What is not healthy is if people are struggling to find meaningful relationships that make them happy. Extroverts absolutely struggle with this, and people confuse someone that is easily social as having lots of friends, but that is not the same thing as having deep, meaningful relationships.

The thing I don't like is people conflating harmful environments and completely unhealthy isolation with people being introverted. More people aren't introverted. More people are isolated due to social media. These are not remotely the same thing.