I can't wait til Matt gathers all the players together tonight and tells them that he couldn't stay here any longer because we couldn't afford to get better players here than they are.
“Thanks for coming guys. As you all know, I’m the best coach ever. That’s what 80% of everyone on that CycloneFanatic message board say, anyway. And they’re right about another thing: the only reason I couldn’t win championships here is because this is a poor university with alumni who would rather save for retirement than pump money into NIL schemes. I mean, who does that?
Anyway, as that message board constantly says, you suckers are the best I could get without having the money to dump on far better players than you could ever be. And PSU has that money so… adios.
(Btw, I’m taking a bunch of you with me, even though you’re pure garbage because not enough people blindly dump money into WeWill).”