True but that's like saying a former heroin addict is more likely to relapse. Same with people who can't keep a marriage.
Who wrote the marital rights laws in Iowa?
- Thread starter deadeyededric
- Start date
Off but on topic:
Have a friend that was married with three younger kids, lived up in MSP. He has a very good job that allowed them to move to Iowa and he just needed to go up twice a month or so for a day. Anyway, they moved back to Iowa to be closer to her family. She ended up cheating on him. He was willing to try to save the marriage but she ultimately wanted a divorce.
During whatever legal proceedings, she claimed he was abusive. Mind you, he is the nicest dude in the world. Her own family stepped in to say that was not true. Judge ends up giving primary custody to her, I think he gets the kids every other weekend, and he lost a ton of money/assets.
Fast forward to current day, she’s with the guy she cheated on him with. She’s pretty much been exiled from the family, he still gets invited to all of their family functions. She is just the worst human being
Have a friend that was married with three younger kids, lived up in MSP. He has a very good job that allowed them to move to Iowa and he just needed to go up twice a month or so for a day. Anyway, they moved back to Iowa to be closer to her family. She ended up cheating on him. He was willing to try to save the marriage but she ultimately wanted a divorce.
During whatever legal proceedings, she claimed he was abusive. Mind you, he is the nicest dude in the world. Her own family stepped in to say that was not true. Judge ends up giving primary custody to her, I think he gets the kids every other weekend, and he lost a ton of money/assets.
Fast forward to current day, she’s with the guy she cheated on him with. She’s pretty much been exiled from the family, he still gets invited to all of their family functions. She is just the worst human being
For everyone ******** about getting taken to the cleaners, it’s called a prenup. Hell you can even get a postnup.
If you can’t have an adult enough conversation about this before you get married you shouldn’t get married and 100% shouldn’t be having kids.
This isn’t hard you’re just making it that way
If you can’t have an adult enough conversation about this before you get married you shouldn’t get married and 100% shouldn’t be having kids.
This isn’t hard you’re just making it that way
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The legal advantages of being married usually outweigh single ones by a huge amount (there's plenty of room to discuss if that should be true in society...I'm generally against any governing or legal recognition of marriage at all) over the long term. What your buddy is experiencing is the short term consequences of divorce.
The key to a successful marriage is to, well, not get divorced.
Lol, ever had a conversation like this? Believe me not everyone is excited about the idea of a pre nup.
Yep have one myself as do the vast majority of my close friends. Two had postnups as they got married during Covid as was kinda a headache.
If you can’t have this kind of conversation with someone you aren’t ready for marriage. Simple as that
Uh no. The laws like this make complete sense, and exist in every state in some regard.
In many marriages, whether it's to decide on where to live or relocate, to run a household, have kids, etc. one spouse or the other sacrifices career progress to varying extents.
In many marriages with "separate finances" they still need to split up bills and expenses. Are those expenses exactly equal? And even if they are, one could be paying for utilities while the other spouse buys the cars in their name and pays the auto loans. So even if they are spending the exact same, one is spending it on things that have retained values and one is spending it on things with zero retained value.
The law exists because when people get married a career sacrifice that impacts earnings and retirement values is a really common thing that is hard to quantify. With separate finances getting expenses exactly 50-50 probably doesn't happen. Having expenses where one person bought things they can turn around and sell upon a divorce while the other spent their money on utilities or food happens.
The law exists because no matter how well people think or claim to be keeping separate and equal finances, they usually aren't, and the laws exist to mitigate these types of problems. For every case where married couples legitimately perfectly execute this split finances approach, there are probably 100 where the kind of monkey business I describe occurs. So yes, the law makes complete and total sense.
And I'm sure your friend will say that he paid 50%, his ex never had to sacrifice career for their marriage, etc. If so, he's the extreme outlier and sometimes laws that make total sense in most cases have exceptions. And in a divorce proceeding if he can demonstrate all these things, he can probably reduce or eliminate any capital gains benefits needing to be shared.
Actually....yes I have. With my wife. Who has the pre-nup very much in her favor.
Did not do a post-nup as our situation changed because we are both contributing to all the things we have made happen. A post-nup would very much favor me but I'm willing to take on the risk because she has contributed significantly to making **** happen even if it wasn't financial.
The number of men I know who had their ex-spouses stay at home and then say the wife was contributing nothing to the household is absolutely mind-blowing. "I was working the long hours and making sure all the bills got paid! She didn’t do anything to help!"
100% this. The conversation sucks. It's awkward and uncomfortable but I actually think it really helped our relationship. It also doesn't have be an overly complicated drawn out thing. Ours is basically 'everything each of us had individually before the marriage remains ours, marital assets split 50/50 and we both waive the right to challenge for alimony'.
Best money I've ever spent on something that I don't foresee myself ever needing to use.
The slough of bachelor parties and open bar weddings for a few summers there were a great time though.
Exactly. There is no better time to do it then when everything is going great and you deeply care for each other. It protects both parties. It also can always be adjusted if both people agree later on as situations change.
If you can’t have that conversation with someone you are about to legally bind yourself to who will have power of attorney, medical proxy and someone who you will possibly be having kids with then you shouldn’t be getting married.
None will. If a bank issues a mortgage note without spousal signature it is void and unenforceable, meaning they could not take the collateral back in the event of non-payment (foreclosure). The only way a mortgage would close without spousal signature is by massive mistake and there will be attorneys involved immediately.
If they have retirement accounts...it is about to get real fun.
Eight pages deep and still no classic CF "Love Isn't Real" citation. 
Disappointing.
Disappointing.
Do you realize what % of first marriages have a prenup in place? Less than 5%. And the majority of those that do are extremely high earners and not average joes. Good news is that % is increasing in recent years as people are starting to protect themselves more.
Yep most people make stupid decisions and that’s part of why the divorce rate is so high.
Totally agree that things are changing as the waves of people who grew up in divorced households have been getting married and making better decisions. Prenup isn’t even expensive to do and there are a bunch of tools in place now to make it even easier.
I think you’re putting a bit too much emphasis on prenups. I know in my state they can be helpful, but mostly for shorter marriages. After that the situation has changed a lot and they aren’t as useful.
I’m more in AuH2O’s camp. I think a lot of the “taken to the cleaner’s” stuff can be because one partner had to put their career more on hold than the other. If I’m a stay-at-home parent or was the primary care giver (so I couldn’t focus as much on my career) I should get a lot more in the divorce because my spouse was making a lot more money while I was doing a lot more unpaid labor.
I went through a divorce and it went as well as one could expect. We both kept it very civil. My ex didn't even want to get an attorney but I got one for myself. When I met my attorney the first question he asked was if having equal custody of my child was important. I said yes and he said I needed to do everything I could to keep her happy and not get into a contested divorce because if that happens the judge will award custody to one parent and it won't be you. Basically fathers have no shot unless there are some serious issues with the mother like drug use. Really crappy position to start negotiating a divorce settlement from but it's the system we have. Fortunately we got along just fine so it wasn't a problem.
Agree to disagree with the first part. If things change too much just like any legal document, a trust, a medical proxy decisions, etc it needs to be adjusted.
The terms make things pretty clear and the process will go significantly easier if it comes to separation. Doesn’t end all pettiness or fighting in the really bad ones but covers the big things
Now this part with the child rights is a bit of an issue with the current system, totally agree there
