Random Thoughts 14: I can see clearly now 2020 edition

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WooBadger18

Well-Known Member
SuperFanatic
Sep 5, 2012
9,646
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On Wisconsin
Friday funny: Cats, Dogs & meds
@bsaltyman & @Sigmapolis you might enjoy this (or at least recognize some of it)

I'm not sure who wrote this but it is funny and I'm sure some of people can relate to it!

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little b**tard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect "mutant cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1) Wrap it in cheese.
We had a dog once where you didn't even need to hide it in food. You just had to drop it on the floor, pretend it was unintentional, and he'd eat it up
 

NWICY

Well-Known Member
Sep 2, 2012
13,586
8,819
113
Made me a bit of shrimp stir fry last nite along with a fresh batch of rice crispy treats for dessert. Wasn't bad wasn't gourmet but not bad.
 
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BCClone

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SuperFanatic
Sep 4, 2011
31,360
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North Iowa
Answered a polling phone call. Odd one, asked my age...it’s good, asked my ethnicity....still good, then asked my likely hood to vote....answered extremely likely.....whoops we have that group full. Are they polling people who won’t vote?
 

WooBadger18

Well-Known Member
SuperFanatic
Sep 5, 2012
9,646
5,733
113
On Wisconsin
Answered a polling phone call. Odd one, asked my age...it’s good, asked my ethnicity....still good, then asked my likely hood to vote....answered extremely likely.....whoops we have that group full. Are they polling people who won’t vote?
Maybe not don't vote, but I could see them wanting to include people that are only likely to vote
 

ImJustKCClone

Ancient Argumentative Ape
SuperFanatic
SuperFanatic T2
Jun 18, 2013
47,911
28,254
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traipsing thru the treetops
Some of you might have noticed my early posting today. For the first time in about 20 years, we had Japanese curry last night...and it was delicious! Then around 5 am I remembered why I haven't had Japanese curry in 20 years. I love the stuff, but it definitely doesn't love me. :(
 

CycloneErik

Well-Known Member
Jan 31, 2008
92,458
30,309
113
Jamerica
rememberingdoria.wordpress.com
Some of you might have noticed my early posting today. For the first time in about 20 years, we had Japanese curry last night...and it was delicious! Then around 5 am I remembered why I haven't had Japanese curry in 20 years. I love the stuff, but it definitely doesn't love me. :(
Some foods have a lot of nerve.
 

jcyclonee

Well-Known Member
Apr 12, 2006
17,050
17,717
113
Minneapolis
Answered a polling phone call. Odd one, asked my age...it’s good, asked my ethnicity....still good, then asked my likely hood to vote....answered extremely likely.....whoops we have that group full. Are they polling people who won’t vote?
Be happy. If that group weren't full, you'd start getting more calls and/or more political mail.

I watched about 2 minutes of the debate last night. Trump talked about something he did that created jobs. Biden talked about how the program created jobs but was bad for the environment. It seemed like there was an actual real life discussion of an important topic from multiple points of view from politicians with true knowledge of the subject.

I turned it off because it seemed like it was more important to play with the puppy.
 

Ms3r4ISU

Well-Known Member
May 7, 2008
5,909
1,981
113
Ames
Answered a polling phone call. Odd one, asked my age...it’s good, asked my ethnicity....still good, then asked my likely hood to vote....answered extremely likely.....whoops we have that group full. Are they polling people who won’t vote?
I did hear about half a sentence on tv last week saying some Trump supporters were no longer answering voter polls, supposedly in an effort to mess with the results. This however, is opposite of what you experienced I think. Who was doing the poll?
 

BCClone

Well-Known Member
SuperFanatic
Sep 4, 2011
31,360
23,337
113
North Iowa
I did hear about half a sentence on tv last week saying some Trump supporters were no longer answering voter polls, supposedly in an effort to mess with the results. This however, is opposite of what you experienced I think. Who was doing the poll?
I get a lot of Ipsos. And honestly I think they’re probably the worst ones when it comes to the Ag sector when I deal with them
 

NWICY

Well-Known Member
Sep 2, 2012
13,586
8,819
113
It would be nice if the Hawks lose tomorrow. It's really irritated me all week that all three local sports channels lead off with "the Hawks are playing" The only reason they are playing is because the B12 and SEC went and played, they didn't want to miss out on the money. We are 3-1 leading the B12 and barely get a mention thank goodness for CF.
 

Ms3r4ISU

Well-Known Member
May 7, 2008
5,909
1,981
113
Ames
Some POS stole my good pickup last night. Making a list of contents. Nice to steal it in middle of harvest with a crap ton of tools and parts in it.
Friend of ours who lives a ways west of you had a bolted down tool chest stolen from a wagon recently. Some tools were passed down from generations. I just hate reading things like this.
 
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