*****Official Father's Day 2019 Dad Joke Thread*****

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by amishclone, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. CYEATHAWK

    CYEATHAWK Well-Known Member

    Aug 26, 2007
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    Name of author for the book "Tracks in the Sand":

    Peter Dragon
     
  2. EnkAMania

    EnkAMania Active Member
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    What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
     
  3. CySmurf

    CySmurf Well-Known Member

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    Kid: I'm bored, there's nothing to do.

    Dad: Read a book about anti-gravity. You won't be able to put it down.
     
  4. CySmurf

    CySmurf Well-Known Member

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    I use to work for a company that makes calenders...
    ...they fired me for taking a day off.
     
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  5. Gomer80

    Gomer80 Active Member

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    Where do one-legged waiters and waitresses work?

    IHOP
     
  6. CySmurf

    CySmurf Well-Known Member

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    My son...singing Bohemian Bohemian Rhapsody in the car...poorly.
    Dad:Who sings this?
    Son: Queen, Dad.
    Dad: Let's keep it that way. ;-)
     
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  7. nfrine

    nfrine Well-Known Member

    Mar 31, 2006
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    Need some Floppy Show jokes here. These were jokes the kids would tell Duane Elliott. I'll start with the alltime favorite.

    Q: What's the biggest can in the world?
    A: Canada

    I'll end with the one that almost caused Duane to faint.

    Q: Why is sex like a snowstorm?
    A: You never know how much you're going to get.

    I am sure some dad set the kid up with that joke. And I am sure some mom probably
    beat the crap out of dad for doing it.
    :D
     
    • Useful Useful x 1
  8. cyowan

    cyowan Active Member
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    As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,












    "You know, one would have been enough."
     
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  9. cyowan

    cyowan Active Member
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    What'd the fish say when it hit the wall?

    Dam
     
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  10. MeanDean

    MeanDean Well-Known Member

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    Why do Eskimos take a bath in Tide?

    'Cause it cold out-tide.
     
  11. Ozclone

    Ozclone Active Member

    Dec 12, 2009
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    Why don't dinosaurs talk?



    Because they're all dead.
     
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  12. AgronAlum

    AgronAlum Well-Known Member

    Jul 12, 2014
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    Kind of related but I laughed way too much at this progressive commercial.

     
  13. Tony Gunk

    Tony Gunk Member

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    #33 Tony Gunk, Jun 15, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
    How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
    Plug its nose.

    How do you keep a bull from charging?
    Take away its credit card.

    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    Unique up on it.

    What's the best way to catch a squirrel?
    Act like a nut.

    What's the best way to catch a fish?
    Have someone throw it to you.

    I'm here all week, folks...
     
  14. shagcarpetjesus

    shagcarpetjesus Well-Known Member

    Apr 18, 2006
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    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?

    Because the p is silent.
     
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  15. mb7299

    mb7299 Well-Known Member

    Mar 15, 2013
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    what do you call cheese thats not yours? Nacho cheese
     
  16. brycy

    brycy Member

    Apr 11, 2006
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    Did you hear about the Indian that drank 10 gallons of tea?

    He drown in his own tea pee.
     
  17. SayMyName

    SayMyName Active Member

    Jan 28, 2017
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    What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?




    Its butt!
     
  18. 80sClone

    80sClone Active Member

    Dec 29, 2014
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    My parrot just died. I'm really upset about it but it's taken a huge load off my shoulders. .
     
  19. cyrocksmypants

    cyrocksmypants Well-Known Member

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    Scientists determined diarrhea is hereditary. Apparently it runs in your jeans.
     
  20. cyrocksmypants

    cyrocksmypants Well-Known Member

    Dec 29, 2008
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    I have a joke about pizza, but it’s really cheesy.
     

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