A man walks up and says haven't we met before?
Say yes, I'm Kathy, the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
Say yes, I'm Kathy, the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
jokes
- Thread starter gocy444
- Start date
Etiquette and Behavior:
EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) - Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary
General Electives:
GE101: You, The Whining Sex
GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
Home Economics:
HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce
Life Skills:
LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
LS113: How To Parallel Park
Sex Education:
SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit
EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) - Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary
General Electives:
GE101: You, The Whining Sex
GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
Home Economics:
HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce
Life Skills:
LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
LS113: How To Parallel Park
Sex Education:
SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit
Ok I will get nailed for this...........
What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!
Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman
Walking the dog is relaxing.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank {censored} for that i thought i had gone deaf!"
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a *****?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the ***** cook in the dark!
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!
Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman
Whats the difference between your wife and your dog? Walking the dog is relaxing.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank {censored} for that i thought i had gone deaf!"
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why dont women have a *****?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.
Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the ***** cook in the dark!
Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.
How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.
How do you get a woman dizzy?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.
A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
I can't forget this gem either:
Two boys are playing football at a park in Ames, Iowa, when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.
A sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy, "I'll title it 'Young Cyclone Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".
"But I'm not a Cyclone fan." the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we're in Ames, Iowa, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Hawkeye Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"
"I'm not a Hawkeye fan either, " the boy says.
"Oh, I thought everyone in Iowa was either for the Cyclones or the Hawkeyes. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm a Nebraska Huskers fan," the boy replies. "They're the best."
The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little ******* From Nebraska Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Two boys are playing football at a park in Ames, Iowa, when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes a stick and shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, thus saving his friend.
A sports reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. He tells the boy, "I'll title it 'Young Cyclone Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal'".
"But I'm not a Cyclone fan." the little hero replies.
"Sorry, since we're in Ames, Iowa, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts writing again. He asks "How does 'Hawkeye Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack' sound?"
"I'm not a Hawkeye fan either, " the boy says.
"Oh, I thought everyone in Iowa was either for the Cyclones or the Hawkeyes. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm a Nebraska Huskers fan," the boy replies. "They're the best."
The reporter smiles, starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little ******* From Nebraska Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Not at all. Along the same lines:
Rihanna kissed a girl and she liked it... apparently her boyfriend did mind it.
I failed to research my joke for accuracy. I really don't care, either. This isn't school.
Are you counting farm animals too?
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a Toaster?
A toaster makes toast. Michael Jackson f***s little boys.
A toaster makes toast. Michael Jackson f***s little boys.
I'm so offended that I am going to report you to the proper authorities. I hope you enjoy getting banned, you misogynistic bastard.
No, I'm not kidding. The post has already been flagged. I'm just warning you.your kinding right because you forgot the.
Oh man, this is rich.
