Guesses on what this young man did

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

Once upon a time I got banned from a bar in Des Moines because I drunkenly tried to sneak a cardboard cutout of a Tecate bottle out past the bouncers. It was about 4 1/2 feet tall and I attempted to stick it down the back of my pants, fooling absolutely nobody. I remember attempting to appear nonchalant as I limped slowly towards the door where the waiting bouncers, who had watched me the entire time, quickly separated me from my ill gotten gains and booted me out onto the grass, with the express instructions never to return to the establishment.

 

[Mr Janny]

Another time, I was at a Main Street bar in Ames. By the front of the bar was this long, waist high, decorative planter full of fake flowers. I was standing next to it for most of the evening. At one point, I reached down into the planter and felt an undefined, fist sized object with weird bumps on it. I didn't know what it was. It was too deep in the planter to be able to see it through the fake plants, but it was well secured to the bottom. Over the next two hours, as I got drunker and drunker, I worked on removing this unknown object. I got one end loosened up, but the other end wouldn't budge. By this time, I was overwhelmed with curiosity. My friends kept asking me what I was doing. I was determined to find out what it was. Suddenly, around last call, it finally gave way. I cried out in triumph as I pulled out a little fiberglass rock, upon which sat a little fiberglass toad, wearing little fiberglass overalls, and playing a little fiberglass banjo. The rock had been mounted with 3 screws, that each had been driven approximately half an inch into the bottom of the planter.

So excited was I to claim my valuable prize, that I immediately assumed the bar employees would try to take it from me. Thinking quickly, I made a beeline for the back door, figuring the alley behind the bar would be my best escape route. In my haste, I was not looking where I was going, instead trying to spy any staff members who might try to stop me. My inattentiveness led to me falling off of the loading dock behind the bar, and damn near puncturing my lung on one of the screws on the "rock" I had worked so hard to attain.
It was a small price to pay for my trophy, which I pridefully displayed for years until my wife decided it was junk and threw it away.

 

[cyclonespiker33]

Another time, I was at a Main Street bar in Ames. By the front of the bar was this long, waist high, decorative planter full of fake flowers. I was standing next to it for most of the evening. At one point, I reached down into the planter and felt an undefined, fist sized object with weird bumps on it. I didn't know what it was. It was too deep in the planter to be able to see it through the fake plants, but it was well secured to the bottom. Over the next two hours, as I got drunker and drunker, I worked on removing this unknown object. I got one end loosened up, but the other end wouldn't budge. By this time, I was overwhelmed with curiosity. My friends kept asking me what I was doing. I was determined to find out what it was. Suddenly, around last call, it finally gave way. I cried out in triumph as I pulled out a little fiberglass rock, upon which sat a little fiberglass toad, wearing little fiberglass overalls, and playing a little fiberglass banjo. The rock had been mounted with 3 screws, that each had been driven approximately half an inch into the bottom of the planter.

So excited was I to claim my valuable prize, that I immediately assumed the bar employees would try to take it from me. Thinking quickly, I made a beeline for the back door, figuring the alley behind the bar would be my best escape route. In my haste, I was not looking where I was going, instead trying to spy any staff members who might try to stop me. My inattentiveness led to me falling off of the loading dock behind the bar, and damn near puncturing my lung on one of the screws on the "rock" I had worked so hard to attain.
It was a small price to pay for my trophy, which I pridefully displayed for years until my wife decided it was junk and threw it away.

Grounds for divorce

 

[Rural]

Damn, dumb **** I did while drunk stories will be the end of me.

 

[jmb]

Another time, I was at a Main Street bar in Ames. By the front of the bar was this long, waist high, decorative planter full of fake flowers. I was standing next to it for most of the evening. At one point, I reached down into the planter and felt an undefined, fist sized object with weird bumps on it. I didn't know what it was. It was too deep in the planter to be able to see it through the fake plants, but it was well secured to the bottom. Over the next two hours, as I got drunker and drunker, I worked on removing this unknown object. I got one end loosened up, but the other end wouldn't budge. By this time, I was overwhelmed with curiosity. My friends kept asking me what I was doing. I was determined to find out what it was. Suddenly, around last call, it finally gave way. I cried out in triumph as I pulled out a little fiberglass rock, upon which sat a little fiberglass toad, wearing little fiberglass overalls, and playing a little fiberglass banjo. The rock had been mounted with 3 screws, that each had been driven approximately half an inch into the bottom of the planter.

So excited was I to claim my valuable prize, that I immediately assumed the bar employees would try to take it from me. Thinking quickly, I made a beeline for the back door, figuring the alley behind the bar would be my best escape route. In my haste, I was not looking where I was going, instead trying to spy any staff members who might try to stop me. My inattentiveness led to me falling off of the loading dock behind the bar, and damn near puncturing my lung on one of the screws on the "rock" I had worked so hard to attain.
It was a small price to pay for my trophy, which I pridefully displayed for years until my wife decided it was junk and threw it away.

At People's a buddy stole the guitar peddle, set list, guitar sticks(yeah he was that drunk and called them that), some other stuff from a band we really liked. We were so pissed at him for stealing the stuff the next day when he told us we iced him out of stuff for a good while after that. You don't steal from the band.

 

[Bewilderme]

I heard he stapled a raccoon to a stop light

 

[Clonehomer]

I heard he stapled a raccoon to a stop light

That's a dangerous game.

 

[VeloClone]

I went with some friends to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when it came out in the theater. There was only us and one other couple in the entire theater so of course we smuggled in quite a bit of beer. After the movie we were feeling no pain as we left. One of my friends said she really wanted the movie poster in the lobby so I pulled it off the wall - frame and all. I fully expected to get busted carrying out a full size framed movie poster but nobody challenged me and I made out of there with the prize for my friend. I wonder if after several moves over the years she still has that poster.

 

[ruflosn]

I went with some friends to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when it came out in the theater. There was only us and one other couple in the entire theater so of course we smuggled in quite a bit of beer. After the movie we were feeling no pain as we left. One of my friends said she really wanted the movie poster in the lobby so I pulled it off the wall - frame and all. I fully expected to get busted carrying out a full size framed movie poster but nobody challenged me and I made out of there with the prize for my friend. I wonder if after several moves over the years she still has that poster.

There should be a lot more to this story.

 

[JM4CY]

Once upon a time I got banned from a bar in Des Moines because I drunkenly tried to sneak a cardboard cutout of a Tecate bottle out past the bouncers. It was about 4 1/2 feet tall and I attempted to stick it down the back of my pants, fooling absolutely nobody. I remember attempting to appear nonchalant as I limped slowly towards the door where the waiting bouncers, who had watched me the entire time, quickly separated me from my ill gotten gains and booted me out onto the grass, with the express instructions never to return to the establishment.

I have a great story similar to this but involving Wells Fargo arena, a large container of mustard, a blinking lighted hat, a poorly placed napkin and woman missing several teeth. I didn’t get kicked out of there forever but I’m glad I wasn’t arrested.

 

[NorthCyd]

I went with some friends to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when it came out in the theater. There was only us and one other couple in the entire theater so of course we smuggled in quite a bit of beer. After the movie we were feeling no pain as we left. One of my friends said she really wanted the movie poster in the lobby so I pulled it off the wall - frame and all. I fully expected to get busted carrying out a full size framed movie poster but nobody challenged me and I made out of there with the prize for my friend. I wonder if after several moves over the years she still has that poster.

Did you get any for your efforts?

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Once upon a time I got banned from a bar in Des Moines because I drunkenly tried to sneak a cardboard cutout of a Tecate bottle out past the bouncers. It was about 4 1/2 feet tall and I attempted to stick it down the back of my pants, fooling absolutely nobody. I remember attempting to appear nonchalant as I limped slowly towards the door where the waiting bouncers, who had watched me the entire time, quickly separated me from my ill gotten gains and booted me out onto the grass, with the express instructions never to return to the establishment.

I once got banned from a bar for getting drunk and going behind the bar to make my own drinks.

Started banging one of the waitresses though and she begged them to let me come back in; so who won, *******?

 

[JM4CY]

I once got banned from a bar for getting drunk and going behind the bar to make my own drinks.

Started banging one of the waitresses though and she begged them to let me come back in; so who won, *******?

#honorbeforevictory

 

[cyrocksmypants]

#honorbeforevictory

I always win. One way or another.

 

[dosry5]

I once got banned from a bar for getting drunk and going behind the bar to make my own drinks.

Started banging one of the waitresses though and she begged them to let me come back in; so who won, *******?

Not the waitress!

 

[JM4CY]

I always win. One way or another.

Honestly, there’s no way she was above a 5.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Honestly, there’s no way she was above a 5.

I would say about a 7? I usually reach up about 2-3 points from myself, and I’m a 5.

 

[JM4CY]

I would say about a 7? I usually reach up about 2-3 points from myself, and I’m a 5.

I can respect that.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

I can respect that.

Honestly, probably more like a 6.5-6.8. I think I’m letting her gigantic rack cloud my judgement.

 

[abd4cy]

The best story I have of my buddies and I drunkenly taking something happened in Iowa City after the CyHawk game. We had just lost and decided to grab a sandwich at Jimmy Johns. While in line we decided to remove a glass pane from the counter. One of the ones that has the Jimmy Johns logos in in. Since we were drunk we thought this was the best way to get back at them after the loss. We somehow managed to remove it and carry it all the way back to where we were staying. Didn't try and hide it, just walked out. That piece of glass was proudly displayed in our living room for the rest of college.