Friday OT #1 - Caught In a Bad Romance

Cyched

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I have told mine before here so won’t get into too many gory details. First date, guy insists on paying for my $3.99 meal. (It was the early 80’s in a bar and grill joint). Then insists that entitles him to whatever he wants. I had gone to the restaurant on the subway and told him I was leaving alone. He followed me and punched me several times and had a knife, but the screams were enough for bar bouncers to come save my life.

Never let a co-worker line you up with his girlfriend’s great guy of a brother who has “hard luck” dating. Not sure how much hard time he did, took a plea bargain.

I’m glad you’re okay. Scary stuff.
 
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cyhiphopp

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I met a girl online and went to dinner with her, but she was so shy she hardly spoke. I tried to open her up by asking questions but she would respond with one word answers and did nothing to hold her end of the conversation. I'm not personally great at driving a conversation and am a bit introverted myself, but she was introverted to the max. I felt like a jerk but I decided to just finish dinner (which wasn't hard since we didn't waste any time talking), pay the check and get out.

Reminds me of a girl I saw in college. I had a new dorm roomate that year and we met these two girls who were best friends. After a short while of getting to know them he tactfully let me know that he really liked one of them. I was cool with that because the other one was super attractive. Probably the hottest girl I've ever dated. We all hung out a few times and then one weekend we all went to a party together. We danced and drank and had a lot of fun. Afterward we paired up and were making out. Everything was going great.
A weekend or so later, I ask her if she wants to go out to eat. A real date. My roomate and the girl he liked were really getting along great and I was excited that it was looking good with this girl.
Well we go out to eat and she just... didn't talk. I had to pry everything out of her. I'm a little awkward sometimes but I felt like I was annoying her by having to carry the conversation. I knew she was in the equestrian club so I tried to get her talking about horses. She talked for a few minutes and then nothing. It was like talking to a rock.
I tried real hard, mostly because she was gorgeous, but it just wasn't working. She knew it to and we broke it off. Felt like a missed opportunity, but our personalities just didn't work together even though we had fun getting drunk and hanging out together.
Sad part is, she ended up dating some frat douche and getting assaulted by him. Really messed her up and rightfully so. I felt terrible about it and tried to be a friend. Just sad.
Her best friend and my roommate ended up dating that whole year, even through the summer to the next school year. Then my roommate moved into the frat he pledged the previous year and dumped her. I don't know if that's a frat requirement or what.
 
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20eyes

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I have told mine before here so won’t get into too many gory details. First date, guy insists on paying for my $3.99 meal. (It was the early 80’s in a bar and grill joint). Then insists that entitles him to whatever he wants. I had gone to the restaurant on the subway and told him I was leaving alone. He followed me and punched me several times and had a knife, but the screams were enough for bar bouncers to come save my life.

Never let a co-worker line you up with his girlfriend’s great guy of a brother who has “hard luck” dating. Not sure how much hard time he did, took a plea bargain.
Christ Almighty, I'm sorry this happened to you.
 
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Cyched

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I had a coworker who was very nice, great guy, just not my type. A mutual really good friend wore me down and convinced me to go out with the coworker once.

We went to dinner - I insisted on paying for myself, as I didn't want to send any signals. We then sat for an hour while he was almost silent, other than one-word answers I pried out of him. I'm not great at super-awkward silences, so I prattled on and joked about whatever, then faked a call from my parents and left. I felt terrible, as I know he was super-shy and a great guy - but it just made it really strange and I don't deal with awkwardness well AT ALL.

Reading this and carver’s story brings up another point: your thoughts on the guy paying for dinner?

I know times have changed, but I usually insist on paying unless the girl is adamant about it. Some really appreciate it, some don’t want you to. To me it just seems polite and I don’t expect anything from it (especially on a first date).
 
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carvers4math

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I know a guy who scored single digits. I randomly guessed on a practice test once for math and got an 18.

One of our most moronic high school teachers home schooled his own kids, well his wife did anyway. They still were on school sports teams and the oldest one was bragging that the home school thing must have worked out cause he got an 18 on the ACT.

Took all I had to resist the urge to tell him my oldest got a 29 when he took it in 7th grade through the Belin Blank Center. I think it was even fall of 7th grade.
 

BCClone

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Not exactly sure.
Reading this and carver’s story brings up another point: your thoughts on the guy paying for dinner?

I know times have changed, but I usually insist on paying unless the girl is adamant about it. Some really appreciate it, some don’t want you to. To me it just seems polite and I don’t expect anything from it (especially on a first date).
Always paid, but I’m totally down with dutch, or better yet they can pay for my meals for a few years to balance things out.
 

randomfan44

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I went out to a club with a coworker on a date and her ex-boyfriend was also there. He screamed obscenities at us in the club, including all of the sex stuff that she liked to do. Then he attempted to pick a fight with me in the parking lot as we left but he was so drunk I easily steered him away from us and towards the bouncers at the door.

We get back to her place and began enjoying some time together and then the drunk ex-boyfriend shows up and starts banging on her door threatening that he had a gun, which she confirmed. Turns out he lived in the same apartment complex. So I got dressed, called the cops and spent the rest of the evening awake on her couch trying to decide when would be the least awkward time for me to get the bleep out of there. She was fun but no one is fun enough to deal with that.
 
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cyhiphopp

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I was starting to maybe a date a girl who went to DMACC when I was at ISU. She knew my brother's GF, who once she found out I was interested in this girl, told me that said girl was going to DMACC because she got a 12 on the ACT.

A chicken pecking at random got a 14 on the ACT. She was literally dumber than a chicken.

I had to bail at that point.

Might be easy to convince her that you're really cool though. But yeah dating someone who is... not bright can be a challenge.
 
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cydsho

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No real weird or scary ones but went on a blind date after talking on the phone several times. Talking went really well but on the date she just opened up about all the psychological issues she had. Not really bad or dangerous ones but enough to know I was not the guy for her. I have a feeling it hurt her when I thought we weren't date compatible but that was just too much for me in my mid 20s.
 
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carvers4math

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Reading this and carver’s story brings up another point: your thoughts on the guy paying for dinner?

I know times have changed, but I usually insist on paying unless the girl is adamant about it. Some really appreciate it, some don’t want you to. To me it just seems polite and I don’t expect anything from it (especially on a first date).

I was working the summer in DC on an internship and had a dollar a day food budget. (Went to all the free lobbyist meals lol). But I wanted to pay my own cause I didn’t really know the guy other than a couple of phone calls.

I usually just offered to go Dutch back in the 70’s and 80’s. That’s what I did then and I guess I should have been more wary that he was so insistent on paying as he seemed to think that by doing so he had made me the cheapest hooker ever.

Husband and I started dating in grad school and both poor so we always went Dutch.

If I was dating now, I would insist on paying my own. I do advise my sons to offer to pay for both if they actually did the asking on the date. If I had daughters I would tell them to insist on paying their own, and to offer to pay for the guy if they did the asking.
 

BCClone

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Not exactly sure.
One of our most moronic high school teachers home schooled his own kids, well his wife did anyway. They still were on school sports teams and the oldest one was bragging that the home school thing must have worked out cause he got an 18 on the ACT.

Took all I had to resist the urge to tell him my oldest got a 29 when he took it in 7th grade through the Belin Blank Center. I think it was even fall of 7th grade.
Way to make all of us feel bad.
 
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Cyinthenorth

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Reading this and carver’s story brings up another point: your thoughts on the guy paying for dinner?

I know times have changed, but I usually insist on paying unless the girl is adamant about it. Some really appreciate it, some don’t want you to. To me it just seems polite and I don’t expect anything from it (especially on a first date).
Yeah I am in this boat also. I was just raised right I guess to pay for the date because it the gentleman thing to do. No strings attached, just common courtesy. As a male I guess I've never considered it from the womans perspective of maybe this guy is just trying to get something out of it.

My wife is currently out-earning me, so she has been returning the favor from our dating years :D
 
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cyclonespiker33

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This is not my story, but a friends.

My group of friends meets 3 girls (Let's call them D, H, and K) that are all friends because they played with us on an intramural softball team. My buddy hits it off with one of these girls (H).

Well one night we're out with the other two girls from the group (D and K). K is tiny and thus gets drunk from about 4 beers. My friend is one of the nicest guys out there. He walks K back to her apartment about a half mile away to make sure she gets home safe. He walks her in, she goes to the bathroom, comes out without pants on, and my friend is like "okay see you later".

This whole thing causes a giant blowback for my friend, because H and K are roommates. K doesn't remember anything except for waking up in H's bed without pants on and being walked home by my friend.

So H doesn't know anything about what really happens but assumes the worst in my friend despite him just being a nice dude. Things ended between them.
 

20eyes

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Yeah I am in this boat also. I was just raised right I guess to pay for the date because it the gentleman thing to do. No strings attached, just common courtesy. As a male I guess I've never considered it from the womans perspective of maybe this guy is just trying to get something out of it.

My wife is currently out-earning me, so she has been returning the favor from our dating years :D

Yeah but isn't "getting something out of it" implied? And for women too? I'm not trying to find another drinking buddy, I've got a bunch of great ones. It just seems so silly to me, it's a common courtesy to pay and so not a big deal. To me it's exactly the same thing as opening a door.
 
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Angie

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I have told mine before here so won’t get into too many gory details. First date, guy insists on paying for my $3.99 meal. (It was the early 80’s in a bar and grill joint). Then insists that entitles him to whatever he wants. I had gone to the restaurant on the subway and told him I was leaving alone. He followed me and punched me several times and had a knife, but the screams were enough for bar bouncers to come save my life.

Never let a co-worker line you up with his girlfriend’s great guy of a brother who has “hard luck” dating. Not sure how much hard time he did, took a plea bargain.

This ENRAGES me. I am so sorry - I am so glad you escaped the "even worse" that he was probably trying to do. :(
 

Angie

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Reading this and carver’s story brings up another point: your thoughts on the guy paying for dinner?

I know times have changed, but I usually insist on paying unless the girl is adamant about it. Some really appreciate it, some don’t want you to. To me it just seems polite and I don’t expect anything from it (especially on a first date).

So, I was always a little wary. I don't think most men pay on the first date expecting to get laid the first date, but I also didn't want to set any weird expectations. There were several times when I paid for the first dinner, or for movie or drinks or whatever after, just to make it equitable and fair (I'm more than a bit of a feminist). However, I do think it's very sweet if it's really a genuine gesture, so if I really felt like it was a person who actually liked me as a person and wanted to be nice, I was always very grateful, and again would try to offer for drinks or something after.


I was starting to maybe a date a girl who went to DMACC when I was at ISU. She knew my brother's GF, who once she found out I was interested in this girl, told me that said girl was going to DMACC because she got a 12 on the ACT.

A chicken pecking at random got a 14 on the ACT. She was literally dumber than a chicken.

I had to bail at that point.

I am friends with a brilliant guy who only dates/marries women far dumber than him. I don't know why, and I don't get it - I can't imagine being in a relationship long-term with someone dumb. What do you talk about? Especially if you're together for years, I don't understand? I had a couple of casual relationships with guys who were fairly dumb but hot, but that was 100% short-term.

Also, I had a girl in my class who got a 12, and I always assumed she spelled her name wrong on the test.
 

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