For Pet (cat & dog) Owners . . . funny

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by CyValley, Mar 19, 2017.

  1. CyValley

    CyValley Well-Known Member

    Feb 29, 2008
    2,466
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    Don't know where I got this from online, it was a number of years ago. Stumbled across it today. Thought some of you here might enjoy it.

    --------------------------------------------

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

    Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.)
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

    (1) eat less,
    (2) don't ask for money all the time,
    (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called,
    (5) never ask to drive the car,
    (6) don't hang out with drug users,
    (7) don't smoke or drink,
    (8) don't want to wear your clothes,
    (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
    (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
    (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children . . .
     
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  2. cstrunk

    cstrunk Well-Known Member

    Mar 21, 2006
    11,780
    405
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    Environmental Intern/Graduate Student
    Tyler, TX
    Thanks for the laughs.
     
  3. ImJustKCClone

    ImJustKCClone Well-Known Member

    Jun 18, 2013
    29,076
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    Professional Pongid Pundit
    traipsing thru the treetops
    Anything in those rules about keyboard etiquette?




    Milo keyboard resized.jpg Mel resized.jpg
     
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  4. bringmagicback

    bringmagicback Well-Known Member

    Dec 3, 2009
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    Marketing
    CF Resident Dog Lover
    i cant believe letting a cat or dog in your bed is an actual thing that people do.
     
  5. wxman1

    wxman1 Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2008
    8,969
    660
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    Cedar Rapids
    Lets be honest. It is their bed and we just rent space nightly.
     
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  6. Cyfan1965

    Cyfan1965 Member

    Nov 9, 2016
    71
    18
    8
    Male
    Iowa
    image.jpeg
     
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