For several days now I have tried to reconcile in my head the things I witnessed, experienced, and smelled. In many ways, I have struggled to accept and deal with the memories of those 24 hours. I was at the game Saturday. Through the tailgate and game, I constantly wondered if people knew or were judging me for what happened. Eventually though, you have to deal with life, and move forward.
Some back information. The day before wing ingestion, I was playing basketball and took a knee to my mid thigh, making my left leg quite weak. Also, I had forgot to fix the toilet seat in the bathroom (in the basement) that the wife makes me use when I am going to have a blow out.
So Wednesday afternoon my gut started in. I was expecting the eruption, and the wife, who also works from home, banished me to the basement. Things escalated pretty quickly, so I went running downstairs. It was kinda one of those where you start releasing the cargo before you are completely secure in the docking station. On my way down, my left leg buckled a little bit, causing my left butt cheek to hit the seat first, which caused the seat, which I hadn't fixed, to shift all the way to the right, all while I was in mid explosion. I hit my head pretty good, but the worst part was that as my right cheek lifted, I pretty well covered the right side of the toilet, including the seat with processed chicken wings, ice cream, and waffle fries. Clean up involved a whole roll of TP, disinfecting wipes, and a shop vac. I never told the wife, mostly because her main responses would be, 'I told you to fix that toilet' and 'you are too old to be playing basketball'.
So there you go. If there is a moral to the story, never procrastinate on a loose toilet seat.