Dating in general is hard. I've had a lot more success online than I have with people setting me up though. For whatever reason people like to play matchmaker. Nobody is good at it.
Online dating experience/advice
- Thread starter BWRhasnoAC
- Start date
Oh man, I'm no help here I suspect. Met spouse early through common interests and never had to experience much of the dating world. I know some women who've liked (and now married with baby) via bumble or something like that. Where the woman controlled contact. Fewer creepers that way it sounds like. Bit would also 2nd the suggestions of getting out and doing things you enjoy.
Yes! Go do things you enjoy doing and you will end up meeting people doing the same. Then you can do them together and it’s great.
Let me guess. You're single, right?
Married 8 years this July. Suffered a lot of dry spells in my 20s.
Met my wife at a wife-swapping party. Trust me to arrive late...
(probably lost on the non - Monty Python Generation)
(probably lost on the non - Monty Python Generation)
True story
My best friend and I both met our wives by playing a game at the bar called “Sorry about My Friend.” One of you gets black out drunk and is sent over to a table of girls with a handful of pick-up lines. The half sober friend swoops in and apologizes for the drunk friend and offers to buy drinks. Looking back, it only worked 2 out of 100 or so times...
My best friend and I both met our wives by playing a game at the bar called “Sorry about My Friend.” One of you gets black out drunk and is sent over to a table of girls with a handful of pick-up lines. The half sober friend swoops in and apologizes for the drunk friend and offers to buy drinks. Looking back, it only worked 2 out of 100 or so times...
Not quite that level in the online deal but I think many have been in that type of relationship or situation which is just not healthy.
It's been 10 years since I've been in the dating scene but Match seemed like a total scam.
I remember you could create a free profile, then you'd start getting messages from girls. You'd try to read them and all of a sudden you had to subscribe to the "premium service". So then once your a premium member you'd respond to the messages and get 0 replies or the profiles would be fake or completely gone off the system.
Yeah, 40 girls actually messged me in the first place and now when I've paid 30 bucks not one of them responds to my messages now. Seems completely legit.
I remember you could create a free profile, then you'd start getting messages from girls. You'd try to read them and all of a sudden you had to subscribe to the "premium service". So then once your a premium member you'd respond to the messages and get 0 replies or the profiles would be fake or completely gone off the system.
Yeah, 40 girls actually messged me in the first place and now when I've paid 30 bucks not one of them responds to my messages now. Seems completely legit.
A little more personal experience, specifically with dating apps, since I didn't get a chance to go into detail yesterday.
And I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who wants a serious relationship and not just looking to bang one out. That's what Tinder and those types of apps are for.
Pay apps generally have a little more serious clientele. They are paying for the app too so they are going to take it more seriously. I think the "talent" on the pay apps are usually a little better too.
There are free apps too, and I met my wife on one of those so they aren't to be ignored. Just know there's going to be some more random encounters on there because it's free and anyone can put whatever they want on there basically since they aren't spending any money on it.
With all of these apps you get what you put into it. And in the words of CMC, "Trust the Process." By that I mean, put some effort into your profile. The ice breaker is always the picture. Do your best to make it flattering and work with what you've got. When you've got a picture that makes you look good, the next step is to fill out the details. Yes it's boring, but I think girls especially want to know at least a little about you before they will answer your message or reach out to you. Being a supermodel helps, but if you are more average a well written profile is more important. Tell them about yourself and try to get some of your personality across, but don't overdo it either. Sarcasm doesn't translate either. You need to be honest, but keep it positive about yourself. If you don't want kids, don't flat out lie and say you love them. Read and reread it to make sure you have good spelling and grammar. If you sound like an idiot, it can hurt your chances.
Now, the search begins. You're going to automatically be drawn to the hottest girls on the app. The problem is, every other guy is too. Those girls get so many messages that they probably don't even read them all, if any of them. They're more likely to just look for guys they like and reach out to them I think. Or they are fake profiles made to catfish you. If it looks like a professional model photo it's probably too good to be true.
In my personal experience it's best to look for girls who look natural and real. If you can tell the woman has 10 lbs of makeup on, it might be a red flag. Try to find the positive features about each girl, don't be superficial and pass on anyone who doesn't seem perfect. It really is a numbers game. If you are too picky, you will rarely get many replies unless you're very attractive.
One thing to keep in mind, if you are divorced/older and returning to the dating pool, what age range are you comfortable with. Be honest with yourself. That 22 year old may be hot as hell, but if you're 35 and have nothing in common, it might be hard to make it work. I was 33/34 when I started dating again. I went out with a few girls in their early to mid 20s. Some were fun but going to a dance club isn't really up my alley. Maybe it is for you though. My current wife is 7 years younger than me, but she had a steady job and is probably more mature than I am still, so it was a good match. Figure out what you want and what you actually need in a partner. Don't be afraid to date a girl who is a few years older than you. Some of those girls are over the petty ******** and actually want a real man, not a boy. Know if you are ok dating someone with kids. If not, that's a big deal. If so, that opens up a bigger pool of candidates, but baby daddy drama is real. You have to know what you're getting into and know if it's worth it or not.
Now, once you find some girls that you are attracted to, READ THEIR PROFILES. Yeah it doesn't seem as fun as looking for hot girls, but if you want a real relationship, some of those details are going to be important. If they don't have any details, that's a red flag too. They likely aren't serious about it.
It depends on the app, but if it's set up for you to send a direct message, take a few minutes to figure out what to message them. Don't just say, "Hey, your hot." Pretty sure girls like it if you mention details they've put in their profile, which tells them you read it.
Once you do reach out to a girl, make sure to keep track of who you've already reached out to. If you try to DM a girl multiple times they will think you're a creep and ignore you. You have to be patient. If they want to reach out to you they will, if not, move on.
Now, if you get a bite, keep it cool. Be attentive but not desperate. Get to know each other a bit and if it seems to be going well ask if they want to meet. Decide if you want to go full dinner, or drinks (if they drink), or coffee... whatever feels right to you. If you feel comfortable exchanging numbers to text, go for it. Look out for red flags like being evasive with certain questions, or topics.
In this new day and age with the pandemic going on, I'm guessing facetime/zoom is a more popular next step after chatting. If you do that make sure you look nice and your place looks nice. Girls are pretty perceptive and they'll see empty beer cans and a pile of laundry as a red flag.
I spent a few weeks searching and loving the process before I actually found someone I wanted to meet. So be patient.
On your date, put your best foot forward. Some girls will want to split the bill, some will expect you to pay. You'll have to figure that out. Keep the conversation fairly casual but be honest and give real details when the time comes. If you blow smoke up her ass for an hour and really like her, she's not going to take it well when you actually tell the truth.
Hmm. What else. Oh, if you are rejoining the dating scene after a while like I was, don't be too hard yourself. It takes time to figure out how to date again. I was pretty clueless. The last time I had dated I was in college and meeting girls at parties.
First and foremost, I'm commenting to those looking for a credible long term relationship. I've already posted earlier with my experience on this. Confidently (but not arrogantly) I, very likely, have more in-depth experience than anyone on this. Here are some suggestions.
Online...
Understand what you want by creating a list of priorities and assess yourself against those same priorities. Be honest with yourself (eg if you're looking for good looks, look for someone equitable to yourself). A lot can be revealed in the correspondence. If you're concerned about your privacy, get a free Google account with GMail and a Google voice number. That way, you can simply remove it, if you're concerned. If it's your nature, inject some light hearted humor. Mention, but don't indulge in your passions. Read your prospective mate's content thoroughly (ie don't gloss over the bumpy parts). Do NOT succumb to the pedestal theory (ie do not 'assume' a blank is filled in with your dream). Find the answer to your most important questions up front. Do NOT get dissuaded by looks. A long term relationship is rarely, if ever, predicated on the physical aspects of a relationship. If your date checks off the top 5 of your priorities and you theirs, then it warrants that first conversation.
First call...
Use that online account mentioned above. Outside of that, I only recommend you allot a pre-determined time to this first call. That way neither should be distracted or rushed. If the first 'short' call goes well, set up another. Again, the most important objective is to learn as much as you can about the person's character, interests and life plans.
First meeting...
Establish the ground rules on your first meeting as it's more likely than not, one or the other will not want a second date. Always meet first in a public place and let her leave first (opposite for women). Keep the first meeting inexpensive (coffee or tea). Try not to make it an interview (ie 'listen' first, then ask correlating questions). Don't ask direct questions, but be observant for those appearing 'desperate' or 'compromising'. The most awkward part of any first meeting is the end. If you're a man, do not take the lead on anything physical (hand shake, hug, or kiss). She should always control that aspect of a date. At the end and despite being awkward, be very polite, sensitive, and honest if you do NOT intend on seeing them again. That's another human being on the other end who has feelings. One person is NEVER 'better' than the other; just different.
Good luck.
P.S. Even though I followed my own advice, don't kid yourself. You should always 'expect' to grow as a person in a relationship. Some times may be difficult. Persevere. It's worth it.
Online...
Understand what you want by creating a list of priorities and assess yourself against those same priorities. Be honest with yourself (eg if you're looking for good looks, look for someone equitable to yourself). A lot can be revealed in the correspondence. If you're concerned about your privacy, get a free Google account with GMail and a Google voice number. That way, you can simply remove it, if you're concerned. If it's your nature, inject some light hearted humor. Mention, but don't indulge in your passions. Read your prospective mate's content thoroughly (ie don't gloss over the bumpy parts). Do NOT succumb to the pedestal theory (ie do not 'assume' a blank is filled in with your dream). Find the answer to your most important questions up front. Do NOT get dissuaded by looks. A long term relationship is rarely, if ever, predicated on the physical aspects of a relationship. If your date checks off the top 5 of your priorities and you theirs, then it warrants that first conversation.
First call...
Use that online account mentioned above. Outside of that, I only recommend you allot a pre-determined time to this first call. That way neither should be distracted or rushed. If the first 'short' call goes well, set up another. Again, the most important objective is to learn as much as you can about the person's character, interests and life plans.
First meeting...
Establish the ground rules on your first meeting as it's more likely than not, one or the other will not want a second date. Always meet first in a public place and let her leave first (opposite for women). Keep the first meeting inexpensive (coffee or tea). Try not to make it an interview (ie 'listen' first, then ask correlating questions). Don't ask direct questions, but be observant for those appearing 'desperate' or 'compromising'. The most awkward part of any first meeting is the end. If you're a man, do not take the lead on anything physical (hand shake, hug, or kiss). She should always control that aspect of a date. At the end and despite being awkward, be very polite, sensitive, and honest if you do NOT intend on seeing them again. That's another human being on the other end who has feelings. One person is NEVER 'better' than the other; just different.
Good luck.
P.S. Even though I followed my own advice, don't kid yourself. You should always 'expect' to grow as a person in a relationship. Some times may be difficult. Persevere. It's worth it.
5'6"
If you're short and nerdy you better have some kind of talent, otherwise girls avoid you like the plague.
I have gotten this recommendation from a couple of people, but here is my issue. From the time I moved to Dallas I have been running one company or another, or serving on boards. I love business, and that has been my hobby. My other interest is travel. The issues here are, no real hobbies; thus, no place to meet those people. I've considered taking a couple of solo trips to places I enjoy but feel like I'd be a bit of a creeper and I don't really want to end up in a long-distance relationship anyway. But from this I've decided I need to get out locally, and unfortunately that will be a solo effort as well.
So the next question... how do you go out solo and seem creepy? How do you open a conversation when you're sitting at the bar eating alone?
I think I'm going to buy my wife flowers today. This thread does not sound fun
Yeah, I told my wife a few days ago that if she ever leaves, I’m done. Dating sucks balls.
Yeah that sounds like bull ****.
From my experience, girls don't reach out a ton on dating services. You usually have to approach them. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is. Catfishing seems to be a problem with online dating too. "Girls" who are trying to scam you.
Though my wife did reach out to me first, so I guess I'm lucky.
