How bad are athlete's parents?

[AuH2O]

I will say this - I live in Ankeny and I was really concerned about parents even for rec leagues. I've had a great experience with parents. Never had one issue. Every year I've been praised universally by parents for coaching baseball and let me assure you I was the worst baseball player on my team every dang year growing up. Some of it is on the coaches too - I communicate exactly what I'm going to be doing every year with our open time. I'll take suggestions and help but that's it. If parents want to directly contradict what I'm trying to do at that point, I'll offer to let them coach the team.

I've coached my kids' teams in different sports for years, and can't say I've ever really had a problem. With my daughter's teams, it seems like parents are just so thrilled that someone is willing to volunteer to coach girls sports that they aren't about to rock the boat. The closest thing to an issue I've ever had is parents that think their kid can never touch a ball outside of the organized practice all year long and assume I'm not doing a very good job because their kid struggles.

And with the boys teams I've pretty much followed the - if you show up to practice, work hard, have a good attitude and are a good teammate you are going to play approach. And if I have an issue that is going to cost a kid playing time, I give the parent a heads up ahead of time and share the details. In some cases like a kid that can't catch wanting to play 1B, I have to tell parents that we'll work on it in practice, but we have safety considerations to think about, as well as trying to put kids in positions where they can push the limits of their skills while still giving them a good chance to be successful.

On the other side as a parent the only issues I've ever had is when the coaches communicate something like I said above, then pull some douchery that sends mixed messages or embarrasses kids. My prime example is in basketball, where there's been one player that is really good, and the rest of the kids are all decent, but a notch below that kid. A coach makes sure his kid is always playing with the star player so he can pull the "That group was playing really well so I wanted to stick with them" excuse while other kids that are as good or better, and more importantly are good kids, teammates and give effort, ride the pine. But overall, those types of things have been rare, and pretty much everybody coaching my kids' teams have done a good job and deserve a lot of slack.

 

[isukendall]

I coached collegiate club wrestling for five years, and had a very successful team, winning a conference championship in the last year. Also started the first collegiate women's program in the state of Colorado. Ultimately was ran off by parents and a rogue assistant coach (who wanted to be head coach and got the parents on his side). One parent in particular harassed and sent threats to me and other coaches and athletes, threatened my wife's job (she worked for the university), called a female athlete a c*nt in an email which supposedly spurred a Title IX investigation, etc. Club sports department wouldn't help us despite numerous pleas for help, fired us via email after the parent dug enough to give them a reason, and refused to consider or listen to any appeal. The team basically fractured, and now is rebuilding the pieces. The kid of the parent hasn't been a member of the team since we were fired, BTW. Nor have I touched a wrestling mat since.

I appreciate the early post advice about setting expectations, but that doesn't always work when the administration doesn't have your back. It's amazing how the administration expects responsibility from coaches yet grants no authority when it is needed. Parents are indeed the core issue here, but it doesn't help when administrators are negligent cowards.

 

[twojman]

There's probably a little bit of desperation for the chance at the college scholarship as well. That gains more value every year with the rising cost of tuition.

If people thought about it, they could put that money away and save for college and get it paid for that way. There is not just the cost of joining the leagues but you also have uniforms, taking the kid to Accelerate Iowa or something like that, hotel stays etc...that crap adds up fast.

 

[mywayorcyway]

If people thought about it, they could put that money away and save for college and get it paid for that way. There is not just the cost of joining the leagues but you also have uniforms, taking the kid to Accelerate Iowa or something like that, hotel stays etc...that crap adds up fast.

That's a simple idea. I have a friend who is constantly broke - he doesn't earn much, and his wife did but quit when the kids were born. Now that the kids are over 12 years old, she works part time and won't go back full time. There isn't a lot of money to go around.

Their older son is a good baseball player (he's 14). One of the better players on the team, but not the best. They spend gobs of money for him to play on traveling teams. Last year was $6k. Dad took a second job at Costco and he often works 80 hours a week. Sleep and work is all he does.

It's causing a family rift because now the parents are asking their brother and sister for money for baseball. The brother (one of my closest friends) said no, the sister loaned some but she knows she isn't getting it back. The sister also attended a number of games but couldn't make it to one of the daughter's volleyball games, so the Mom told the sister if she can't make it to both, don't come at all. After she loaned them money. So now the sister isn't going at all. She wants to, but can't attend every single game of both kids. It's tearing her apart. The whole family is crumbling.

You're probably right - had they simply been putting this money away, there would be some money available for college. I can't imagine they're going to be able to right the ship in three years before the first one heads to school.

 

[ArgentCy]

That's a simple idea. I have a friend who is constantly broke - he doesn't earn much, and his wife did but quit when the kids were born. Now that the kids are over 12 years old, she works part time and won't go back full time. There isn't a lot of money to go around.

Their older son is a good baseball player (he's 14). One of the better players on the team, but not the best. They spend gobs of money for him to play on traveling teams. Last year was $6k. Dad took a second job at Costco and he often works 80 hours a week. Sleep and work is all he does.

It's causing a family rift because now the parents are asking their brother and sister for money for baseball. The brother (one of my closest friends) said no, the sister loaned some but she knows she isn't getting it back. The sister also attended a number of games but couldn't make it to one of the daughter's volleyball games, so the Mom told the sister if she can't make it to both, don't come at all. After she loaned them money. So now the sister isn't going at all. She wants to, but can't attend every single game of both kids. It's tearing her apart. The whole family is crumbling.

You're probably right - had they simply been putting this money away, there would be some money available for college. I can't imagine they're going to be able to right the ship in three years before the first one heads to school.

I don't understand these traveling teams at all. What is the point here? Why?

Just getting started in this world but I find it amusing. First game with my 8 year old and 4 teams there. I could tell in 2 minutes that 1 team was just going to trounce the other three as they were what I expected in kids who had never played basketball before. Still had a lady on our team worried about the "score keeper" missing a bucket. Lol, lady this team just lost a game like 80-8, don't worry about it.

 

[CarolinaCy]

I don't understand these traveling teams at all. What is the point here? Why?

Just getting started in this world but I find it amusing. First game with my 8 year old and 4 teams there. I could tell in 2 minutes that 1 team was just going to trounce the other three as they were what I expected in kids who had never played basketball before. Still had a lady on our team worried about the "score keeper" missing a bucket. Lol, lady this team just lost a game like 80-8, don't worry about it.

Unfortunately, in larger cities, there's nothing really in between. Where I live, there is nothing school sponsored until 6th grade, and then you have 120 girls trying out for the one girls volleyball team for the entire middle school. If your daughter doesn't make that team, your options are YMCA, which is cheap but you settle for a volunteer coach that doesn't teach much of anything, and that's when they bother to show up, or a club/travel team that costs $2400 a year (or double for the elite team).

 

[AuH2O]

Unfortunately, in larger cities, there's nothing really in between. Where I live, there is nothing school sponsored until 6th grade, and then you have 120 girls trying out for the one girls volleyball team for the entire middle school. If your daughter doesn't make that team, your options are YMCA, which is cheap but you settle for a volunteer coach that doesn't teach much of anything, and that's when they bother to show up, or a club/travel team that costs $2400 a year (or double for the elite team).

Yeah i think there are a lot of places where that's the case, but if you and other parents get creative there might be some in between options. I think I have shared earlier but my son and his friends are into baseball but like other sports too. None of us were too keen on the high priced local club team with paid coaches, but our kid said wanted more than regular little league. Some of us parents organized a team, practiced to supplement little league and entered 4-5 local USSSA "travel tournaments" each summer. Also organized a local league with more serious area teams. Have done it 3 years now and the kids have won tournaments in the AA division and are now in AAA and win plenty. Practice is at local parks, we just have to split the cost of team entry, so between little league season, league and the USSSA tournaments its prob $350/year. The kids get plenty of games against good competition, don't get burned out. Hell, his team has beaten the local expensive club team. I have done similar things in basketball, getting into some league so the kids can get a few games against AAU teams as well as play school teams. So it can be done without spending much but it takes parents to organize, coach and find opportunities to give kids something between the hardcore travel options and the local parks and rec type options.

 

[JMA1125]

If people thought about it, they could put that money away and save for college and get it paid for that way. There is not just the cost of joining the leagues but you also have uniforms, taking the kid to Accelerate Iowa or something like that, hotel stays etc...that crap adds up fast.

Forget college scholarships. In most of the big urban and suburban high schools you won’t even make the baseball/softball/basketball/volleyball/soccer team if you haven’t been playing competitively since you were a kid. Most of the parents I know think about that, not college scholarships.

 

[BCClone]

A lot of how the kid develops is if their parents help them. Coached enough youth teams that when the only effort the parents make is taking the kid to an organized practice, you have trouble. Find a camp here or there, pitch to them, shag shots for them, set of pass the volleyball for them, take them to HS games so they see a higher level in action and get more interest. 30 minutes a night a couple times a week goes a long ways.

If you are unsure, ask their coach what they can work on. They are more than happy to give you ideas.