Toxic Boss - How do you cope?
- Thread starter Peter
- Start date
Aside from the age and area of employment I wondered if you had the same boss as I once had.
Blames everyone else, makes a generally easy job stressful...does she also add different 'steps' to every process to make it seem more official and efficient when it actually makes everything else more complicated and creates more mistakes?
The worst part is, these people are usually horrible socially and incompetent in lots of areas but still get put in charge and often move up. Makes no sense.
If the other co-workers are good to have around, that's a way to cope and find good things in the mess.
Otherwise, if you have experience with serving or bartending or whatever, I'd quit and do that in between jobs.
So she's 71 and the founder of the company. When she finally bows out, will that company still be around? It sounds like she's starting to lose it a bit, and who knows what the finances of the company look like.
Time to pull the rope.
An old boss once gave me great advice: "Never burn a bridge unless you need the light."
Don't trust "corporate"!! Too many one-sided arguments that always seem to go in the managers/bosses favor. The fight is almost never worth it, so keep actively looking and you'll be just fine! Just read this today, ironically. May not help your situation, but it might at least make you feel better about having ***hole bosses like most of us at one point in time.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/empl...pu8ocpwn0KMimzNtXEhD6QxZoPjXyMJ9hiWF-tpdr22MY
To me it's all about knowing deep down that you're doing a good job. If you are working hard and doing your best and that's not good enough for someone else, so be it.
Thanks for the advice everyone. Was just contacted for an interview with another company. Fingers crossed. Y’all are the best. Go state! **** Iowa!
Has CF ever given anyone bad advice?
You could say one of us is dumb but, collectively, we're even dumber.
Good luck to you!! You'd be surprised how many companies value your experience and expertise. Been there, done that, so I know you'll be fine....
Good luck to you!
I left a job 6 months ago and am working for myself right now. My boss was getting on my case about anything and everything. Like a margin being of on a slide by 1/16 of an inch everything. This made me clam up. Things started taking me two hours to do instead of 30 minutes. For some reason I stuck around for another 2.5 years. I did not realize how much it was bringing me down. I really started having a lot of depression symptoms to the point where a coworker said something to me and a friend happened to see me driving and texted me that I should smile more. I started taking out frustrations on my family. Not fair to anyone.
So, I just left. (with two weeks notice) I shocked a lot of coworkers. They liked my attitude, effort and work I did with them.
As others have mentioned in this thread and Chris mentioned in his article today, life is too short. Enjoy everything you do. Your time is very valuable, don't stick with a job you hate for $10k more per year. You only get so much time, use it.
I left a job 6 months ago and am working for myself right now. My boss was getting on my case about anything and everything. Like a margin being of on a slide by 1/16 of an inch everything. This made me clam up. Things started taking me two hours to do instead of 30 minutes. For some reason I stuck around for another 2.5 years. I did not realize how much it was bringing me down. I really started having a lot of depression symptoms to the point where a coworker said something to me and a friend happened to see me driving and texted me that I should smile more. I started taking out frustrations on my family. Not fair to anyone.
So, I just left. (with two weeks notice) I shocked a lot of coworkers. They liked my attitude, effort and work I did with them.
As others have mentioned in this thread and Chris mentioned in his article today, life is too short. Enjoy everything you do. Your time is very valuable, don't stick with a job you hate for $10k more per year. You only get so much time, use it.
Depends on if you think advice like 'do her' is good or bad. Because that tends to be the go-to.
Kinda same story for me. Boss was doinking my co-worker and her husband worked about 10 feet away and happened to be 1 of my friends for a few years. But at the end of the day he was a bad boss and created an atmosphere of distrust and apathy neither of which I will tolerate. I won't opine on the morality.
My health suffered - huge blood pressure spike, weight gain, anxiety, low-grade depression... but as I said above I don't tolerate this stuff.
I started an internal job search than started an external job search. I also had a handful of private meetings with my VP and my HR rep to talk solely about bad bossing - not the shenanigans. After an HR meeting my rep told me to delete the meeting invite - which I didn't. I also amassed a sizable file as I felt my job was in jeopardy and I wasn't going down for him. My VP said that if people quit talking about the problem it would go away - seriously.
The straw that broke the camel's back was when I received an unsolicited text with no number asking if it was normal for my boss and my co-worker to be together at some airport hotel in the middle of the day. The text had pictures of both their cars in the parking lot and they had no reason to be there - other than maybe the sheets were clean.
Sent the text to my VP and said I'm sick of the BS and that I'd let him have the information over the weekend but the next Monday I was going to HR with my entire file which he - my VP - figured very large in.
Monday came and my boss was walked out around 10am. My co-worker who was on a temp job elsewhere in the company was tracked down and walked out as well.
So a director job opened up that day in my department and I was a very logical applicant and under other circumstances would have been appointed to the gig but the job was posted 3 months later. I applied, and was granted an interview. A few days before the interview I pulled out because if I DIDN'T get the job I didn't want to think it was because I put my VP in a corner - which I did and it was intentional.
So interview, no promotion and I'm in the same department with a new boss who had no experience with what we went through. Same job as well but I have a retirement date later this year!
To end - I've never failed an ethical test and have sacrificed myself at times to do the right thing. I look myself in the mirror every morning and other than being fatter than I want, I'm very happy with what I see.
Life is too short and the stress that some of us feel in these circumstances isn't worth it. Do the right thing for your company but always do the right thing for yourself. Money and title is garbage if you carry the stress and other ****** health impacts that goes along with some of it.
Have had three challenging bosses, but many great ones. The smaller the company, especially with a founder involved, the harder it can be as people don't change roles as often. A few thoughts and suggestions:
- You are primarily responsible for your career and development, not her.
- If you think you can have a reasonable conversation, then set boundaries, but first start by asking expectations and priorities. Those can change on a whim with a bad leader, but it gives you something to reference, "I have been focused on XYZ as we agreed. If you now want me to switch to ABC, let's clarify the new expectations (can't just add, something has to be pushed down the list) and prioritize the expectations so you know what is most important.
- You have to be able to say "I am not comfortable with that." She might respond that "Your comfort is not her primary concern."
- Don't be a victim. If she wants to victimize you, don't let her. I suggest getting a relationship with a good headhunter (or two or three but not 50) and start looking for a situation you want.
- One bad boss I took a different position internally (actually overseas), another I left the company, and a third I went to the leadership that hired me (after a one-on-one to clear the air with the supervisor professionally) and shared the struggle. I wanted to stay with the company but didn't feel the current situation was viable. The NA Director told me "Good, everyone has to experience that at some point in your career, so now what will you do?" I shared what I had done and that I was feeling I needed to find something else internally or leave. they found a new role and I was promoted. In all three cases the "bad boss" was out of the company within 8 months after my move.
