***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 01-15-2020***

[jcyclonee]

GTO: My poor wife has to hear my jokes all day every day. She finds none of them funny, at all.

Are you married to my wife?

Pants: I don’t own a fleshlight, but if I did, I would definitely name it.

A knock-off brand fleshlight is still a fleshlight.

@jcyclonee asks: I know somebody that's looking into opening a Taco Tico in the Des Moines area. What would be the best place for it?
GTO: Why do you need Taco Tico if you already have Tasty Tacos with their amazing flour tacos and flour nachos? Anyway, what is a Taco Tico? Don’t think I’ve ever seen one.
Angie: Could you please have them just put one in each quadrant of town? I gotsta get my crusto on. (I like the way you work it, Fort Diggity.)
Pants: The dumpster.
Angie: GTO - Are you s****ing me? Have you never been to Ft. Dodge? Or I think the one in Mason City is still open. They taste like nostalgia. And maybe a little bit of earthworm.
Pants: I’m FROM Mason City (it’s still open). Tico is totally overrated. Bell is even better. Fight me.
Angie: Admittedly, I don’t get a chance to have it very often, but it’s an institution. It may suck now, but you still go.

@Angie - Thank you for defending this very important institution.

GTO: Because it gives a good look at the parking lot. That way, if you’re inside the stadium you know when it is a good time to leave and beat traffic. Side note: do any of you remember Blimpie’s Subs? I know I’ve been to one like 20 years ago, but can’t remember if I liked it.

Last time I was in a Blimpie was about 20 years ago too. The guy ahead of me in line recognized the girl working behind the counter. They had gone to clown school together. Her clown name was Buttons. I'd like to ask myself how I remember this but that is a conversation that one just doesn't quickly forget.

Angie: I would absolutely love to meet a person who makes hairpieces for birds. There is an artist in Oregon who fashions waistcoats for taxidermy mice, and I can imagine he/she would be fascinating.

I'm trying to decide if that's the most useless or awesome job ever. Probably both.

 

[Cyched]

Not my proudest fap

 

[GTO]

So, which would be the hardest name to spit out while excited:

1) Thurston
2) Thornton (@GTO's entry)
3) Thurgood

I guess you would likely either be exclaiming about #3 because you're hitting it with a Supreme Court justice, or because you're hitting it with a dead Supreme Court justice.

Thurgood seems to roll off the tongue easier for some reason.

 

[Angie]

Last time I was in a Blimpie was about 20 years ago too. The guy ahead of me in line recognized the girl working behind the counter. They had gone to clown school together. Her clown name was Buttons. I'd like to ask myself how I remember this but that is a conversation that one just doesn't quickly forget.

She's been at the Farmer's Market! https://theclownguide.com/buttons-the-clown/ What you should now do is go "accidentally" show up at a gig and start asking her if she still asks for extra sprouts.

What are the odds of anyone who'd gone to clown school needing to work at a sandwich shop? I'd think you could print your own money after that schooling.

I'm trying to decide if that's the most useless or awesome job ever. Probably both.

I'm going to go with awesome:

https://paxtongate.com/products/mouse-taxidermy-1

https://paxtongate.com/collections/taxidermy/products/taxidermy-mouse-1

But he/she might also be entirely insane. But I'm going to guess that conversation would still be amazing. Sometimes you've just got to light the match and watch the world burn.

 

[GTO]

Are you married to my wife?

Most of my comments are acknowledged by "OMG. Really?"

 

[Angie]

Thurgood seems to roll off the tongue easier for some reason.

And someone might think you're just saying "yerr good" if you say it with someone who isn't Thurgood (which is still weird, but far more normal than the alternative).

 

[ImJustKCClone]

Most of my comments are acknowledged by "OMG. Really?"

And this?

Lew sees a LOT of those...

 

[Sigmapolis]

 

[Angie]

Not my proudest fap

Must. Not. Ask. Proudest.

My mind is still sorta blown that neither @cyrocksmypants nor @GTO are familiar with the song! It's usually on "top 10 Stones songs" lists.

 

[VeloClone]

I don’t know that anyone has ever yelled “Oh Thurston” in the height of passion, regardless of how solid it is.

Not even Lovey?

 

[jcyclonee]

She's been at the Farmer's Market! https://theclownguide.com/buttons-the-clown/ What you should now do is go "accidentally" show up at a gig and start asking her if she still asks for extra sprouts.

What are the odds of anyone who'd gone to clown school needing to work at a sandwich shop? I'd think you could print your own money after that schooling.



I'm going to go with awesome:

https://paxtongate.com/products/mouse-taxidermy-1

https://paxtongate.com/collections/taxidermy/products/taxidermy-mouse-1

But he/she might also be entirely insane. But I'm going to guess that conversation would still be amazing. Sometimes you've just got to light the match and watch the world burn.

The age of that Buttons the Clown would be about right but the conversation I witnessed took place in Arden Hills, Minnesota. I guess clowns can move. Heck, she probably owns homes in Arden Hills, Des Moines, St. Moritz, Beverly Hills and Monte Carlo.

If I'm going to watch the world burn, you are dam right that I'm watching it with a bucket full of cheese and a bunch of waistcoat-wearing mice.

 

[jcyclonee]

Not my proudest fap

I hate it when I yell out the wrong name during a fap. It might have something to do with my tripolar disorder.

 

[Cardinal2001]

I hate it when I yell out the wrong name during a fap. It might have something to do with my tripolar disorder.

Or, it's exciting to introduce new characters.

 

[Cardinal2001]

Who doesn't know the song Angie? WTF non-boomers!

*faith in CF and humanity dwindling

 

[Sigmapolis]

Who doesn't know the song Angie? WTF non-boomers!

*faith in CF and humanity dwindling

 

[jcyclonee]

Who doesn't know the song Angie? WTF non-boomers!

*faith in CF and humanity dwindling

They got no lovin' in their souls.

 

[Cy$]

@cmjh10 is trying to suck up to the mods to get powers and ban me. Don’t fall for it @Angie

 

[CloniesForLife]

Nice work everyone! Another good read.

 

[BCClone]

So, which would be the hardest name to spit out while excited:

1) Thurston
2) Thornton (@GTO's entry)
3) Thurgood

I guess you would likely either be exclaiming about #3 because you're hitting it with a Supreme Court justice, or because you're hitting it with a dead Supreme Court justice.

Seeing how I’m male it would be all of them. A woman named any of those doesn’t sound very attractive.

 

[Cardinal2001]

Well, Mr. Howell and Lovey certainly seemed to "get along" on Gilligan's Island, so we can rule out Thurston.