***Official Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 12-04-2019***

[GTO]

First and foremost, a few links:
Our official question submissions thread: https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...n-weekly-mailbag-questions-submission.251174/

Link to last five mailbags (if bored and need some reading material):
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-10-30-2019.252145/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...-information-weekly-mailbag-11-3-2019.252386/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-11-13-2019.252633/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/th...information-weekly-mailbag-11-20-2019.252903/
https://cyclonefanatic.com/forum/threads/official-insider-information-weekly-mailbag-11-27-2019.253132/


Insider Information Weekly Mailbag 12-04-2019
Presented by…Flex Seal-If it can stop a boat with a screen door from sinking, it can Surly stop the run. Apply liberally to defensive line, set it, and forget it!

@Sigmapolis asked last Wednesday: You guys still think the starting lineup is not going to change after today?
Pants: It depends on Jake. He’s been a disappointment this season so far. If he can’t get back into his groove, I could see Prohm going back to a 4/1 lineup with Solo being the starting big.
GTO: I bet we still see the same starting lineup for the next game, but will start working more of that four guard lineup as the season goes on. Prohm is about as likely to change lineups as he is to go from chapstick to carmex. I would actually like to see Solo and Conditt on the floor together at times and see how that works as opposed to Solo and Jacobson.

@BCClone asked: If you were a pron star what would have been your screen name?
GTO: Let me just start by stating that the most creative male pornstar name I’ve seen is Michael J. Cox. Which one would I be? Probably D*ck Dastardly.
Pants: Isn’t it the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on?Chester East.

@CyArob asks: Side note, why is this the first time I've opened one of these threads?
Pants: Taking applications for guest speakers.
GTO: Mama, life has just begun.

@cmjh10 with his usual obsession: Are we back to ending the football program?
GTO: Burn it down and then, from the ashes, build up a futbol powerhouse. The real football.
Pants: Burn it all down. I mean, we almost lost to Drake and UNI. Total disaster and embarrassment to the university.

@BCClone asks: If you could hang with Bill and Ted for a day and bring back one person to our current time to give a speech, presentation or what have you, who would that person be?
Pants: Probably the easy answer, which is MLK Jr.
GTO: John F Kennedy’s speech about filming the moon landing in a Hollywood Studio because it was easy, not because it was hard. Or something like that.

@BCClone again: Please give us quick run down on the upcoming cyclone swimming and diving team and season?
GTO: They’re going to get wet and and go deep.
Pants: Swimming and diving was actually the first sport I covered when I wrote for the Daily. Women’s swimming and diving, then softball, then I did some feature pieces for football and eventually became a weekly sports columnist alongside Brent Blum, who made me look absolutely awful because he was really, REALLY good at it.

@cmjh10 asks a question which would make @jsb proud: Strictly from a fan experience, which teams did/do you enjoy watching more, Hoiberg or Prohm?
Pants: Hoiberg. Not that I don’t like Prohm or his teams. I just loved the combinations of the style and the personalities we had at the time. I still find myself thinking “Fred would have been so pissed” when I see someone take a jump shot from just inside the three point line (Shayok did that quite a bit last year).
GTO: I think the Hoiberg teams were more exciting. The offense was so explosive that you could never count them out in any games. Also, the lack of defense made for some tight, stressful finishes. Prohm is better at maintaining a lead, but also less likely to make a huge comeback in a game.

 

[GTO]

@CloniesForLife asks: Do we beat Seton Hall in round 2?
GTO: Will we shoot as well as we did in the last two games at B4A? Will the refs let them get away with anything short of murder again? Many factors to consider, but I will say we suffer a close loss. Hope I’m wrong.
Pants: Yes. I don’t normally complain about officiating. Maybe specific calls, but not overall officiating. But that was BAD. And I don’t expect it to be that bad in Hilton.

@BCClone asks: Your preference, cheerleaders or Pom Pom squad at games?
Pants: My brain says cheerleaders, but my experience says Pom Pom squad.
GTO: Pom Pom all the way.

@Cyched with the weekly tradition: If a parsley farmer loses a lawsuit, do they garnish his wages?
@Ms3r4ISU replied: Or do they withhold his celery?
GTO: The farmer ended up barley winning the appeal.
Pants: Really, it depends on what the lawsuit is for. If there are financial repercussions, it would make sense. But as a farmer, I’d guess it would be less about garnishing wages and more about property asset seizures.

@jcyclonee asks: Why did 5 Fire Department SUVs just drive past my window with their lights and sirens on but no actual fire trucks?
Pants: Easiest way to get through red lights.
GTO: They were probably late for the Cops vs. Firefighters flag football game.

@BCClone stealing a page from @Cyched’s playbook: How do woodchucks chuck wood with such short arms?
GTO: If you ate some wood, I bet you would also be chucking afterwards.
Pants: Woodchucks don’t actually chuck wood, they chuck dirt as they burrow underground habitats.

@jcyclonee with a question after some long ass required reading: On Friday, our high school played in the state championship football game and got beat because a RB that ran for 300 yards. As we were leaving, I predicted that, "Now, ISU will get killed by KSU, the U of M will get killed by Wisconsin, it's going to snow for at least 36 hours (it was technically closer to 42 hours), and the Vikings will get killed by Seattle on Monday Night. If the Vikings get killed, should I just not show up for work and assume I'm going to predict the Powerball numbers?
Pants: Well, they didn’t get KILLED…….
GTO: Powerball drawing is today. What numbers you got?

@jcyclonee with another War and Peace: On Friday Night, I didn't watch our basketball game against a ranked opponent because of the aforementioned football game. On Saturday, I didn't watch our final football game because it was our anniversary and we decided to watch a 3.5 hour long movie that I fell asleep twice during and drew questionable conclusions about Jimmy Hoffa. (FYI - We didn't leave the house because the weather was supremely crappy and my youngest daughter was barfing all day.)
Now that I have this long-winded prelude out of the way, should I just officially give up my ISU fandom because I'm a sucky fan?
GTO: Anniversary and didn’t leave the house the whole time? If you were up to what I think you were up to, I don’t blame you for missing the game. Then again, I wish I missed the game as well and I didn’t really have anything else going on.
Pants: Have you read any of the in-game threads? You’re far from a sucky fan. Most of those dudes should be absolutely embarrassed by themselves.

@jcyclonee observes: It was way better when we were a "football school" then when we were "the school that invented the computer".
Pants: This isn’t a question.
GTO: Side rant: Does anybody really call Iowa State “the school that invented the computer”? I hate how people always want that claim to fame while nobody outside ISU even acknowledges us as the inventors of the computer. Maybe we should focus on peanut butter instead.

@BCClone asks: One guy last week talked bout going from member to active member.
I of course am a well known member. What is the best kind of member to be?
GTO: I ‘member.
Pants: The kind that is the top rated poster on the board. I.E. Me.

@Gunnerclone with an easy question: If all social media was cancelled, and CF wasn’t an option, and you could only visit one website for the rest of your life which website would you choose?
Pants: Youtube. I originally was thinking maybe Netflix, but you can find most movies on Youtube still.
GTO: Would it be considered cheating if I said Google and then accessed all other websites from there? Youtube is a good choice. Get all your music, tutorials, some movies, etc. The Hub is a close second.

 

[Doc]

My porn name based on the pet/street thing would be Buster Barclay which I think is pretty dope.

 

[GTO]

@Sigmapolis asks: Grade each of the nine guys in the rotation for basketball for their seasons so far.
A, B, C, D, F
And briefly why you think that.
GTO: Halliburton - A (I really enjoy his newfound aggressiveness on offense, while still being a total team player).
Bolton - B- (if he can continue improving his shooting percentage like he did in B4A coupled with his slashing ability will make him hard to stop)
Nixon - B (He’s a lot better than what people give him credit for. He’s also not shooting any worse than anyone else on the team)
Solo - B- (seems to be missing some of the explosiveness from his freshman season due to injuries. Needs to assert himself more on the boards and be faster on switching back on defense. Do appreciate him setting up great screens and being more aggressive on offense)
MJ - C- (I think Prohm needs to run some plays for him to get him going this season. Where is that deadly mid-range jumper he used to make from the baseline?)
Conditt - B (doing everything you need him to do from an energy bench guy)
Griffin - C- (the new Terrence Lewis)
Jackson - B (great maturity for a freshman, really impressed with him so far)
Grill - C+ (shows great raw potential and instincts, still a bit tentative out there)
Pants: Hali-A- Still hesitant on shots he needs to be taking, especially as “the guy” this year.
Bolton-B People have been down on him, but I love him as a slasher and hope he’s found his niche there.
Nixon-C+ Really good defender. Needs to stop shooting 3s.
Solo-B- Struggled in Atlantis, but he just seemed gassed more than anything.
Jake-D+ As said before, been a disappointment. Not sure if it’s not knowing his role, being in a different position or what, but he’s struggling right now.
Conditt-A He’s been the biggest shining star. If he gets the foul situation in control, he’ll be bad ass.
Griffin-C- Honestly, I expected better from him. I still expect him to improve, but I was expecting more early.
Jackson-B Been a pleasant surprise from someone I wasn’t expecting a ton out of this season.
Grill-C+ Everyone is high on him, but I don’t see it. He’s got a great motor and goes hard, but just seems awkward right now.

@BCClone asks: We know Scottish men wear kilts, but what do Scottish women wear? Or do they walk around in their underwear because the men stole all their skirts, eerrrr, I mean kilts?
Pants: Dresses.
GTO: Clearly they wear the pants in the family.

@BCClone again: Question my youngest had for me and I had forgotten the answer. What slide position/s will play a D note on a trombone?
this mailbag is better than google.
GTO: Are you asking what is the best position to slide your D? Am I reading that right?
Pants: I got your D right here.

@Sigmapolis demands: Review this trailer.

Pants: Corgi. Great. Cute Blonde. Great. Male lead with a fantastic first name. Great. Corgi with tail. Kind of creepy. 8/10. I also enjoyed this Christmas trailer Youtube recommended to me.

Starring Sierra McCormick, of ANT Farm on Disney Channel and of very underrated super bloody horror revenge flick Some Kind of Hate.
GTO: First of all - would. I’ve actually watched another movie by Shout Factory and it was downright terrible. Was disappointed by how long it took for the corgi to show up on the trailer. Had me thinking that maybe I clicked on the wrong link. As far as the movie? 6/10 at best.
Pants: Wait, Shout Factory? Aren’t they the ones that produce MST3K? I saw a live show of that when I lived in Minneapolis. Was a blast, would recommend.

@jcyclonee asks: How is it possible that @BCClone hasn't seen Mrs Doubtfire or even recognize Mrs. Doubtfire?
GTO: I’ve never actually watched Mrs. Doubtfire. Fire away, haters.
Pants: He’s lying. He owns it on BluRay.

@jcyclonee asks: Insider question. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but what does this say about BC that the only thing he remembers about Top Gun is the volleyball scene?
Pants: It was an intense scene. And soundtrack for that scene.
GTO: He probably just fast forwarded straight there while looking for topless scenes. I guess it technically qualifies as a topless scene?

@cyrocksmypants asks: Has this become a second Random Topics thread for JC and BCC exclusively now?
GTO: JC and BCC apparently just came back from a long stint in prison and are getting all the mailbag they couldn’t get while in there.
Pants: Yes.

@GTO asks: What is harder to get through: Secret Service security or a Solomon Young screen?
Pants: My pants after reading about Campbell’s extension.
GTO: My Christmas wish is to have Connor or JorBo run into a Solo screen at full speed.

 

[GTO]

@GTO asks: Bigger Cyclone sports letdown: UAB first round loss in the NCAA tournament or Thanksgiving 2019 (Michigan/Seton Hall basketball losses combined with K-State football loss)?
GTO: I know, UAB is probably the obvious choice, but I did take a half day to come home and watch that game by myself and immediately turned off the TV right after and didn’t watch the rest of the tournament. This Thanksgiving, on the other hand, I had people over and they sat here with me as ISU got teabagged on 3 separate occasions. It was deflating for sure.
Pants: UAB easy. It’s the post season, bruh! And a huge let down with massive expectations. We were legit being picked as possible Final Four contenders that season.

@BCClone asks: Have you guys received my Urine and DNA samples that I sent to you to be a guest answerer?
Pants: You’re dead to me.
GTO: Yes. And I’m placing them in the next crime scene I come across.

@cyrevkah asks: So.. are you guys answering any questions?
GTO: New mailbag reader alert!
Pants: I’ve always got time for Revkah.

@cyrevkah with the huge spoiler alert: For example, I have seen people debating if Elsa really died or not. Is she human or spirit?
Also, I feel really old. I laughed when Elsa said, "I AM the fifth element"... I think I must have been the only person at our showing that that it was funny.
Pants: Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve never seen either Frozen movie.
GTO: I’ve only seen the first Frozen and, based on that, I will not be watching the second one. Or the first one again, for that matter. Also: multipass!

@CoKane asks: Which ISU player are you the least likely to beat in a fight?
GTO: Solo. Close second - Carter Boothe.
Pants: Solomon Young. How is this even a question?

@VegasCy asks: Most disappointing part of the loss at KSU?
1. 1-13 on 3rd down offense
2. 7-14 on 3rd down defense
3. 51 yards rushing
4. 231 yards on rush defense
5. 57 yards passing for KSU and losing
6. Opening kickoff for a TD
Pants: 231 yards on rush defense. KSU was just breaking our backs every time they ran the ball. That 98 yard drive was killer.
GTO: #5, as that is the one stat that really shows how their running game absolutely embarrassed our defense. That one drive where they did not throw the ball even once and still scored a TD just pissed me off so much.

@VegasCy again: In the last two games, Baylor has rushed for over 200 yards per game in two convincing wins and Oklahoma has rushed for over 350 yards per game and had a nice win against OSU. In that same timeframe, we have been out rushed by 230 yards. It’s hard to win in November when you can’t run the ball and you can’t stop the run. Moving forward, is this the key to eventually playing in a Big12 Championship game? Can we ever win this conference without being able to line up and punch people in the mouth?
GTO: We should have mixed in some four man fronts from time to time in that K-State game to force them to throw the ball. We need to be able to stop the run, first and foremost. I would rather we take our chances in pass coverage and challenge them to make some plays through the air.
Pants: The key to any good team is and always will be the offensive line. But that doesn’t just mean the ability to run the ball.

@VegasCy going for the trifecta: One thing that immediately stood out in The Battle 4 Atlantis was tempo. It was a fun brand of basketball and it was similar to the tempo we had in Maui last year. I was looking forward to that tempo throughout the year, but we seemed to pump the breaks on that strategy after giving up 98 points at historic CHA. Do you think we have the personnel to be a high tempo team or do you think we will settle into more of an offense like last year? Also, the rebounding differential has to be concerning, doesn’t it?
Pants: I think we’ll settle more. While we have a good tempo, it seemed more like we were trying to match the tempo of Alabama and Seton Hall than we were dictating it.
GTO: We’ll slow down some as the year goes on, especially in Big12 play. The rebounding is a problem for sure. Every time a shot goes up, either none of our guys are under the basket or maybe only one of them at best. I don’t know why we don’t have more emphasis on crashing the boards.

Wait, @VegasCy is not done: What are your thoughts on losing KSU for the last game of the year in 2020? Iowa at least gets an upgrade (Wisconsin), while we get WV, which I guess is better than Kansas.
GTO: I’m totally okay with taking a break from having KSU at the end of the season and having them ruin our shot at a great bowl game. I would rather catch them early in the year while they’re still getting things figured out. And the answer is always **** Iowa. Forever and ever. Amen.
Pants: I didn’t know this happened? But honestly, I really like the West Virginia game, so I’m not opposed to this. Plus it was that way when re-alignment first happened. Also, **** Iowa.

 

[cmjh10]

Should just rename this mailbag to "BCClone and friends ask questions"

 

[GTO]

And one final time this week for @VegasCy: Why does GTO sometimes use a red JFC in game threads and sometimes he doesn’t? Also, sometimes he’ll release it all at once and sometimes it’s a
J
F
C
Pants: The KFC JFC is the best one.
GTO: In order of severity based on what I just witnessed (from more severe to less severe):
Separate letters JFC.
KFC JFC
Red JFC
Plain JFC

@coolerifyoudid asks: What are you three favorite comedians (living or dead)? Who are three popular comedians you have never thought were funny?
Pants: Like, stand up comedians? That’s what I think of when I hear that, anyway. If that’s the case, probably Mike Falzone, John Mulaney and does Robin Williams count? If not, Jim Jeffries?
Worst definitely Dane Cook, although that’s the popular pick. George Lopez and Sam Kinison (though he was great in Little Monsters).
GTO: I love stand up comedy. Three comedians I like: Bill Burr, Demitri Martin, and Jim Gaffigan (this is hard, as there are a ton more that I also like). Three that I hate and didn’t think were funny at all: Dane Cook, Amy Schumer, and Louis CK.
Pants: I almost said Jim Gaffigan. He can do clean humor so well.

@VegasCy after a short break: What bowl are we going to? Every website I’ve seen has said Liberty, but CW on the radio today said that if OU goes to the playoff we have a shot at getting ND in the Camping World Bowl.
Pants: ******* Liberty. Again.
GTO: I would say I want some of what CW is smoking, but I’m afraid I would OD. No ****ing way we go to Camping World bowl and even crazier if someone thinks they would match a 10-2 Notre Dame against a 7-5 team. Sorry, CW, that’s just dumb as ****. My guess is also Liberty Bowl against a G5 team. I would prefer we drop to a lower bowl in the state of Texas against a mediocre P5 team. That way at least I can attend the game.

@NWICY asks: Best breakfast sandwich and where to get it (not in your kitchen). Skipping to MBB and WBB Clones over the Fighting Frans and Frau Bluder's gang? I say yes we sweep them (it helps both game are in Hilton).
GTO: Fast food: Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuit, Jack in the Box Grilled breakfast sandwich, or Whataburger Breakfast on a bun. If going somewhere nicer, Corner Bakery has some really good breakfast sandwiches. I’m actually going the opposite of Pants. I think a cold shooting night dooms the men and the women actually squeak out a win.
Pants: I……..I don’t do breakfast sandwhiches…..Men win, women lose.
GTO: No breakfast sandwiches? How un-American!

@Doc asks: Let’s pretend that you’re Matt Campbell and you’re evaluating the Iowa State fanbase on the Barney Stinson Hot-Crazy scale. We are definitely hot in our support of a historically bad team, but we also get drunk and want you to fire Tom Manning at times. Where do you guys think we belong?
Pants: I like to think we straddle the Vicky Mendoza line. Love our teams and coaches, but also love to bash them as soon as something minor and insignificant happens like a three and out, as if those never happen to good teams.
GTO: We’re actually not as crazy as you think. Go read an OU, Alabama, LSU, tOSU forums and you’ll see real crazy fans losing their mind over a top ranked (or at times unbeaten team) and every little thing they can find to complain about.

@VegasCy with the final question for the week: Rate my all-time favorite Cyclones from best to worst. Use any criteria you want.
1. Dedric Willoughby
2. Victor Alexander
3. Julius Michalik
GTO: I’ve only seen Dedric Willoughby play and can say he was amazing. That dude had unlimited range.
Pants: I’ve seen one of them play in my lifetime, and unfortunately at the time, I was a Hawkeye.
GTO: A Hawkeye? Let’s never talk about that again
Pants: I kind of take it as a point of pride! I grew up in the town of Dean Oliver! I played football with Jeff Horner! And even though I wasn’t born and raised ISU, I still came to the good guys!

 

[GTO]

The end. Thanks again to everyone who contributed questions this week and to my PIC @cyrocksmypants for always bringing it.

Until next week!

 

[GTO]

Should just rename this mailbag to "BCClone and friends ask questions"

You know the rules: we answer every question. Even if only from BCClone.

 

[cyrevkah]

@cyrocksmypants I wouldn't expect you to watch them.

 

[jcyclonee]

My porn name based on the pet/street thing would be Buster Barclay which I think is pretty dope.

My pron first name is Stubby. I'm niche-categorized before I even get to the casting couch.

 

[GTO]

Poll now added for customer feedback.

 

[jcyclonee]

@BCClone again: Question my youngest had for me and I had forgotten the answer. What slide position/s will play a D note on a trombone?
this mailbag is better than google.
GTO: Are you asking what is the best position to slide your D? Am I reading that right?
Pants: I got your D right here.

These two answers are perfect examples of why I read this mailbag. You are both like R-rated Robert Frosts.

@Doc asks: Let’s pretend that you’re Matt Campbell and you’re evaluating the Iowa State fanbase on the Barney Stinson Hot-Crazy scale. We are definitely hot in our support of a historically bad team, but we also get drunk and want you to fire Tom Manning at times. Where do you guys think we belong?
Pants: I like to think we straddle the Vicky Mendoza line. Love our teams and coaches, but also love to bash them as soon as something minor and insignificant happens like a three and out, as if those never happen to good teams.
GTO: We’re actually not as crazy as you think. Go read an OU, Alabama, LSU, tOSU forums and you’ll see real crazy fans losing their mind over a top ranked (or at times unbeaten team) and every little thing they can find to complain about.

I'm not going anywhere near a tOSU forum. Those fans are truly dumb and crazy, as in certifiably.
Here is a wedding cake:


And here's this:

 

[jcyclonee]

Usually, with your polls, I vote for all the answers. This time I couldn't bring myself to vote for Dane Cook.

 

[Gunnerclone]

Don’t steal this but my porn name would be Tony Cawk.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Don’t steal this but my porn name would be Tony Cawk.

I’m stealing this.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

@CycloneRulzzz Dane Cook? Really man?

 

[Doc]

Pants is the Dane Cook of this board.

 

[CycloneRulzzz]

@CycloneRulzzz Dane Cook? Really man?

Hey for all the **** he gets at one time he was one of the biggest draws in comedy. I've seen him twice 1 in Des Moines and his recent tour took him to Ames. Not all comedy is for everyone.

Side note, loved your pick of Jim Jefferies. Probably my favorite current comedian.

 

[VeloClone]

My pron name of Sport C-64 probably doesn't work very well.