This describes me to a T. Well except for the 6' thing. I used to be 6' but "the man keeping me down" has resulted in me losing 3/4 of an inch. I probably need to find myself some of those '80s gravity boots.
This is funny because he always thought he was 5'11" but he measured 6' at doctor and they always try and measure you shorter and heavier than you are. Maybe he's growing at age 59? And they keep insisting I'm going to have osteoporosis and look like Yoda if I don't gain another six pounds.