Salvia. Used to be able to get it at the FD mall that is now demolished. Late 2000s.
I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say young Rez was no Stanger to experimenting with all your classic hallucinogens. All the classics were definitely effective, but they were easily handled in my case. Nothing too crazy.
But Salvia? That stuff terrifies me to this day. It was beyond a trip or a high or an experience. It was more real than real life, and it seemed to have an intricate knowledge of "me" and the human experience in general in a way that is difficult to describe. It's also difficult to remember in meaningful detail, other than a few takeaways. Sort of like a dream you wake up from remembering very vividly but quickly fades. But I'll share some takeaways or memories that have stuck with me.
1) I remember thinking there was NO WAY I'd ever forget what I saw. But I mostly did for sure.
2) I remember visually seeing the arch of humanity and history and me and my friends and family all melded into some sort of physical rotating form. Kind of like those creepy AI images that can melt into and out of other forms.
In it contained everything that ever is or ever was, from the most macro to the most mundane things in human experience. Although obviously spiritual or divine in nature, it was very much alive and self-aware. I remember saying to myself i light bulb eureka moment: "This is what God is. This is what the church is. This is what Jesus and religion is trying to get at or explain, but just in a crude or low-resolution way."
3) One of the handful of times I smoked it, I was in the MWL parking lot looking up at Willow and across the street to Scheman and Stephen's. It was night. The lights inside the dorms of Willow were flipping on and off in a very purposeful and intentional way. Like a light show everyone was in on, and it conveyed a sense of wonder but also dread in me for some reason. It was beautiful to see but also terrifying. Because it was real and I'm not as alone inside my head as I think I am. Everyone can see everyone at the end of it all no matter how hard we try to hide the parts of ourselves we want to hide.
4) I saw myself, but in a form I can only convey as resembling some sort of Hindu God split apart into component fibers. And my arms brushed over everything and bristles everything it touched. All i remember about how I felt was it was not cool to see this. Like it existed before I was born and was always meant to do what it was gonna do and it was out of my control? Something like that.
5) I "saw" time. Don't ask me to describe that one. It was crazy.