Slow transition into boring adulthood

[SoapyCy]

When we are 18, 21, or even 25 we say we won't stop having fun, going out, etc. Since I've turned 30 I've realized I enjoy things I did not enjoy 10 years ago and I despise a lot of things 21 year olds do. I still go out a lot (we actually go out a lot more than most people out age - close down the bars, too!) but it seems like life has transitioned into wine parties and whatnot. We are probably on the "more fun" side of being 30 as most people we know stay home and watch movies or "Have to get up early to exercise!!11!!1"

If you are 30 or older I'm sure you have noticed it too. Is there a specific point in time where you said "I'm going to be ____" or was it a slow, gradual slide. I am trying to figure out why we change and what specifically makes us change. I'm not just talking about drinking, but likes, participation in various activities, etc. We don't have kids.

 

[Cyclone1985]

Hangovers suck so much more when you actually have things that need done the following day.

 

[klamath632]

I'm not complaining about being boring. I actually have money now. I don't have to actually go out and do things anymore-- just knowing that I can do whatever I want is enough satisfaction for me. Occasionally I'll actually do the thing.

 

[Mr Janny]

When we are 18, 21, or even 25 we say we won't stop having fun, going out, etc. Since I've turned 30 I've realized I enjoy things I did not enjoy 10 years ago and I despise a lot of things 21 year olds do. I still go out a lot (we actually go out a lot more than most people out age - close down the bars, too!) but it seems like life has transitioned into win parties and whatnot. We are probably on the "more fun" side of being 30 as most people we know stay home and watch movies or "Have to get up early to exercise!!11!!1"

If you are 30 or older I'm sure you have noticed it too. Is there a specific point in time where you said "I'm going to be ____" or was it a slow, gradual slide. I am trying to figure out why we change and what specifically makes us change. I'm not just talking about drinking, but likes, participation in various activities, etc.

having kids makes a huge difference. If having kids does not slow down your social life or change your habits, then you're not doing it right.

Louis C.K. does a great bit about putting your kids in the car, and how the 7 seconds of peace between when you close the child's door, and walk around the car to open your own door, is better than any vacation you've ever had.

 

[Clonefan94]

Slow gradual slide, sped up by kids. It's not that kids make you old right away, it's just that you end up doing so much for them, that coming home and sitting in front of the TV doing nothing sounds like a lot better proposition than going out and lighting it up a bit. Sports practices, games, always running around, how do I get them fed as well, getting them to school on time before I head to work. It just makes it so that you have to look at the trade offs. I do miss being able to go out regularly, but it's just not as nice as a quiet evening at home when you can just enjoy the family as a family and hang out together.

I have to admit though, the one thing I loved to do at 21 that you couldn't pay me to do now is go to a music festival. I loved the all-weekend party atmosphere, but now it just looks like a nightmare to me.

 

[oldman]

I'm with Janny on this. I partied till I was 31. Got married. Had a baby girl 11 months later. Party over.

 

[Al_4_State]

The older I get, the more I find I prefer doing things than having things. I guess I've kind of always been that way, but it was more of an innate thing that I had never fully identified. It seems to me that most people pursue careers and better themselves financially in order to have nicer things, but I'm more interested in a level of financial freedom that allows me to do the things I want to do and have the experiences I want to have.

I do notice that a lot of people tend to think that once they reach a certain age, there are certain things they need to start doing, or stop doing, and that seems like a foreign concept to me. I hear people say things like "I'm too old to stay on someone's couch for a night, I need to be renting a hotel room". I think that's silly. If you don't enjoy staying at a friend's place when you're out of town, and prefer a hotel room, that's fine. But this idea that reaching an arbitrary point in lifespan dictates behavior is a silly one as far as I'm concerned.

I think life circumstances and your personal desires should dictate behavior more than some arbitrary external expectation.

 

[SoapyCy]

I have to admit though, the one thing I loved to do at 21 that you couldn't pay me to do now is go to a music festival. I loved the all-weekend party atmosphere, but now it just looks like a nightmare to me.

we don't have kids. none of our friends have kids.

my questions hits to your thought. what specifically changed your view on music festivals? was there a specific moment when you changed views or was it a slow gradual change?

 

[mj4cy]

We just trade off going to each others' houses now that most of our friends and us have friends.

Also, we prefer to order food in rather than eat in a restaurant (a 2 year old doesn't last that long).

I haven't been to a movie theatre since summer of 2011.

We do weekend trips now that are primarily in the midwest.

I can't eat like I used to in college....I feel sick if I don't balance my meals somewhat.

 

[CloneIce]

Hangovers suck so much more when you actually have things that need done the following day.

Nailed it! I still love to party and still do, probably more than most people my age with my work schedule (though no kids gives me alot more time to go out than many of my buddies). But I don't like to get nearly as drunk when I go out since hangovers can last multiple days now. And during the week I almost always have meetings in the morning so I can't just say screw it and come to work late or call in. So I like to hava few beers or red wine much more than taking shots of jaeger all night and drinking an 18 pack. The other thing I notice is wanting to actually relax on the weekend instead of going crazy. Being tired out and wanting to just grill out and have a beer or two on Friday so I can feel good on Saturday instead of closing down the bar.

I'd say its more of a slow gradual slide. Also still love playing sports but get a lot more sore and more injury prone as I get older, plus the accumulation of sports injuries when younger.

 

[MNCyGuy]

having kids makes a huge difference. If having kids does not slow down your social life or change your habits, then you're not doing it right.

Louis C.K. does a great bit about putting your kids in the car, and how the 7 seconds of peace between when you close the child's door, and walk around the car to open your own door, is better than any vacation you've ever had.

My son was born in May 2012. Do you know how much more I love making a quick run to the grocery store now than I did two years ago?

 

[Clonefan32]

Hangovers suck so much more when you actually have things that need done the following day.

This is exactly when it happened for me. I've reached a point where when I've drank a decent amount I begin to ask myself if the hangover will be worth it if I continue to drink. Kind of a law of diminishing returns type thing. That voice didn't exist earlier in my life.

Things came to a "T" with me a few days after my son was born. My sister's wedding was 4 days after my second child's birth. I had quite a bit to drink at the wedding, much more than I had planned on at least. Nothing makes you swear to limit your drinking quite like a screaming newborn at 2:00 A.M., or the scorn of your wife when you refuse to help with a baby while dealing with an epic hangover.

 

[LindenCy]

I think part of it also (in addition to the great points raised already) is that it is hard to find friends to do some of the same things anymore. I still am ready to go out and toss a football around almost anytime and hang, but good luck finding others to do it consistently.

 

[Clonefan32]

My son was born in May 2012. Do you know how much more I love making a quick run to the grocery store now than I did two years ago?

I had to drive from Des Moines to Prairie du Chien for work on Friday. Having a 3 year old and a 4 month old, I have never enjoyed driving a car so much in my life. There was a good hour and a half I turned the radio off and just drove in silence.

 

[cdnlngld]

It's called growing up. It happens to all(well most of) us. I think once you have a serious relationship(get married) the bar or the "hunt" is over and there goes the bar scene. Mr. Janny is right, once you have kids Doing things for yourself takes a backseat, and it becomes more about seeing the world through your kids eyes. Sure, you have to take breaks and do things for yourself/wife every now and again, but largely, your world starts to revolve around them. It's kind of funny how things change as the number of kids grows. from 1 to 2 things get much harder... add the third, really not much worse. Then you add the fourth and things get exponentially harder. Add the fifth, not a big deal.

In many ways having kids lets me relive my own childhood. I get to experience all of the firsts again vicariously through my kids... and what's best I get to guide them through ithings, instead of stumble through things like I felt I did as a kid.

 

[mj4cy]

I think part of it also (in addition to the great points raised already) is that it is hard to find friends to do some of the same things anymore. I still am ready to go out and toss a football around almost anytime and hang, but good luck finding others to do it consistently.

Exactly. same with frisbee golfing

 

[Al_4_State]

We just trade off going to each others' houses now that most of our friends and us have friends.

Also, we prefer to order food in rather than eat in a restaurant (a 2 year old doesn't last that long).

I haven't been to a movie theatre since summer of 2011.

We do weekend trips now that are primarily in the midwest.

I can't eat like I used to in college....I feel sick if I don't balance my meals somewhat.

That's something I've noticed with myself. I definitely have to keep a certain balance of foods, and need to maintain a pretty steady fiber intake. The more consistent my diet during the week, the happier my body is.

 

[Clonefan94]

we don't have kids. none of our friends have kids.

my questions hits to your thought. what specifically changed your view on music festivals? was there a specific moment when you changed views or was it a slow gradual change?

It was slow and gradual. Like I said, my life is so busy now, that a music festival isn't a relaxing thing. It would be a lot of work to get there, stay there and by doing that, it would impact things I had to get done at home and around the house, so therefore making more work for me.

I still did those kinds of things when we had kids. Heck we had season tickets and brought our kids back from the Chicago area to every home game from 2003 - 2006. So it definitely wasn't like a switch that got flipped. It was just a matter of realizing that with everything else I have going on, music festival type stuff just didn't pay me back like a nice relaxing weekend at home.

Just for reference, I am 43, but by my mid 30s, I was noticing that I was starting to prefer relaxing at home to really going out and doing a lot of stuff. Especially when the kids got to sports ages though, things moved pretty quickly to boring middle age. It just seems like we are already always doing stuff. Tournaments on weekends, practices during the week. The rarity is sitting home and relaxing, so that's usually what I chose to do now.

Over all, on the music festival, or even concerts for that matter. Last show I really geared up for was a Radiohead show I went to back in 2006 (maybe 2007) Took a ton of work to get the tickets, was a crazy madhouse when we got to the theater. And I had a bunch of kids around me wanting me to buy them beer and asking if they could get a hit off of my friend's joint. I'm a pretty responsible person and I couldn't help but think how ****** I'd be at me if I were those kids' parents. I guess I just feel like a creepy old man at that stuff now. Even though I'm not giving into their wishes, I feel I'm out of place. I had my time, now it's theirs and I'm sure they'd rather not have this creepy old guy there cramping their style.

 

[Wesley]

I'm with Janny on this. I partied till I was 31. Got married. Had a baby girl 11 months later. Party over forever.

FIFY.

 

[Mr Janny]

My son was born in May 2012. Do you know how much more I love making a quick run to the grocery store now than I did two years ago?

Oh man, 100% this. used to be, if we needed something from the store, my wife and I would fight about who had to go out and get it. Now we fight over who gets to go out and get it.