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  1. #1
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    Who's killed a cell phone?

    Who's killed their phone in an embarrassing fashion? I've actually done it twice now. The first time, I had it between my ear and shoulder listening to messages as I was brushing my teeth, then "plop!" it slipped into the toilet. Now, after last night, I have a better one. I was eatin soup for supper, and I decided to open my phone to see what time it was, and as I picked it up, it slipped into the bowl of soup. Now I have a noodle lodged in the charging receiver, and it won't turn on. Man, cream of mushroom is more dangerous than I originally thought.


    "Seven minutes to glory."

  2. #2
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    I got ****** off once and threw it against a brick wall. I've come close to dropping mine in a toliet, but luckily I haven't.



  3. #3
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclone62 View Post
    noodle lodged in the charging receiver. . . cream of mushroom
    I'm more curious as to why there are noodles in your cream of mushroom soup??? Were they doing the backstroke?



  4. #4
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    I put hard noodles in there because I love me some noodles.


    "Seven minutes to glory."

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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    I haven't actually killed a cell phone, but I did drop it mine in a glass of water once. I quickly got it out of the water, turned the phone off, and removed the battery.

    I was working a tech support job at the time and was on-call about a half hour after this happened. I jumped in the car, and was driving to US Cellular to get a replacement. On the way to the US Cellular, I stuck my phone on top of the defroster, and cranked it for the 15 minute drive there. By the time I got to the store, my phone was dried out and worked after I put the battery back on.



  6. #6
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    It wasn't my cell phone, but I did manage to run over one. I was driving over to my girlfriend's house after it had just gotten dark out, and as I was turning onto another street, I noticed a slight glimmer on the road. A second later, there was a large "POP!"

    Just to make sure it wasn't anything wrong with my car, I got out to see what was the matter. I noticed several bits of a nice cell phone that had now been scattered across the road. I took the pieces with me and looked up the cell phone online. Turned out to be a $300 phone.


    Go Sssssssssyclones!

  7. #7
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    Beware the water. Do not drink the water. Do not dunk the cell either.


    Let my Fred's Posse Ride: Georges, Naz, Hogue, Bryce, Nader, Monte, Matt, and McKay.

  8. #8
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    Dropped one in fountain here on Simpsons campus, don't ask how, i couldn't ever manage it again. The second got left in Europe, I think in Nice, France... although I'm not entirely sure. Now I've got a Blackberry, much better cell phone, so I can't have any more cell-disasters!



  9. #9
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    My kid had one stolen from his lunch table at restaurant on top of the World trade Center one week before 911. Spooky.


    Let my Fred's Posse Ride: Georges, Naz, Hogue, Bryce, Nader, Monte, Matt, and McKay.

  10. #10
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    Jumped into the lake with phone in pocket many, many times.

    Alcohol was never involved

    Because of this, I highly recommend T-Mobile. Haven't paid for a phone yet. (3 in one summer!)



  11. #11
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    I have Verizon, and the only stipulation is that you can't go through more than 2 phones/year. So, I won't have to pay for this one either!


    "Seven minutes to glory."

  12. #12
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    Just ruined one yesterday! A whole bottle of Vault came open in the golf cart and covered my phone in red sticky goo. Worst part is I have never had Vault. I grabbed it b/c it was free at a 4 man best ball outing, and thought I would try it out. Now I hate Vault, I hate it soo hard. I now have a red RAZR, seems like a decent phone, better than the Kyojunker I ruined! Glad I was near the end of my contract so I could upgrade.


    Cy Created by MC Doder

  13. #13
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    --Classic Story We Had Posted When I Sold Cell Phones--
    All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with
    subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go Christmas shopping. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:
    1.Occupied.
    2.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.
    3.Poo on seat.
    4.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
    5.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.
    Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trout and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Sh1tter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.
    I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Sh1tter was blathering to Mrs. Sh1tter about the sh1tty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.
    Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall.
    The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.
    Once my *** cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.
    "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"
    Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.
    Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.
    Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.
    There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
    After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.
    As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.
    I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.



  14. #14
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    Woke the fiance up laughing at this. She is not amused by the story now but will find it laughable in the morning. Thanks for the last chuckle of the day!


    Cy Created by MC Doder

  15. #15
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    Re: Who's killed a cell phone?

    I can't decide if that was real or not Kyro. I have an inkling that was a humorous forwarded message, but, you are Taz...


    "Seven minutes to glory."

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