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  1. #1
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    Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Iowa State has been a bit of a punching bag on the internet lately, and I'm getting a little sick of it. One of the things I love about Iowa State is the fanbase's realistic expectation, general class, "honor before victory" etc. But I realized something lately. I'M not classy. I'm petty & vindictive. So this post begins a 12 part series, breaking down ISU's opponents in no particular order (well, loosely based on how strongly I dislike their team & how easy it is to make fun of them).

    I AM READY TO UNLEASH THE FURY!!! (liberal use of caps lock & poor grammar to follow)

    Ugh, Nebraska. They are the absolute worst at what they do. There is no more self-aggrandizing, arrogant, petulant football team in the NCAA (including Notre Dame). A quick rundown of their many, many failures:

    Their fans:

    Wow, you've been a season ticket holder for life? Started going to games in your mom's womb? Named your son Osborne and daughter Devaney, huh? I guess that's cool, especially since THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO IN NEBRASKA! When the choice of what to do on Saturday is go watch football or see if you can teach the cows to communicate with the corn, you're going to have a large fanbase. But look Nebraska, when you fly flags at half-mast when your football team loses a game, you have a serious problem. It's no longer a game, it's a religious cult.



    And admittedly Nebraska, you had a pretty good run in football. But how long ago was it that you could say you were truly dominant? Eight years? Wow, that kid who was born when you last contended for a national title is now in third grade. For comparison's sake, ISU also made a pretty good run at the NCAA basketball title the year before. Compare the two fanbases today. Then lock yourself in a closet and cry.

    Their mascot:

    Hands down, worst mascot(s) in the nation. 15 years ago, they decided one creepy bobblehead wasn't enough to lead the crowd in canned cheers, so they introduced an even CREEPIER prepubescent androgyne named Lil' Red. Is Nebraska trying to capture the elusive pedophile demographic?



    D'oh! That's your mascot, Nebraska!

    The arrogance:

    Oh god, the arrogance. When you fire a coaching staff that goes 9-3 and wins a bowl game, you're asking for ridicule. Many teams would kill for that season on a regular basis. But since Solich was replacing the annointed one (see photo above), annual trips to January bowl games just don't cut it. You'd think the Callahan calamity would bring the Huskers back to earth. Nope.

    Running up the score:

    Tom Osborne, what happened to you as a small child? Did your dad punch you in the head repeatedly when you lost a game of foursquare? Did your mom withhold food for a week after you got a B- on a report card? WHY THE HATE FOR THE OPPONENT? Obviously Tom used football to work out some deeply repressed issues, and felt the need to keep firing touchdown bombs when the score is 73-10. This is what sociopaths do.

    The current coach:

    Look, much has been made of the fact that Bo Pelini has some simian qualities. I'm not here to make fun of Pelini for looking like a baboon.. Genetics are funny like that, and everyone is stuck with the face they're born with. But Pelini is stupid not to use this to his advantage. How much more fired up would the Huskers be if his pregame speech was 15 minutes of nothing but guttural shouts, chest thumping, and feces-flinging? Hell, for all I know, it already is.



    "I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!"

    Of course, there's so much more to make fun of Nebraska about, this is just a hate-filled start.

    Tomorrow: Kansas State


    Last edited by sdillon500; 08-27-2009 at 12:48 AM.
    www.widerightnattylite.com/ - All the news on the team that gives you fits

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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    This thread = win.


    Green hills for thy throne, and for crown a golden melody/Ringing in the hearts of all who bring thee love and loyalty/Dear Alma Mater, make our spirits great
    True and valiant like the bells of I-O-WA STATE!

    And thank you Stumpy for this:

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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    i like where this is going...



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Well done



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Funny stuff. I needed that this morning.



    2009 FLHR - Vivid Black


    I don't sweat the petty things,... I pet the sweaty things

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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Great post. Made my day.


    Live for yourself, your family, your friends then your job!!!

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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Maybe the coolest post I have ever seen. Well played.



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    This guys blog is hilarious and definitely a good read if want to see Husker Nation as it really is...a nice addition to this Thread.


    Behind enemy lines - A Huskerh8er's view of the world



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Thank you for confirming all the little things that have led me to hate the Huskers over the years.



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Excellent: I can't wait for Texas/(queer state). I'll be sure to post a link on Barking Carnival. Nicely done!



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    This thread isn't complete without a posting of my favorite picture.

    Yes that is St. Tom of the Prairie dressed up in a fairy costume, and some of you think Jamie is an attention whore.

    Google Image Result for http://www.jerrypettit.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/10/aksarbencoronation.jpg
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Click image for larger version. 

Name:	osbornefrilly.jpg 
Views:	25 
Size:	13.9 KB 
ID:	5794  



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    I will be the first to admit that I don't hate Nebraska as much as a lot of my fellow ISU fans to. Still a great post that obviously took some time. I can't wait to read the K-State post, that is the team I wish would vanish from the planet.



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Quote Originally Posted by sdillon500 View Post
    Obviously Tom used football to work out some deeply repressed issues, and felt the need to keep firing touchdown bombs when the score is 73-10. This is what sociopaths do.
    I was at that game in Lincoln. Had a sideline pass. When they started throwing the ball in the second half the security guard standing by us said, "Looks like we are trying to keep the score down, we've started passing the ball"....and he was serious.



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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Nice. This will be fun.


    Since we are an elite team now, let's go get that One Cyclone Moment.
    Make this one for the ages!




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    Re: Big XII Haterade: Nebraska edition

    Quote Originally Posted by delt4cy View Post
    Excellent: I can't wait for Texas/(queer state). I'll be sure to post a link on Barking Carnival. Nicely done!
    That ISU writeup on Barking Carnival was definitely the tipping point. Obviously, with Iowa State's recent history, there's not going to be a lot of respect coming this way. But it's so aggravating to hear the same insults over & over again. If you're going to make fun of the Cyclone's, at least keep it fresh.

    And I'm definitely not above tearing other teams down to make myself feel better about the condition of Iowa State's football program.


    www.widerightnattylite.com/ - All the news on the team that gives you fits

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