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  1. #1
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    Ectopic Pregnancy

    First off, I have an account here, but I started a new account for this topic to retain my anonymity.

    Random note: "isu" is not a taken username, funny enough.

    Just found out today that my wife had an ectopic pregnancy. Basically, from what I understand, it means the egg has been fertilized in some place outside the uterus, usually the fallopian tubes. I'm 28, she's 26, been married for about a year, and we are not at all planning on a pregnancy. She has always been on birth control, but we haven't used condoms, and obviously the birth control failed.

    She hadn't been feeling normal, and got checked out, which is how we found this out. At this point, the only option is to go through certain procedures which terminate the pregnancy, otherwise it could potentially threaten her life.

    It's a tough deal for us to go through. We had/have no intentions of being pregnant at this point. But still, it's an emotional thing. (at least I'm fertile!) Like I told her, we didn't really make any decisions on it, it is what it is. But it's still emotional toiling.

    Sorry for the long rant, but anybody gone through this before? Any advice? I'm trying to be supportive as best I can, but it's hard for me to tell. Is this a big deal? Or is this just something that happens?



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    That certainly is a tough one, sorry to hear it.

    I personally have not been in this sort of situation before, so I won't pretend to know how it feels.


    Last edited by isucyfan; 05-02-2009 at 01:25 AM. Reason: No abortion debate on CF

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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    What does your doc say?

    I looked into it "back in the day" and it was extremely high risk for both mother and child with 70s technology. Basically, what would happen is that the circulatory system that the woman's body would build to nourish the baby made it so the baby couldn't be removed without permanent and even fatal damage to the woman.

    I "think" I've heard of a procedure to remove the fetus early and transplant it back where it belongs, but I bet your doc can do a better job of informing you than some schmoe like me. This is definitely not the time or place for "statements" and I pray you and your wife are safe and emotionally ok with whatever you decide.


    Last edited by Phaedrus; 05-02-2009 at 01:08 AM.
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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    I'm no medical doctor, so I don't now how often this sort of thing happens, but even if it is relatively common, that certainly doesn't make it any less of a big deal.



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    Quote Originally Posted by Phaedrus View Post
    What does your doc say?

    I looked into it "back in the day" and it was extremely high risk for both mother and child with 70s technology. Basically, what would happen is that the circulatory system that the woman's body would build to nourish the baby made it so the baby couldn't be removed without permanent and even fatal damage to the woman.

    I "think" I've heard of a procedure to remove the fetus early and transplant it back where it belongs, but I bet your doc can do a better job of informing you than some schmoe like me. This is definitely not the time or place for "statements" and I pray you and your wife are safe and emotionally ok with whatever you decide.
    That's the thing...

    Anything other than "taking care of it" would result in substantial risk to her life, bottom line. There really is no other option, and from what the doc said, there really is no decision.

    It's just surreal, her unexpectedly pregnant, yet ended. Sort of a relief, as we aren't planning on children at this point. But there's sort of a guilt along with that, even though we didn't make a decision in the matter....



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    I'm sorry. I've never been through what must be such an agonizing thing. Can they at least save your wife, with minimum risk?

    I don't know enough about this, other than my initial research, but this issue just strikes right at the core of all my fears, as a man who loves his wife and children.

    Prayers to you and your wife.


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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    Quote Originally Posted by Phaedrus View Post
    I'm sorry. I've never been through what must be such an agonizing thing. Can they at least save your wife, with minimum risk?

    I don't know enough about this, other than my initial research, but this issue just strikes right at the core of all my fears, as a man who loves his wife and children.

    Prayers to you and your wife.
    Honestly, it seems a fairly easy thing. They basically administer a shot and pills that pretty much reject everything inside. Along with that comes 24-48 hrs of physical illness. After that, pretty easy, back to normal pretty much. More than anything it's emotional more than physical. Obviously I'm trying to be as supportive as possible.

    Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. A couple days ago I wouldn't have imagined this. Again, I feel like it's something that maybe should/could be a big deal, but then again, maybe not?



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    We went through the same situation about 4 years ago. It can quickly become a pretty serious situation because it is implanted in the wrong place and grows rapidly. And from what my wife said is pretty painful.

    It's not any fun at all. I wish you the best.



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    We have friends who really struggled to get pregnant. It seemed almost every time they did it ended up being a fallopian attachment. It was hard on them. Yet, they have both grown from it. If you want to talk with them or your wife to her pm me.


    I'll pray for you both.



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    If there's a safe way now to move the child and re-implant it that's awesome!!



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    I know my mother-in-law went through this years ago, and it was very hard. Terminating the pregnancy is really the only option as far as I know. Physically at least, it's not a big deal if it's done early. Emotionally, it's another matter. Good luck.



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    Twice, first time we were preparing for invitro and my wife tested pregnant, called Iowa City and were told highly unlikely to be a normal pregnancy and to come to the hospital first thing next morning and if their was any pain that night to get to an ER ASAP. They were prepping for surgury when test results showed that it had "resolved" itself. Second time was after our second invitro attempt and used drugs to "treat" the issue.

    First episode was similiar to your situation except we wanted a baby. Just move forward. Second was the end of our hopes for a baby, twelve years and I have never really gotton over it, I wouldn't even look at adoption. Grieve and move on that's all anyone can do when life throws us a curve.



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    we went through it while trying for our 2nd child. You really have no choice and have to terminate. We caught ours early and it was done with drugs not surgery.



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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    Quote Originally Posted by isuisuisu View Post
    That's the thing...

    Anything other than "taking care of it" would result in substantial risk to her life, bottom line. There really is no other option, and from what the doc said, there really is no decision.

    It's just surreal, her unexpectedly pregnant, yet ended. Sort of a relief, as we aren't planning on children at this point. But there's sort of a guilt along with that, even though we didn't make a decision in the matter....
    By substantial risk you mean 100% chance of death because that is what will happen. We had the opposite problem we had to go way above and beyond to have kids. Take solace in that fact that both of you are healthy and you will be able to have kids on your schedule.


    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. - Benjamin Franklin 1775

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    Re: Ectopic Pregnancy

    During my junior year at ISU my wife had a miscarriage. It would have been our second child, but we weren't trying to have another. I went through some of the same things you seem to be thinking about. I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about it, and I felt guilty that it wasn't as big an emotional issue to me as it was to my wife. Bottom line is that it's going to be tougher for her and you just need to be there. Getting away for a weekend and spending some extra time together to reinforce the fact that you still have each other might not hurt either. Time is the only thing that is going to make it any easier.



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