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Thread: Birds & Bees

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    Birds & Bees

    Ok, so I have an agreement with my little dude (almost 11 yrs old) that I will honestly answer any question that comes to his mind to ask.

    Yesterday he asked me what a "ho" was (as sang by the Beastie Boys in No Sleep Til Brooklyn). In the process of explaining, the questions continued until he had the full story of the birds and bees. He was suitably revolted at the prospect. I think it was a good talk, and I guess if he was asking, he was ready to be told.

    Somehow, this talk came before the Santa Claus talk. Don't ask me why, it just never happened. Pretty sure he figured that one out on his own, but he is still playing along with the charade.

    Now if you will excuse me, I think I have an appointment to be inducted into a special wing at the Parenting Hall of Shame



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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Let me get this straight. So your little dude is going to believe that if he behaves in HS, that Santa will bring him a girlfriend?


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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclonepride View Post
    Ok, so I have an agreement with my little dude (almost 11 yrs old) that I will honestly answer any question that comes to his mind to ask.

    Yesterday he asked me what a "ho" was (as sang by the Beastie Boys in No Sleep Til Brooklyn). In the process of explaining, the questions continued until he had the full story of the birds and bees. He was suitably revolted at the prospect. I think it was a good talk, and I guess if he was asking, he was ready to be told.

    Somehow, this talk came before the Santa Claus talk. Don't ask me why, it just never happened. Pretty sure he figured that one out on his own, but he is still playing along with the charade.

    Now if you will excuse me, I think I have an appointment to be inducted into a special wing at the Parenting Hall of Shame
    This is an awesome parenting story! I think I would've lost it when the little guy comes up and asks "Daddy, what's a ho?"


    Yep, this thread has just been pwned.

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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclone62 View Post
    Let me get this straight. So your little dude is going to believe that if he behaves in HS, that Santa will bring him a girlfriend?
    Of course not, Santa is going to being him a ho!



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    Re: Birds & Bees

    It's a garden tool.



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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by rhillary View Post
    This is an awesome parenting story! I think I would've lost it when the little guy comes up and asks "Daddy, what's a ho?"
    Yeah, I came pretty close. Luckily, we had just arrived at the gym to play basketball, and were getting out of the car. The cold air may have saved me. I just told him I would explain later after I had time to gather my thoughts.



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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclonepride View Post
    Yeah, I came pretty close. Luckily, we had just arrived at the gym to play basketball, and were getting out of the car. The cold air may have saved me. I just told him I would explain later after I had time to gather my thoughts.
    I think there is a Ludacris song out there that covers this conversation pretty nicely.


    Yep, this thread has just been pwned.

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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Just have him listen to this. Otherwise he probably has a decent idea of what happens already anyways. Just keep it simple and have him ask questions and keep it from getting awkward.


    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A81fwLNklSM]YouTube - Starland Vocal Band Afternoon Delight[/ame]


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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by ripvdub View Post
    Just have him listen to this. Otherwise he probably has a decent idea of what happens already anyways. Just keep it simple and have him ask questions and keep it from getting awkward.


    YouTube - Starland Vocal Band Afternoon Delight
    Somehow I think that might have made it more awkward. I think it actually went pretty well, and didn't seem real uncomfortable. Much different than my "talk" with my dad. That came along at about 16, and as soon as he started talking, I knew where he was going and assured him that I had all the information I needed.



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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Show him this:

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwrUGXjLIo8]YouTube - Caliendo as John Madden in "The Birds and the Bees"[/ame]


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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Maybe he wasn't actually asking about the birds and the bees at all, and was trying to sort out the Santa business. Maybe he was just skeptical of the big guy saying "ho ho ho", and he wanted to know what that was all about.

    In short, respectfully, I think you've made things worse. Your son now thinks Santa's a pimp.


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    Re: Birds & Bees

    My Dad's sex talk was pretty simple. Keep the banana out of the freezer and it won't get hard. Dad was a man of few words.


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    GC, he's obviously all man. And I don't think Ellen would go *****, even for GC...

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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by ripvdub View Post
    Just have him listen to this. Otherwise he probably has a decent idea of what happens already anyways. Just keep it simple and have him ask questions and keep it from getting awkward.


    YouTube - Starland Vocal Band Afternoon Delight
    Somebody has been listening to the Dan Patrick show...



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    Re: Birds & Bees

    My sister's fiance says his dad's sex talk went something like this...

    "So...sex and that. Has your mom talked to you about that?"

    "Yeah."

    "Good!"




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    Re: Birds & Bees

    Quote Originally Posted by rhillary View Post
    I think there is a Ludacris song out there that covers this conversation pretty nicely.
    You can't turn a ho into a housewife. Ho's don't act right.

    or there's always Eddie Murphy's SNL skit... so you wanna be a ho?



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