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Thread: Why not Jesus?

  1. #1
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    Why not Jesus?

    He'd be a great coach.

    He is the only one I know of who can actually walk on water, heal the lame, give sight to the blind and cast out the wicked who argue against a team chaplain only because they don't have one or want one. Everyone wants to push their beliefs on everyone - ESPECIALLY unbelievers. The nerve of those heathen!

    Could you imagine the new coach introduction? No more smoke and mirrors, he just calls all the injured football players up to the front and heals them right then and there.

    Even better, he NEVER LOSES! One time, the Devil thought he had him right where he wanted him for the biggest game of the universe and BAM! Jesus pulls a Hail Mary and game winning score baby!

    Recruiting would be a nightmare....as in having to beat off everyone that didn't make the cut with sticks. They'd have to start handing out Baskin Robins number served tickets and have boxes of tissues and grief counselors on hand for those who didn't get chosen.

    Jesus would need armed guards wherever....we not really, he can take care of himself. Him and the eloihim - that's the angel enforcers for all you pagans out there.

    He could finally demand justice for the Jack Trice family and see that the scales of justice were restored and ISU football is forgiven by the Trice family.

    ISU athletics would instantly be more famous than all celebrities, musicians, religions, politicians and mere football programs combined overnight.

    The only downside may be the sacrifice required to be on the team may be more than the recruits parents are willing to give up. The players would have no problem with giving their lives for a bigger cause I'm sure, but the parents would be protective of their sons. I also believe He frowns on gratuitous violence. Especially when done so soley for entertainment. See Roman Ampitheatre for further reseach.

    It is rumored that you really don't want to see him angry....ever, so be respectful of my coaching selection.

    He is the man. Literally. In fact, he actually called himself "the Son of MAN". Really. You can look it up if you like....


    Last edited by ShopTalk; 12-17-2008 at 11:26 PM.

  2. #2
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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    I think he already has a better job.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    No recruiting connections in Texas...


    Yeah well, ya know, that's just, like uh, your opinion, man.

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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Only problem there is that when Jesus comes back... we aren't going to be worrying about football anymore!



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    You got any of that stuff left to pass around, man?



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Way too positive, can spin water into wine and old scriptures state that he may have clapped too much.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Yeah... I heard His offense is still stuck in the stone ages for the most part. I couldn't stand watching that every game.


    Also, to turn this political, separation of church and state. Can't bring religion into the schools. Regents would block that hire. Not to mention all the liberals that are suppose to represent the people.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Quote Originally Posted by cyclonekj View Post
    No recruiting connections in Texas...
    I'm in Texas and since I recommended him for the job, you'll just have to trust me when I say "He's connected".



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Quote Originally Posted by LindenCy View Post
    I think he already has a better job.
    What job could be better than head coach as ISU? Savior of the world is easy in comparison.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Sandals aren't good on turf.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Quote Originally Posted by isucyfan View Post
    Sandals aren't good on turf.
    This is true, even just walking around. Made that mistake at Valley Stadium once...never again.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    No head coaching experience.



  13. #13
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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Quote Originally Posted by bellzisu View Post
    Yeah... I heard His offense is still stuck in the stone ages for the most part. I couldn't stand watching that every game.


    Also, to turn this political, separation of church and state. Can't bring religion into the schools. Regents would block that hire. Not to mention all the liberals that are suppose to represent the people.
    Well, last time around his game plan was to lull the opponent into a false sense of security but the word on the street is next time he's going to unleash a terrifying offensive that will be even more shocking and awe-inspiring than Auburn hiring Chizik.



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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Yeah, but if he started losing, people on here would be nailing him to a cross faster than you could get into an argument about free will vs. predestination.

    Also, he's kind of a hippie. I hate hippies.


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    Re: Why not Jesus?

    Okay, then-- Too old! Are you kidding me? Only JoePa is older.


    Yeah well, ya know, that's just, like uh, your opinion, man.

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