Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Starter
    Points: 13,581, Level: 35
    Level completed: 33%, Points required for next Level: 469
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Humboldt, IA
    Posts
    752
    Points
    13,581
    Level
    35
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    I got this from a friend who's an Aggie, but it's quite applicable to our current situation. It's pretty funny.

    I wanted to share some thoughts from the hit book "How to Handle Being The Worst Team in the Big XII South". This book, originally authored by fans of Baylor University, with foreword by Oklahoma State, has been a work in progress for 25 something years now.

    Now that we have handed that prestigious torch off to your school, and it looks like it will stay that way for quite some time, you and your Aggie friends may want to really get into this material. Here are some highlights:

    Chapter 1 - Bring up past records when discussing your program with friends. The best way to do this is to start from the present and go back through the past until you can find where you have more wins than "x" team. Inconsistencies in time frame does not matter - it can be 5 years for one team and 45 for another.

    Chapter 3 - Find other parts of your athletic program that you can be proud of and meticulously learn and promote their accomplishments, no matter how embarrassing the sport. Baylor has done this recently with women's basketball, tennis, and most notably, track and field (Olympic gold medalist anyone?). Rumor has it that your men's club lacrosse team is pretty awesome. Just throwing that out there.

    Chapter 5 - Find a couple of solid scapegoats and complain tirelessly about them. Your fan base has already advanced far in this area, with "Shermione" and "$Bill" taking the brunt of this effective relaxation technique.

    Chapter 10 - Pick a team to hate and root for their failure. For Baylor fans, this has been you, and look how well it's worked! It's like The Secret - the power of positive thinking. It's very refreshing to change the channel from a frustrating loss and watch your sworn enemy fail. You may have to really dig deep here - you want a team that is average to pretty bad. You losing and them winning is a double whammy, so don't set your sites too high (UT/Tech). Arkansas is a good start, they're down this year.

    Chapter 11 (THIS IS A BIG ONE) - Focus on moral victories. This chapter has a lot of content, so really pay attention to it. Within the umbrella of the moral victories chapter you'll find subsections such as: a) Don't pin your hopes on winning the game, pin your hopes on covering the spread. The spread is key, and beating the spread will bring you years and years of joy. b) Get excited about first downs. These may be harder to come by than you think, so really cherish them. c) Find remote stats that can highlight your improvement. Really dig into improvement. This should be a buzzword to use in the coming years.

    Chapter 12 - Talk about the other redeeming qualities of your school. This is tricky, because it's actually really dorky to engage in academic smack talk, but, if done correctly, can deflect the focus of a conversation away from your school's crappy football program and onto other areas where the playing field is more level. Now, I'm tailor making this to A&M a little here, but I would recommend you focus on your strong engineering and business school reputation, and don't forget to bring up your various traditions! People never get tired of hearing about this.

    Chapter 14** - Find another school to support on the side. This chapter is very controversial and was only added in later editions. I myself never went down this road, but several of my friends found a great deal of relaxation and comfort in finding a side school. While immediate family connections are the best (father graduated from Penn State or mom and dad met at Florida), it is also valid to dig deep into your family's history to find that great aunt that went to Alabama or that second cousin who got a masters at USC. The further away the school, the better. Claim that you have been watching them for years - especially as a little kid growing up. This helps ward off eye rolls and front-runner accusations from your friends. **Note: though highly successful, this chapter can be very dangerous, and is probably the only method that will incur hatred from fellow alumni and students. Use Chapter 14 at your own risk. Advanced students only. I'd say you'll be there en mass around 2013 - although seeing how your fan-base is bailing after 3 losing seasons out of the past 24, you may be there as early as 2010. Talk about advanced students!

    That's it folks. I'll send you a copy for free - we're so excited to share this with a team not named Baylor. And you may read this and think: wow, Baylor is pathetic. This is really sad stuff. No, no! This is you! This WAS Baylor and now IS your school! I'm talking about what you and your fan base will be and have already started saying and doing.



  2. #2
    Legend
    Points: 287,984, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    CloneAggie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,854
    Points
    287,984
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    Except we are still the Baylor of this example, not the team the guide is being handed off to.


    Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~ George Carlin

    There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life:
    The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves Orcs. ~ John Rogers

  3. #3
    Addict
    Points: 95,449, Level: 96
    Level completed: 20%, Points required for next Level: 1,601
    Overall activity: 4.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    tejasclone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    5,929
    Points
    95,449
    Level
    96
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 176
    Given: 122

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    "Shermione" is pretty clever.



  4. #4
    Addict
    Points: 91,556, Level: 94
    Level completed: 17%, Points required for next Level: 1,594
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    CYdTracked's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    8,700
    Points
    91,556
    Level
    94
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 9
    Given: 8

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    I'd say we could add a lot to Chapter 11 from posts on this board. Chapter 5 for some here would probably be titled "How Dan McCarney Wasn't That Great" and Chapter 1 would probably be for those who disagree with those writing chapter 5.


    Go Cubs Go!

  5. #5
    All-Star
    Points: 47,634, Level: 67
    Level completed: 49%, Points required for next Level: 716
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteranCreated Album pictures25000 Experience Points
    ISU_Alum_2000's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Aliso Viejo, CA
    Posts
    1,954
    Points
    47,634
    Level
    67
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    That is classic. Great find/post.

    Hopefully we can hand a copy of the North version to K-State. A victory tomorrow could put the printing presses in motion.



  6. #6
    Addict
    Points: 91,556, Level: 94
    Level completed: 17%, Points required for next Level: 1,594
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    CYdTracked's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    8,700
    Points
    91,556
    Level
    94
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 9
    Given: 8

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    Quote Originally Posted by ISU_Alum_2000 View Post
    That is classic. Great find/post.

    Hopefully we can hand a copy of the North version to K-State. A victory tomorrow could put the printing presses in motion.
    Win or lose tomorrow I'd still consider us the worst team in the Big 12 this season because tying KSU with a 1-6 conference record is still embarassing as would our 3-9 record (still worst overall in the conference) for a 2nd consecutive year. I am just not going to get excited or be happy for a moral victory or what not if we win tomorrow because we've been so pathetic all season long so it's really not going to matter consider who the opponent is. If we were knocking off a bowl bound team in the conference I'd probably be estatic but beating SDSU and a 3-8 Kent State team then add to that a 4 win KSU team just isn't a whole lot to be proud of this season. Then only thing I'll be glad about Saturday is that this train wreck season is finally over.

    Barring a complete meltdown by the BB team I'm pretty sure they can't disappoint me any more than the FB team has this season.


    Go Cubs Go!

  7. #7
    Speechless
    Points: 408,173, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 45.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialOverdriveVeteran50000 Experience Points
    Wesley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Omaha
    Posts
    61,115
    Points
    408,173
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 881
    Given: 620

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    Capter Eleven - We find solace and comfort in the basketball season when only five players are on the court for us and we can yell at the refs to influence the game. We note that we can sometimes play well at home. We can use the non conference season to pile on our foes after football is over and before the bowl season rolls. We can spend our bowl money on basketball tickets. How quickly we can forget the charade of a football season.


    Let my Fred's Posse Ride: Georges, Naz, Hogue, Bryce, Nader, Monte, Matt, and McKay.

  8. #8
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 54,016, Level: 71
    Level completed: 98%, Points required for next Level: 34
    Overall activity: 3.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central Iowa
    Posts
    4,153
    Points
    54,016
    Level
    71
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 50
    Given: 658

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    Quote Originally Posted by travman23 View Post
    I'd say we could add a lot to Chapter 11 from posts on this board. Chapter 5 for some here would probably be titled "How Dan McCarney Wasn't That Great" and Chapter 1 would probably be for those who disagree with those writing chapter 5.
    McCarney mite not have been "GREAT"...but I would love to go back to the days of 5 straight wins over Iowa and 5 bowl games in 6 years...& oh yeah Mac is the only ISU coach to win a bowl game which he did twice...

    BRING BACK THOSE DAYS ....AND SOOOOOONNNNNN!!!



  9. #9
    Legend
    Points: 140,900, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    Flag Guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    13,090
    Points
    140,900
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    Wow some of those later chapters really hit home around here


    Oh we will fight, fight, fight for Iowa State,
    and may her colors ever fly!!!
    In Accordance with Prophecy

  10. #10
    All-Star
    Points: 15,516, Level: 37
    Level completed: 84%, Points required for next Level: 134
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points
    kgreeny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,233
    Points
    15,516
    Level
    37
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 2
    Given: 1

    Re: Guide to Being at the Bottom of the Big 12 South...

    I can't wait until we can hand the book of the north down in a couple of years. Here's hoping the hand off is to Neb




    "I believe the state color for Alabama should be primer," Larry the Cable Guy.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • TV: Cyclones.tv
  • HOOPS: Iowa State vs. Mississippi Valley State
  • December 31, 2014
  • 06:00 PM