Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 22
  1. #1
    Rookie
    Points: 12,953, Level: 34
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 397
    Overall activity: 2.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    408
    Points
    12,953
    Level
    34
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1
    Given: 0

    Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Getting married this Saturday, I am trying to come up with a killer opening line for my speech. I really like

    "My speech today will be like a mini skirt, long enough to cover the essentials, and short enough to hold your attention."

    However that is what my brother used, thus is not an option. Nothing dirty but something along these lines would be great.



  2. #2
    Addict
    Points: 108,721, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    6,543
    Points
    108,721
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 192
    Given: 174

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Yours doesn't need to be much, just thank people. Leave the good stuff to the best man.


    Exaggeration is a BILLION times worse than understating.

  3. #3
    Pro
    Points: 32,778, Level: 55
    Level completed: 76%, Points required for next Level: 272
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran25000 Experience Points
    4VR4CY's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Ankeny, IA
    Posts
    3,468
    Points
    32,778
    Level
    55
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    I found these funny -
    I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black and white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off season, and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in [COLOR=#0000CC ! important][COLOR=#0000CC ! important]health[/COLOR][/COLOR], from this day forward, until death parts us, or you become a White Sox fan.


    Just in case you didn't know... I'm a girl.

  4. #4
    Speechless
    Points: 352,711, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    SocialYour first GroupVeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    isucyfan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Saint Paul, MN
    Posts
    19,870
    Points
    352,711
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 99
    Given: 2

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    How about a quote from Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary"?

    "Love: A temporary insanity, curable by marriage."


    Forever trying to find a cure for the Dunning-Kruger Effect.

  5. #5
    All-Star
    Points: 31,147, Level: 54
    Level completed: 27%, Points required for next Level: 803
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran25000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    1,865
    Points
    31,147
    Level
    54
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 34
    Given: 68

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Probably nothing suitable, but I've been having fun thinking about it...

    My speech will be like cleavage - a couple of things squeezed together that will hold your attention.

    After that ceremony, I feel like velcro panties. Ripped off and dropped on the floor in a matter of seconds.


    ISU fans are the greatest in the world. All they ask for is hope and the belief that we have a chance to win every time we step on the field - Johnny Majors (paraphrased)

    Ya gotta have the horses, man - Johnny Orr.

  6. #6
    Pro
    Points: 42,960, Level: 64
    Level completed: 1%, Points required for next Level: 1,290
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures25000 Experience Points
    clones26's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Urbandale
    Posts
    2,567
    Points
    42,960
    Level
    64
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 47
    Given: 24

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Have your wife put her hand out...then put your hand over hers (on top) and say, " I want everyone to get a good look at this because its the last time I will ever have the upper hand"

    Its funny because its true.


    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day".-Frank Sinatra


    @cyfert26 on Twitter

  7. #7
    Addict
    Points: 95,211, Level: 96
    Level completed: 9%, Points required for next Level: 1,839
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    CYdTracked's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    8,698
    Points
    95,211
    Level
    96
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 8
    Given: 8

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Two good ones...

    "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a GD magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."

    "Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through."


    Go Cubs Go!

  8. #8
    Pro Achievements:
    SocialVeteran25000 Experience Points
    CyGuy33's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    West Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    3,174
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    My buddy was the best man in a wedding, stood up and said "Wife's Name, since you're getting married today I won't need this any more" and handed her a house key. Then 10 other people proceeded to the front to hand her keys as well. The last being a female friend. It was quite humerous. However, probably won't work for the groom, unless you do it for the maid of honor


    "Profanity is the Crutch of Inarticulate Mother ****ers"
    The Wall in the Bathroom at People's

  9. #9
    Rookie Achievements:
    Veteran5000 Experience Points
    clintr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Ames, IA
    Posts
    441
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    What ever you do, don't start with the words,

    "I love scotch"

    then sway/stumble. You might lose your audience.

    I had that happen at a friends wedding... not good.



  10. #10
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 48,047, Level: 67
    Level completed: 79%, Points required for next Level: 303
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran25000 Experience Points
    Bubbahotep's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Des Moines
    Posts
    3,519
    Points
    48,047
    Level
    67
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    I've heard this before, "Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." But I don't know how good her sense of humor is.


    “There have been a lotta tough guys. There have been pretenders. And there have been contenders. But there is only one king.”

  11. #11
    Pro
    Points: 42,960, Level: 64
    Level completed: 1%, Points required for next Level: 1,290
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures25000 Experience Points
    clones26's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Urbandale
    Posts
    2,567
    Points
    42,960
    Level
    64
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 47
    Given: 24

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbahotep View Post
    I've heard this before, "Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." But I don't know how good her sense of humor is.
    Professor Wong told that joke in his MKT 340 class at ISU


    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day".-Frank Sinatra


    @cyfert26 on Twitter

  12. #12
    Starter
    Points: 17,481, Level: 40
    Level completed: 29%, Points required for next Level: 569
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    885
    Points
    17,481
    Level
    40
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Quote Originally Posted by travman23 View Post
    Two good ones...

    "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a GD magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."

    "Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through."
    I was gonna type the EXACT SAME THING!!


    "They'd write things like...Lloyd. See you around....maybe."

    --Lloyd Dobler

  13. #13
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 39,545, Level: 61
    Level completed: 39%, Points required for next Level: 805
    Overall activity: 9.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points
    cloneu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Twin Cities
    Posts
    4,215
    Points
    39,545
    Level
    61
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 45
    Given: 26

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Quote Originally Posted by clintr View Post
    What ever you do, don't start with the words,

    "I love scotch"

    then sway/stumble. You might lose your audience.

    I had that happen at a friends wedding... not good.
    Interesting, I think if I was in the audience that would actually get my attention.



  14. #14
    Pro Achievements:
    SocialVeteran25000 Experience Points
    CyGuy33's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    West Des Moines, IA
    Posts
    3,174
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    You could always start with "you think you've found true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego to find you're girlfriend...."


    I guess I was late on this one.


    "Profanity is the Crutch of Inarticulate Mother ****ers"
    The Wall in the Bathroom at People's

  15. #15
    Starter
    Points: 17,301, Level: 40
    Level completed: 7%, Points required for next Level: 749
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points
    CloneFan03's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Urbandale, IA
    Posts
    709
    Points
    17,301
    Level
    40
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 7

    Re: Opening Line for Grooms Wedding Speech

    Quote Originally Posted by CyGuy33 View Post
    My buddy was the best man in a wedding, stood up and said "Wife's Name, since you're getting married today I won't need this any more" and handed her a house key. Then 10 other people proceeded to the front to hand her keys as well. The last being a female friend. It was quite humerous. However, probably won't work for the groom, unless you do it for the maid of honor

    Saw that at one of my buddy's wedding's...Hilarious!



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • TV: TBD
  • Iowa State vs. Oklahoma
  • November 1, 2014
  • 07:00 PM