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  1. #1
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    Looking for some advice

    So I am almost 21 years old. I was adopted, and I'm trying to decide if I would like to try to find my biological parents or not... Does anyone know anything about doing it or does anyone have any advice to offer on the subject? I've been thinking about doing it for awhile, and I just want some insight if anyone knows or anything or what peoples thoughts are... Thanks everyone...



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    I'm adopted, as are my 1 brother and 2 sisters. I am not even slightly curious in contacting or finding my bio parents in any way.

    I do have a word of advice: Whether you find them or not, remember, they may not want to admit that you exist.

    Second, how you pursue finding them has great potential for absolutely DESTROYING your family. You know, the ones that raised you? My little sister did everything in her power to hurt her loving adoptive mother, because she's a spoiled little brat who is insensitive to how what she does impacts others.

    So, I won't tell you whether or not to; I'd just say that if you decide to, I'd advise you to be as sensitive to your adoptive parents' feelings as possible.


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    Re: Looking for some advice

    I am adopted as well. I am one of four children in my family all adopted. One brother and one sister have found their natural parents. Both learned things they wanted to know. My sister also learned things she didn't want to know.

    My parent's were more open to it then I ever thought. So I agree be sensitive to the situation.

    Tuff decision to make I have thougt about it for years. Good luck on what you decide to do.



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    Its extraordinarily sensitive. You ultimately have to decide if you want to pursue it. I guess it can be a good experience, but from what I have heard it is not always the best. I know someone who's biological mother came and found her and she was so unbelievably ****** she couldn't even begin to describe it. On the flip side, I know someone who's biological son came and found him after like 40 years and they have a okay relationship, nothing earth-shattering but okay. You have to remember, the biological parents may not like you contacting them also, which may be a huge understatement.

    I personally am like Phaedrus where I am not even the slightest bit curious or have any desire. My parents asked me when I turned 18 about it, and I said to them that I have parents and there's no reason to look anywhere because they're right here in front of me.



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    I was adopted also. I have no interest at all in finding my biological parents. If they didn't want me in the first place, then why should I see them now? Besides, the parents I have now are perfect.


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    Re: Looking for some advice

    I can't speak to being adopted, as I am not. However, I do know that family is about so many things besides DNA and you have all those other things with your parents and only the DNA with your biological parents. Be very careful not to hurt your family or your relationship with them which you've built over the last 2 decades.


    Yeah well, ya know, that's just, like uh, your opinion, man.

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    Re: Looking for some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by pulse View Post
    I personally am like Phaedrus where I am not even the slightest bit curious or have any desire. My parents asked me when I turned 18 about it, and I said to them that I have parents and there's no reason to look anywhere because they're right here in front of me.
    Dang, that was a wonderful way to put it, and I agree whole-heartedly with the sentiment.

    Quote Originally Posted by cyclonedave25 View Post
    I was adopted also. I have no interest at all in finding my biological parents. If they didn't want me in the first place, then why should I see them now? Besides, the parents I have now are perfect.
    I also agree that my "real" parents were awesome, but I have to give my birth-mother HUGE kudos for doing the right thing, and giving me up for adoption. I recognize that that took courage, and I admire courageous people who are willing to do hard things.

    Quote Originally Posted by cyclonekj View Post
    I can't speak to being adopted, as I am not. However, I do know that family is about so many things besides DNA and you have all those other things with your parents and only the DNA with your biological parents. Be very careful not to hurt your family or your relationship with them which you've built over the last 2 decades.
    Again. Awesome sentiments.


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    Re: Looking for some advice

    My mom told me last summer before I went to ISU that the person I've called "dad" for the last 18 years isn't actually my dad, but I have a feeling if I knew my real dad there'd be a severe beating in his future. I completely agree with the stuff above. Make sure you take care of the people who took care of you, because there was a reason they took care of you, and it was because someone else couldn't. You don't want to burn more bridges than have already been burned.



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    And if you are going to adopt, or have a situation like IcSyU's, tell your kids, straight up, from as early an age as they can comprehend what you are saying.

    Being adopted is "special" and shouldn't be a "bad surprise". Give your kids credit for that much, please!!!!


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    Re: Looking for some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Phaedrus View Post
    And if you are going to adopt, or have a situation like IcSyU's, tell your kids, straight up, from as early an age as they can comprehend what you are saying.

    Being adopted is "special" and shouldn't be a "bad surprise". Give your kids credit for that much, please!!!!
    I can't even stress that enough. There was almost a throwdown in the house when that went down.



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    thanks for everyones input... i do know that my parents said that they would be willing to help me, so that wouldnt be the issue... the issue im having is would it make my life really complicated or not?? i mean, i have it very good... my life is wonderful!! i just have been kinda considering it for a few years and am really thinking harder about it as i approach 21...



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    I would think medical history would be important to know.


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    Re: Looking for some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Wesley View Post
    I would think medical history would be important to know.
    I do know that there is no medical history... If there is, we are suppose to be informed...



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    Re: Looking for some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Wesley View Post
    I would think medical history would be important to know.
    Actually, less important than you'd think....

    The great majority of people who are "at risk" because of genetic predisposition do nothing about it, while those who take care of themselves, don't need to know their medical history to "do the right thing...."


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    Re: Looking for some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by im4iast8 View Post
    thanks for everyones input... i do know that my parents said that they would be willing to help me, so that wouldnt be the issue... the issue im having is would it make my life really complicated or not?? i mean, i have it very good... my life is wonderful!! i just have been kinda considering it for a few years and am really thinking harder about it as i approach 21...
    First thing to remember: Your bio parents are complete strangers. I see know reason for you to feel obligated, or to attempt to form a "second family" with those strangers. That would just be too weird, to me.


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