Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 53
  1. #1
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 48,008, Level: 67
    Level completed: 76%, Points required for next Level: 342
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    GoSTATE71's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    3,722
    Points
    48,008
    Level
    67
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 49
    Given: 10

    Need some advice on a relationship

    Hey all,

    Just wondering if anyone could shed some wisdom and advice on a dating situation I'm currently in. Basically, I've been seeing this girl seriously for close to a year now and she recently informed me that she used to have a serious drug problem but has since been clean for 4 years, and she has a masters in nursing now, works hard and from what I can tell, is a completely different person. Our relationship is fantastic, loving and a ton of fun and we get along great and have had no major arguments or fights to date. Now, what bugs me is that it took awhile for her to tell me. When I asked why she never told me she admitted that it was a long time ago and thought that I might judge her harshly for it or think differently of her and was scared it might mess up our relationship. We have since talked about it and I do feel somewhat better but is this a red flag I'm being oblivious to? Like I said, its been a great relationship but its starting to get more serious now and I just thought I'd get some advice before it goes further. Thanks!



  2. #2
    Pro
    Points: 39,725, Level: 61
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 625
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points
    CycloneNorth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Clarksville, TN
    Posts
    2,125
    Points
    39,725
    Level
    61
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 38
    Given: 13

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Pics?


    Keepers of the Faith -- Member

    Keepers of the Faith is an alliance for those who are excited, enthusiastic, and optimistic about the direction of our men's basketball program. We reject the notion that one bad loss can derail the incredible progress of the past three years. To join, put this in your signature.

  3. #3
    Speechless
    Points: 234,813, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 99.8%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience PointsOverdrive
    cyrocksmypants's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Honolulu, HI
    Posts
    25,964
    Points
    234,813
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 11,114
    Given: 735

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    No. If she's four years clean, obviously people can always backslide, but I don't see it being a red flag for anything. It sounds like she's worked very hard to straighten herself out, and some people are just very ashamed of their past, even if we don't feel it's something to be ashamed of. Care about who she is now, don't worry about what she was or the fact she was too embarrassed to say.



  4. #4
    Pro
    Points: 47,550, Level: 67
    Level completed: 43%, Points required for next Level: 800
    Overall activity: 16.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    3,116
    Points
    47,550
    Level
    67
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,285
    Given: 1,139

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    What drugs are we talking about?



  5. #5
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 59,983, Level: 75
    Level completed: 96%, Points required for next Level: 67
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    benjay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,985
    Points
    59,983
    Level
    75
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 403
    Given: 61

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    don't judge



  6. #6
    Addict
    Points: 90,514, Level: 93
    Level completed: 62%, Points required for next Level: 736
    Overall activity: 40.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    Cyclones_R_GR8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Omaha
    Posts
    5,310
    Points
    90,514
    Level
    93
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,305
    Given: 2,248

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Telling someone you had a drug problem isn't going to be the easiest thing in the world to do. She has probably gotten to the point where she feels this relationship is serious enough that she feels secure enough to tell you. If everything else is going well, let the past stay in the past.



  7. #7
    Speechless
    Points: 370,933, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 20.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsSocialOverdriveVeteran
    CyArob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    MN
    Posts
    23,092
    Points
    370,933
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 9,072
    Given: 5,194

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by GoSTATE71 View Post
    Hey all,

    Just wondering if anyone could shed some wisdom and advice on a dating situation I'm currently in. Basically, I've been seeing this girl seriously for close to a year now and she recently informed me that she used to have a serious drug problem but has since been clean for 4 years, and she has a masters in nursing now, works hard and from what I can tell, is a completely different person. Our relationship is fantastic, loving and a ton of fun and we get along great and have had no major arguments or fights to date. Now, what bugs me is that it took awhile for her to tell me. When I asked why she never told me she admitted that it was a long time ago and thought that I might judge her harshly for it or think differently of her and was scared it might mess up our relationship. We have since talked about it and I do feel somewhat better but is this a red flag I'm being oblivious to? Like I said, its been a great relationship but its starting to get more serious now and I just thought I'd get some advice before it goes further. Thanks!
    Sounds like she might have been right.



  8. #8
    Addict
    Points: 126,037, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 3.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    Cybyassociation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,779
    Points
    126,037
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 693
    Given: 615

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Here's some advice: Don't come to CF for advice.

    It probably took her awhile to tell you because its a pretty serious issue and was probably a major part of her life. Sounds like she's gotten herself cleaned up and built up the trust in your relationship to finally tell you. I think you are taking this the wrong way. You should be proud of her for telling you, not second guessing.



  9. #9
    Speechless
    Points: 419,240, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 83.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteranOverdrive
    00clone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Iowa City area
    Posts
    19,336
    Points
    419,240
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 8,132
    Given: 1,874

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    I don't know that I'd freak out about it. I mean, she had been clean for 3 years before you got serious, if I'm doing the math right. If a person had something like that in their past, it would be something they'd probably be ashamed of, so it's not like you'd go down the street saying "hey, didja know I was a druggie?" (granted I'm being a bit over the top there) So, she probably hesitated telling you until you got serious, but then...well, what if I tell him and he runs now? and it went on from there, possibly getting harder as time went on.

    In the beginning, there are all sorts of secrets, but as it goes on down the path and you get closer, eventually you have to share them. If it's an appropriate time, (and I'm going off the 'starting to get more serious' comment) maybe this is a natural progression of that process for her, and you two should have a discussion about those types of things and getting rid of any remaining ones.





  10. #10
    Addict
    Points: 95,315, Level: 96
    Level completed: 14%, Points required for next Level: 1,735
    Overall activity: 15.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Spokane, WA
    Posts
    5,492
    Points
    95,315
    Level
    96
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,299
    Given: 5

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by GoSTATE71 View Post
    Hey all,

    Just wondering if anyone could shed some wisdom and advice on a dating situation I'm currently in. Basically, I've been seeing this girl seriously for close to a year now and she recently informed me that she used to have a serious drug problem but has since been clean for 4 years, and she has a masters in nursing now, works hard and from what I can tell, is a completely different person. Our relationship is fantastic, loving and a ton of fun and we get along great and have had no major arguments or fights to date. Now, what bugs me is that it took awhile for her to tell me. When I asked why she never told me she admitted that it was a long time ago and thought that I might judge her harshly for it or think differently of her and was scared it might mess up our relationship. We have since talked about it and I do feel somewhat better but is this a red flag I'm being oblivious to? Like I said, its been a great relationship but its starting to get more serious now and I just thought I'd get some advice before it goes further. Thanks!
    Chill - she HAD a problem, her life is in order by all accounts. Trust her going forward until she gives you a reason not to. Past is past and so many of us have bells we can't unring.



  11. #11
    Legend
    Points: 164,011, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 40.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteran
    Cyclonesince78's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    13,491
    Points
    164,011
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 5,372
    Given: 5,373

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by ISU42 View Post
    What drugs are we talking about?
    That is a fair question. If we're just talking weed, it's not even remotely an issue.

    Also does she still associate with the same people that she used with? And do they still use?


    #DropOutBernie

  12. #12
    Rookie
    Points: 8,732, Level: 27
    Level completed: 97%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran5000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    430
    Points
    8,732
    Level
    27
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 189
    Given: 160

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by GoSTATE71 View Post
    Hey all,

    Just wondering if anyone could shed some wisdom and advice on a dating situation I'm currently in. Basically, I've been seeing this girl seriously for close to a year now and she recently informed me that she used to have a serious drug problem but has since been clean for 4 years, and she has a masters in nursing now, works hard and from what I can tell, is a completely different person. Our relationship is fantastic, loving and a ton of fun and we get along great and have had no major arguments or fights to date. Now, what bugs me is that it took awhile for her to tell me. When I asked why she never told me she admitted that it was a long time ago and thought that I might judge her harshly for it or think differently of her and was scared it might mess up our relationship. We have since talked about it and I do feel somewhat better but is this a red flag I'm being oblivious to? Like I said, its been a great relationship but its starting to get more serious now and I just thought I'd get some advice before it goes further. Thanks!
    She should break up with you IMO.



  13. #13
    Legend
    Points: 195,112, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 32.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    isulive2train's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Ciclón Nación
    Posts
    10,021
    Points
    195,112
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 4,312
    Given: 2,178

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    She is open. Opposite is she wasn't open and the problem maybe comes back and you wouldn't have any clue of what is going on. Her guard is down. Do what you will as it is your life too.


    "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will ."

  14. #14
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 48,008, Level: 67
    Level completed: 76%, Points required for next Level: 342
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    GoSTATE71's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    3,722
    Points
    48,008
    Level
    67
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 49
    Given: 10

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure if its a judgement thing, but I've never really known anyone who has had a serious problem like that before her so I dont understand everything about it. However, like I said she was ashamed of it and was scared of what I'd think and maybe I'm over thinking the whole it took awhile to tell me. She takes the whole sobriety thing very seriously and even counsels troubled youth who might be on a bad path towards alcohol or drugs and I find that admirable. Anyways, I do appreciate the advice and replies.



  15. #15
    All-Star
    Points: 37,224, Level: 59
    Level completed: 48%, Points required for next Level: 626
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points
    IsUaClone2's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    In front of the computer
    Posts
    1,859
    Points
    37,224
    Level
    59
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 56
    Given: 132

    Re: Need some advice on a relationship

    If you cut her loose now, you'll only prove her fears correct. She'll likely never tell anybody the whole truth again.

    If you trust her and tell her truthfully you want to be there for her in the future, you'll likely build her trust and desire to please you beyond your expectations.


    Will will win!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • TV: TBA
  • Football Season Opener vs. UNI
  • September 3, 2016
  • 07:00 PM