Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 19
  1. #1
    Pro
    Points: 59,215, Level: 75
    Level completed: 45%, Points required for next Level: 835
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    besserheimerphat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Mount Vernon, WA
    Posts
    2,527
    Points
    59,215
    Level
    75
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 64
    Given: 71

    AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Lots of good engineer/techy jokes in here, plus some other funny stuff. What's the most intellectual joke you know? : AskReddit


    You can spend a lot of time and money picking out the perfect floral bouquet for your date ... but you're probably better off checking if you have bad breath and taking the porn out of the glove compartment.

    The moral: you gain more by not being stupid, than you do by being smart. Smart gets neutralized by other smart people. Stupid does not.

  2. #2
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 75,294, Level: 85
    Level completed: 27%, Points required for next Level: 1,256
    Overall activity: 21.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteran
    cyclonespiker33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    4,226
    Points
    75,294
    Level
    85
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 240
    Given: 49

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    I learned that I don't like intellectual jokes just now



  3. #3
    Pro
    Points: 48,163, Level: 67
    Level completed: 87%, Points required for next Level: 187
    Overall activity: 6.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points
    CYCLNST8's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Urbandale
    Posts
    2,374
    Points
    48,163
    Level
    67
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 213
    Given: 305

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    I'm gonna stick with the classic, "Pull my finger."




  4. #4
    Pro
    Points: 59,215, Level: 75
    Level completed: 45%, Points required for next Level: 835
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    besserheimerphat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Mount Vernon, WA
    Posts
    2,527
    Points
    59,215
    Level
    75
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 64
    Given: 71

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Oh come one, you have to admit some of those are funny. "You can't explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally."


    You can spend a lot of time and money picking out the perfect floral bouquet for your date ... but you're probably better off checking if you have bad breath and taking the porn out of the glove compartment.

    The moral: you gain more by not being stupid, than you do by being smart. Smart gets neutralized by other smart people. Stupid does not.

  5. #5
    Addict
    Points: 318,068, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 89.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteranOverdrive
    00clone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Iowa City area
    Posts
    7,795
    Points
    318,068
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,154
    Given: 238

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by besserheimerphat View Post
    Oh come one, you have to admit some of those are funny. "You can't explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally."

    *on* this is the intellectual jokes thread, please observe your spelling.



  6. #6
    Recruit
    Points: 2,759, Level: 15
    Level completed: 3%, Points required for next Level: 291
    Overall activity: 4.0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points1 year registered

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    123
    Points
    2,759
    Level
    15
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 2
    Given: 0

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Damn, can't we just keep reddit to reddit?



  7. #7
    Legend
    Points: 135,604, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 10.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteranOverdrive
    Judoka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Timbuktu
    Posts
    10,288
    Points
    135,604
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 302
    Given: 282

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Reddit? Naw, I'll stay away from sites that promote child porn.



  8. #8
    Addict
    Points: 94,674, Level: 95
    Level completed: 81%, Points required for next Level: 376
    Overall activity: 32.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteran
    cyclones500's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    8,821
    Points
    94,674
    Level
    95
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 162
    Given: 388

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    I didn't read all of them, but this is the first one that made me Smile Out Loud:

    Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting "oh ****, I forgot to feed the dog!"



  9. #9
    Addict
    Points: 94,674, Level: 95
    Level completed: 81%, Points required for next Level: 376
    Overall activity: 32.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsVeteran
    cyclones500's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    8,821
    Points
    94,674
    Level
    95
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 162
    Given: 388

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Some of my favorites:

    The programmer's wife tells her husband: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.


    A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?” and the linguist replies, “They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”


    Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drinks. “I think not,” Descartes says. And then he disappears.


    Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Fish.


    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    To.
    To who?
    No, to whom.


    Q: How many post-modernists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: To get to the other side.


    A woman walks into a bar, asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.



  10. #10
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 167,028, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 15.0%
    Achievements:
    1 year registered50000 Experience Points
    NickTheGreat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Johnston
    Posts
    3,755
    Points
    167,028
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 159
    Given: 193

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by cyclones500 View Post
    The programmer's wife tells her husband: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
    I'm not even a programmer, but that's HILARIOUS



  11. #11
    Rookie
    Points: 18,813, Level: 41
    Level completed: 85%, Points required for next Level: 137
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points
    bgprest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Plano, TX
    Posts
    533
    Points
    18,813
    Level
    41
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 1

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Not sure whether this was in the list but I've always liked the old question... "What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac think about when he's trying to fall asleep at night?".... "Is there a Dog?"



  12. #12
    Starter
    Points: 12,364, Level: 33
    Level completed: 60%, Points required for next Level: 286
    Overall activity: 3.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points
    mkcrawford's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    613
    Points
    12,364
    Level
    33
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 18
    Given: 40

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    A doctor, lawyer, and engineer are sentenced to be executed by a king, and the form of execution is set out as the gullotine (sp). The doctor is first and placed facing upward so that he witnesses his impending death. The King asks if the doctor if he has any last words, but the doctor says no. The blade comes racing down and stops suddenly just inches before cutting his head off. The King declares this a miracle and frees the doctor. Next up is the lawyer, he too is placed facing up. The King asks if he has any last works, but the lawyer says no. The blade comes racing downs and, again, stops suddenly inches before cutting his head off. The King declares this, too, a miracle and frees the lawyer. Next is the Engineer, he too is placed facing up. The King asks if he has any last words and the Engineer replies, "Wait, I see the problem".



  13. #13
    All-Star
    Points: 8,894, Level: 28
    Level completed: 24%, Points required for next Level: 456
    Overall activity: 22.0%
    Achievements:
    1 year registered5000 Experience Points
    WooClone15's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Wooster, OH
    Posts
    1,096
    Points
    8,894
    Level
    28
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 81
    Given: 133

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    One joke I like goes something like, "A bunch of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, 'I'll have a beer' the second one says 'I'll have half a beer', the third one says, 'I'll have a forth of a beer'. The bartender slams two beers on the counter and says **** off, I hate mathematicians. The other "joke" I heard recently that I really liked was one the daily show when john Oliver told a joke like an attorney would.
    Presumed Guiltocent - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 06/25/13 - Video Clip | Comedy Central



  14. #14
    Addict
    Points: 164,136, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 4.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsCreated Album picturesVeteran
    CtownCyclone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    8,662
    Points
    164,136
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 78
    Given: 73

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    This was told to me by Dr. Lueke:

    Pope John Paul II and several of his countrymen were flying from Rome to the US for a visit. The plane ride was extremely bumpy and uncomfortable. An engineer travelling on the flight asked the flight attendant how long they expected the turbulence to last. She explained to him that neither the pilot nor air traffic control could figure out why the flight was so bumpy. The engineer looked around and told the Pope and his entourage to get onto the left side of the aircraft. Immediately, the ride smoothed out. The attendant was amazed and asked the engineer how he fixed the problem. He replied, "For stability, you need to have all the Poles in the left half plane!"



  15. #15
    Swarm & Punish
    Points: 283,046, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 41.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    keepngoal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    19,432
    Points
    283,046
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 239
    Given: 514

    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Do not get.
    Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drinks. “I think not,” Descartes says. And then he disappears



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • Football
  • Iowa State vs. North Dakota State
  • August 30, 2014
  • 11:00 AM