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    AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Lots of good engineer/techy jokes in here, plus some other funny stuff. What's the most intellectual joke you know? : AskReddit


    You can spend a lot of time and money picking out the perfect floral bouquet for your date ... but you're probably better off checking if you have bad breath and taking the porn out of the glove compartment.

    The moral: you gain more by not being stupid, than you do by being smart. Smart gets neutralized by other smart people. Stupid does not.

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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    I learned that I don't like intellectual jokes just now



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    I'm gonna stick with the classic, "Pull my finger."




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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Oh come one, you have to admit some of those are funny. "You can't explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally."


    You can spend a lot of time and money picking out the perfect floral bouquet for your date ... but you're probably better off checking if you have bad breath and taking the porn out of the glove compartment.

    The moral: you gain more by not being stupid, than you do by being smart. Smart gets neutralized by other smart people. Stupid does not.

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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by besserheimerphat View Post
    Oh come one, you have to admit some of those are funny. "You can't explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally."

    *on* this is the intellectual jokes thread, please observe your spelling.



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Damn, can't we just keep reddit to reddit?



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Reddit? Naw, I'll stay away from sites that promote child porn.



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    I didn't read all of them, but this is the first one that made me Smile Out Loud:

    Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting "oh ****, I forgot to feed the dog!"



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Some of my favorites:

    The programmer's wife tells her husband: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.


    A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?” and the linguist replies, “They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”


    Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drinks. “I think not,” Descartes says. And then he disappears.


    Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Fish.


    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    To.
    To who?
    No, to whom.


    Q: How many post-modernists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: To get to the other side.


    A woman walks into a bar, asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by cyclones500 View Post
    The programmer's wife tells her husband: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
    I'm not even a programmer, but that's HILARIOUS



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Not sure whether this was in the list but I've always liked the old question... "What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac think about when he's trying to fall asleep at night?".... "Is there a Dog?"



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    A doctor, lawyer, and engineer are sentenced to be executed by a king, and the form of execution is set out as the gullotine (sp). The doctor is first and placed facing upward so that he witnesses his impending death. The King asks if the doctor if he has any last words, but the doctor says no. The blade comes racing down and stops suddenly just inches before cutting his head off. The King declares this a miracle and frees the doctor. Next up is the lawyer, he too is placed facing up. The King asks if he has any last works, but the lawyer says no. The blade comes racing downs and, again, stops suddenly inches before cutting his head off. The King declares this, too, a miracle and frees the lawyer. Next is the Engineer, he too is placed facing up. The King asks if he has any last words and the Engineer replies, "Wait, I see the problem".



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    One joke I like goes something like, "A bunch of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, 'I'll have a beer' the second one says 'I'll have half a beer', the third one says, 'I'll have a forth of a beer'. The bartender slams two beers on the counter and says **** off, I hate mathematicians. The other "joke" I heard recently that I really liked was one the daily show when john Oliver told a joke like an attorney would.
    Presumed Guiltocent - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 06/25/13 - Video Clip | Comedy Central



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    This was told to me by Dr. Lueke:

    Pope John Paul II and several of his countrymen were flying from Rome to the US for a visit. The plane ride was extremely bumpy and uncomfortable. An engineer travelling on the flight asked the flight attendant how long they expected the turbulence to last. She explained to him that neither the pilot nor air traffic control could figure out why the flight was so bumpy. The engineer looked around and told the Pope and his entourage to get onto the left side of the aircraft. Immediately, the ride smoothed out. The attendant was amazed and asked the engineer how he fixed the problem. He replied, "For stability, you need to have all the Poles in the left half plane!"



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    Re: AskReddit: Intellectual Jokes

    Do not get.
    Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drinks. “I think not,” Descartes says. And then he disappears



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