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  1. #46
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    I am Lutheran and my husband is Catholic and we were both raised pretty strongly in our respective faiths. Our situation was a bit more complex. Ten years before my current marriage I was married to a Lutheran for only about one year. In order to marry my current Catholic husband, I had to go through the whole annulment process through the Catholic church, then we had to complete the pre cana course with a sponsor couple and finally we had to meet with a Deacon at the diocese in order for the Catholic church to recognize our union as we were getting married in the Lutheran church.

    The set up of the pre cana meetings with the sponsor couple may be a bit odd to an outsider, but I would say that it does bring to light any disagreements you may have as a couple. Try to work any of those out prior to your marriage as thing only seem to be amplified once you are married.

    Neither my husband or myself changed religions and we have been married now 9 years. I did not want him pressuring me to change and I didn't feel it right to try to pressure him. We now respect each others religion and attend services with each other. Honestly, there are not a lot of differences between the Catholic and Lutheran faiths. We consider ourselves "Lutherics" or "Catherins".

    I will say, however, that I was not asked to sign anything that stated I would raise our children Catholic. I do find that to be incredibly offensive and would not have signed anything regarding that. If you choose to stay different faiths, I would suggest that you discuss and agree on how your children (if you choose to have them) will be raised. That conversation will not get easier once married and is a very important one. Good luck!



  2. #47
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by MNCyGuy View Post
    Honest questions: Are these same unacceptable facets of the church not an issue for your wife? If they are an issue for her, what is keeping you from going to another faith community that more closely resembles all of your true beliefs? Why do you have such a desire to keep your children in a faith community where you will eventually have to explain to them what things they are told to accept on faith your family actually believes and which they don't?
    I'm a Catholic that doesn't hold a number of the same opinions as Church doctrine. I haven't really considered changing to a Protestant church that would line up more with my own beliefs. I suppose I see the Church as more than just a list of beliefs to subscribe to.

    Long story short without getting too religious, there are many other characteristics of the Church beyond the doctrine that make it appealing to me and others who don't agree with some of it. However, I can also see why some who view religion from a different perspective, i.e. Protestantism and its 30,000+ denominations of Christianity, may not understand that.



  3. #48
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by cycopath25 View Post
    Getting married in Catholic Church by a priest, but not having a full mass.
    That's what we did as well. My mom had such a fit I wasn't having a "true" Catholic wedding.

    It was our day - not anyone else's.



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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by cycopath25 View Post
    I forgot about the test . . .
    What sort of questions can I anticipate?
    Think of it as playing "The Newlywed Game". They will ask a bunch of life questions: about having and raising children, about beliefs, about a marriage relationship, about handling money. I know I sound preachy when I say this but it should all be stuff that a couple has already discussed long before they are preparing to marry. Then they will compare your answers so you can talk through the issues where you disagree. It can be a useful exercise, especially if you haven't been together for over six years like we were when we got hitched.


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  5. #50
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by ISUFan22 View Post
    That's what we did as well. My mom had such a fit I wasn't having a "true" Catholic wedding.

    It was our day - not anyone else's.
    So important, so hard to remember once people start ******** about stuff.



  6. #51
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by CyStalker View Post

    I will say, however, that I was not asked to sign anything that stated I would raise our children Catholic. I do find that to be incredibly offensive and would not have signed anything regarding that.
    I asked about what if we didn't plan that and was told that they hoped that we would get married in whatever church we planned on raising our children in. You didn't get married in a Catholic Church so they didn't ask you to sign that.


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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by MNCyGuy View Post
    So important, so hard to remember once people start ******** about stuff.
    We held fast on a number of things. Wish we would have been more firm on a couple others - but was still a rather perfect day.

    Biggest regret is our portraits. Wish we would have invested more in that. Regretted that almost immediately. And when I started my studio - the regret just got worse.



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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by cycopath25 View Post
    I forgot about the test . . .
    What sort of questions can I anticipate?

    there were some that made me last "does his drug use bother you" "do his tv habits bother you?" "do you think his sexual desires will bother you?" type of thing. Most of them have "obvious" answers. Our priest didn't really talk about areas as being incompatible or failing, it was more of an "hey you both said you haven't discussed where to spend holidays - why don't we do that now?" or "you both said you would be the one handling finances" so let's discuss that. More of thing where those little things you might have just assumed about your partner get brought out into the open to discuss well before they become an issue.



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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by cycopath25 View Post
    Anyone here have that experience? I was raised Luthern, but some of this marriage prep stuff seems odd.
    We are Lutheran Missouri Synod and both of my kids married Catholics.



  10. #55
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    I think a lot of the pre-wedding stuff has to be done even with two Catholics marrying each other, although my husband and I got ours waived because we were living about a thousand miles apart for about a year before the wedding and were both in our mid-twenties.

    My sister's husband is Jewish and all of the difficult issues were on that end, but it was decades ago. He is not particularly religious and agreed the kids would be Catholic.

    It kind of boggles my mind, but it seems like lots of people do not discuss those basic issues unless someone makes them, like do you want kids? If so, how many? If so, do you want them raised in a faith? How do you handle family issues on holidays? Went to a wedding about a year ago and the couple is already getting divorced because the wife suddenly discovered the husband didn't want kids. Unbelievably there are apparently idiots who don't even ask the basic questions.



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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by carvers4math View Post
    I think a lot of the pre-wedding stuff has to be done even with two Catholics marrying each other, although my husband and I got ours waived because we were living about a thousand miles apart for about a year before the wedding and were both in our mid-twenties.

    My sister's husband is Jewish and all of the difficult issues were on that end, but it was decades ago. He is not particularly religious and agreed the kids would be Catholic.

    It kind of boggles my mind, but it seems like lots of people do not discuss those basic issues unless someone makes them, like do you want kids? If so, how many? If so, do you want them raised in a faith? How do you handle family issues on holidays? Went to a wedding about a year ago and the couple is already getting divorced because the wife suddenly discovered the husband didn't want kids. Unbelievably there are apparently idiots who don't even ask the basic questions.
    They're in love! All that small stuff will just work itself out.



  12. #57
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    I was born and raised Lutheran, my wife was born and raised, period. A very long time ago I had concerns about her never having been baptized, but I've since gotten over it. For her to be baptized now would be a sham to hedge bets on an afterlife that no one can really prove, just as if we were to baptize my kids now it'd be a sham since I have no belief in the church or religion in general anymore. My kids will be educated in Christianity, Science, and Humanities and may even attend Sunday school when old enough, though we'll definitely have discussions about what they learn afterwards. If they are ever to be baptized, I'd like them to be baptized by their own free choice as a decision they've made. Maybe by then the church will have evolved enough that I'd be willing to consider going back, but I doubt it. If anything, I see the Church hunkering down on the wrong side of core issues/values that matter to me and how I'll raise my family.

    I guess after all that I should mention that I met my wife on a Luther League trip in NOLA nearly 16 years ago, and we were married by my retired pastor (college classmate of my father) who took me to the convention (my parents wanted this). This July we'll have been together half of our lives, though we've only been married for 5 years (we lived together for 8 years before that).


    Last edited by BKLYNCyclone; 06-04-2013 at 02:14 PM.
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  13. #58
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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Anyone have experience or advice for a Catholic - Baptist wedding? I am not engaged, but have been dating a Baptist lady for a while now, so this topic interests me. I am Catholic but not devout. She is Baptist and doesn't want to convert.



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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    I was born and raised Catholic and she converted before the wedding. One of my very few demands for the wedding was that I would only get married in a church in a traditional ceremony. Her family isn't religious at all (she was never baptized anything) and some of her in-laws are very anti-Catholic in an ignorant-and-never-took-time-to-actually-learn-anything sort of way.


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    Re: Non-Catholic Marrying Catholic

    Quote Originally Posted by mtowncyclone13 View Post
    I was born and raised Catholic and she converted before the wedding. One of my very few demands for the wedding was that I would only get married in a church in a traditional ceremony. Her family isn't religious at all (she was never baptized anything) and some of her in-laws are very anti-Catholic in an ignorant-and-never-took-time-to-actually-learn-anything sort of way.
    I thought demands were usually reserved for hostage situations.



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