Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Writing Tips

  1. #1
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Writing Tips

    So, I just sent around an email at work with the following writing tips:

    1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
    6. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    7. Contractions aren't necessary.
    8. One should never generalize.
    9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
    10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
    11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
    12. Be more or less specific.
    13. Understatement is always best.
    14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    15. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

    My boss, clearly not getting the joke, replies all and says that this is great advice and that we should all use these tips in our written products. What a maroon.



  2. #2
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 84,703, Level: 90
    Level completed: 53%, Points required for next Level: 847
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience PointsCreated Album pictures
    azepp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Ankeny
    Posts
    3,964
    Points
    84,703
    Level
    90
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 186
    Given: 128

    Re: Writing Tips

    It's the off season.




  3. #3
    Speechless
    Points: 318,772, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 63.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranSocial50000 Experience PointsOverdrive
    cowgirl836's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    26,848
    Points
    318,772
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 7,110
    Given: 9,555

    Re: Writing Tips

    He's not what you would call observant, eh?



  4. #4
    Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence
    Points: 674,833, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 50.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialYour first GroupVeteran50000 Experience PointsRecommendation Second Class
    Mr Janny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    28,058
    Points
    674,833
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 6,757
    Given: 628

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    So, I just sent around an email at work with the following writing tips:

    1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
    6. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    7. Contractions aren't necessary.
    8. One should never generalize.
    9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
    10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
    11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
    12. Be more or less specific.
    13. Understatement is always best.
    14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    15. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

    My boss, clearly not getting the joke, replies all and says that this is great advice and that we should all use these tips in our written products. What a maroon.

    That's awesome.

    At a job I used to have, I hung up a piece of paper in my cubicle, with the quote:
    "Trying is the first step toward failure."
    -Homer Simpson

    My boss came around one day, read it, patted me on the back and told me that he was glad that I was such a good self motivator. He then brought it up in a staff meeting we had later, and told everyone on the team how I was a setting a good example of taking pride in your work.


    Last edited by Mr Janny; 05-17-2013 at 10:49 AM.
    "What a horrible night to have a curse."
    -Simon Belmont

    "Please bury me with all my stuff, because you know it's mine..."
    -Master Shake

    "Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood."
    -Lorem Ipsum

  5. #5
    All-Star
    Points: 38,344, Level: 60
    Level completed: 42%, Points required for next Level: 706
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,699
    Points
    38,344
    Level
    60
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 258
    Given: 323

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    So, I just sent around an email at work with the following writing tips:

    1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
    6. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    7. Contractions aren't necessary.
    8. One should never generalize.
    9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
    10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
    11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
    12. Be more or less specific.
    13. Understatement is always best.
    14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    15. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

    My boss, clearly not getting the joke, replies all and says that this is great advice and that we should all use these tips in our written products. What a maroon.
    Is it possible you are not getting the boss's joke?



  6. #6
    Speechless
    Points: 274,379, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 53.0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsOverdriveVeteran
    Rabbuk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    20,688
    Points
    274,379
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 3,849
    Given: 168

    Re: Writing Tips

    Incompetence always rising to the top.


    The Official Paul Rhode's Salt Truck Driver.

  7. #7
    Speechless
    Points: 318,772, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 63.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranSocial50000 Experience PointsOverdrive
    cowgirl836's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    26,848
    Points
    318,772
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 7,110
    Given: 9,555

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by LutherBlue View Post
    Is it possible you are not getting the boss's joke?


    hmmmm yeah was there a jimlad way down at the bottom of his reply?



  8. #8
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by LutherBlue View Post
    Is it possible you are not getting the boss's joke?
    Not at all.

    I once said to my boss, "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,"

    I was met with a blank stare for 5 seconds followed with "...and what's the other kind?".

    And what would be the joke, anyways? That my boss actually understands the humor but is pretending not to? Hilarious.



  9. #9
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Janny View Post
    That's awesome.

    At a job I used to have, I hung up a piece of paper in my cubicle, with the quote:
    "Trying is the first step toward failure."
    -Homer Simpson

    My boss came around one day, read it, patted me on the back and told me that he was glad that I was such a good self motivator. He then brought it up in a staff meeting we had later, and told everyone on the team how I was a setting a good example of taking pride in your work.
    I liked your prior spelling of cubical. I'm going to start using it.



  10. #10
    Welcome to the Office of Secret Intelligence
    Points: 674,833, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 50.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialYour first GroupVeteran50000 Experience PointsRecommendation Second Class
    Mr Janny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    28,058
    Points
    674,833
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 6,757
    Given: 628

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    I liked your prior spelling of cubical. I'm going to start using it.
    you caught me!


    "What a horrible night to have a curse."
    -Simon Belmont

    "Please bury me with all my stuff, because you know it's mine..."
    -Master Shake

    "Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood."
    -Lorem Ipsum

  11. #11
    All-Star
    Points: 38,344, Level: 60
    Level completed: 42%, Points required for next Level: 706
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,699
    Points
    38,344
    Level
    60
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 258
    Given: 323

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    Not at all.

    I once said to my boss, "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,"

    I was met with a blank stare for 5 seconds followed with "...and what's the other kind?".

    And what would be the joke, anyways? That my boss actually understands the humor but is pretending not to? Hilarious.
    Not knowing your boss, I thought he might be piggybacking on your joke.

    If he is so stupid ... what are you doing there?



  12. #12
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by LutherBlue View Post
    Not knowing your boss, I thought he might be piggybacking on your joke.

    If he is so stupid ... what are you doing there?
    She's actually a great boss and a very intelligent person, despite the non-existent sense of humor.



  13. #13
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 76,053, Level: 85
    Level completed: 71%, Points required for next Level: 497
    Overall activity: 2.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    aauummm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Altoona, Iowa
    Posts
    4,326
    Points
    76,053
    Level
    85
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 318
    Given: 4,388

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    She's actually a great boss and a very intelligent person, despite the non-existent sense of humor.
    Two out of three isn't too bad. How about is she a hok fan, is she hot, and is she single? Not that I want to know but there are other guys on here that might be interested!


    A storm is brewing.

  14. #14
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by aauummm View Post
    Two out of three isn't too bad. How about is she a hok fan, is she hot, and is she single? Not that I want to know but there are other guys on here that might be interested!
    She's a Tar Heel, married, and has a 318 area code (in her mid 30s).



  15. #15
    KFitzy87
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    She's a Tar Heel, married, and has a 318 area code (in her mid 30s).
    Paper bag



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • TV: TBA
  • Football Season Opener vs. UNI
  • September 3, 2016
  • 07:00 PM