Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: Writing Tips

  1. #1
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Writing Tips

    So, I just sent around an email at work with the following writing tips:

    1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
    6. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    7. Contractions aren't necessary.
    8. One should never generalize.
    9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
    10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
    11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
    12. Be more or less specific.
    13. Understatement is always best.
    14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    15. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

    My boss, clearly not getting the joke, replies all and says that this is great advice and that we should all use these tips in our written products. What a maroon.



  2. #2
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 84,644, Level: 90
    Level completed: 50%, Points required for next Level: 906
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience PointsCreated Album pictures
    azepp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Ankeny
    Posts
    3,963
    Points
    84,644
    Level
    90
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 183
    Given: 128

    Re: Writing Tips

    It's the off season.




  3. #3
    Legend
    Points: 206,647, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 75.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranSocial50000 Experience Points
    cowgirl836's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Madison, WI
    Posts
    11,929
    Points
    206,647
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,117
    Given: 1,110

    Re: Writing Tips

    He's not what you would call observant, eh?



  4. #4
    Hooper drives the boat, Chief
    Points: 599,886, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 50.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialYour first GroupVeteran50000 Experience PointsRecommendation Second Class
    Mr Janny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    22,260
    Points
    599,886
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,263
    Given: 113

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    So, I just sent around an email at work with the following writing tips:

    1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
    6. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    7. Contractions aren't necessary.
    8. One should never generalize.
    9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
    10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
    11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
    12. Be more or less specific.
    13. Understatement is always best.
    14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    15. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

    My boss, clearly not getting the joke, replies all and says that this is great advice and that we should all use these tips in our written products. What a maroon.

    That's awesome.

    At a job I used to have, I hung up a piece of paper in my cubicle, with the quote:
    "Trying is the first step toward failure."
    -Homer Simpson

    My boss came around one day, read it, patted me on the back and told me that he was glad that I was such a good self motivator. He then brought it up in a staff meeting we had later, and told everyone on the team how I was a setting a good example of taking pride in your work.


    Last edited by Mr Janny; 05-17-2013 at 10:49 AM.
    "What a horrible night to have a curse."
    -Simon Belmont

    "Please bury me with all my stuff, because you know it's mine..."
    -Master Shake

    "Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood."
    -Lorem Ipsum

  5. #5
    All-Star
    Points: 32,303, Level: 55
    Level completed: 33%, Points required for next Level: 747
    Overall activity: 3.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,377
    Points
    32,303
    Level
    55
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 62
    Given: 66

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    So, I just sent around an email at work with the following writing tips:

    1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
    6. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    7. Contractions aren't necessary.
    8. One should never generalize.
    9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
    10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
    11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
    12. Be more or less specific.
    13. Understatement is always best.
    14. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    15. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

    My boss, clearly not getting the joke, replies all and says that this is great advice and that we should all use these tips in our written products. What a maroon.
    Is it possible you are not getting the boss's joke?



  6. #6
    Legend
    Points: 213,082, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    50000 Experience PointsOverdriveVeteran

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    14,167
    Points
    213,082
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 922
    Given: 50

    Re: Writing Tips

    Incompetence always rising to the top.



  7. #7
    Legend
    Points: 206,647, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 75.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranSocial50000 Experience Points
    cowgirl836's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Madison, WI
    Posts
    11,929
    Points
    206,647
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,117
    Given: 1,110

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by LutherBlue View Post
    Is it possible you are not getting the boss's joke?


    hmmmm yeah was there a jimlad way down at the bottom of his reply?



  8. #8
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by LutherBlue View Post
    Is it possible you are not getting the boss's joke?
    Not at all.

    I once said to my boss, "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,"

    I was met with a blank stare for 5 seconds followed with "...and what's the other kind?".

    And what would be the joke, anyways? That my boss actually understands the humor but is pretending not to? Hilarious.



  9. #9
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Janny View Post
    That's awesome.

    At a job I used to have, I hung up a piece of paper in my cubicle, with the quote:
    "Trying is the first step toward failure."
    -Homer Simpson

    My boss came around one day, read it, patted me on the back and told me that he was glad that I was such a good self motivator. He then brought it up in a staff meeting we had later, and told everyone on the team how I was a setting a good example of taking pride in your work.
    I liked your prior spelling of cubical. I'm going to start using it.



  10. #10
    Hooper drives the boat, Chief
    Points: 599,886, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 50.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialYour first GroupVeteran50000 Experience PointsRecommendation Second Class
    Mr Janny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    22,260
    Points
    599,886
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,263
    Given: 113

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    I liked your prior spelling of cubical. I'm going to start using it.
    you caught me!


    "What a horrible night to have a curse."
    -Simon Belmont

    "Please bury me with all my stuff, because you know it's mine..."
    -Master Shake

    "Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood."
    -Lorem Ipsum

  11. #11
    All-Star
    Points: 32,303, Level: 55
    Level completed: 33%, Points required for next Level: 747
    Overall activity: 3.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran25000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,377
    Points
    32,303
    Level
    55
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 62
    Given: 66

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    Not at all.

    I once said to my boss, "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,"

    I was met with a blank stare for 5 seconds followed with "...and what's the other kind?".

    And what would be the joke, anyways? That my boss actually understands the humor but is pretending not to? Hilarious.
    Not knowing your boss, I thought he might be piggybacking on your joke.

    If he is so stupid ... what are you doing there?



  12. #12
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by LutherBlue View Post
    Not knowing your boss, I thought he might be piggybacking on your joke.

    If he is so stupid ... what are you doing there?
    She's actually a great boss and a very intelligent person, despite the non-existent sense of humor.



  13. #13
    Hall-Of-Famer
    Points: 60,880, Level: 76
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 770
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    aauummm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    In an RV Park, far away
    Posts
    3,693
    Points
    60,880
    Level
    76
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 60
    Given: 542

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    She's actually a great boss and a very intelligent person, despite the non-existent sense of humor.
    Two out of three isn't too bad. How about is she a hok fan, is she hot, and is she single? Not that I want to know but there are other guys on here that might be interested!



  14. #14
    DistrictCyclone
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by aauummm View Post
    Two out of three isn't too bad. How about is she a hok fan, is she hot, and is she single? Not that I want to know but there are other guys on here that might be interested!
    She's a Tar Heel, married, and has a 318 area code (in her mid 30s).



  15. #15
    KFitzy87
    Guest

    Re: Writing Tips

    Quote Originally Posted by DistrictCyclone View Post
    She's a Tar Heel, married, and has a 318 area code (in her mid 30s).
    Paper bag



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • TV: FOX
  • Iowa State vs. Baylor
  • September 27, 2014
  • 07:20 PM