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    Worth More Laughs Today

    The Best of Late Nite Jokes


    Thursday Nov 01 2007 Late Nite Jokes Archive


    The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

    My Halloween was marred. Horrible incident. A kid dressed as O.J. broke into my house and stole all my candy.

    Dennis Kucinich admitted during the debate the other night that he had seen a UFO close up. Dennis Kucinich doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would see a UFO. He seems like the kind of guy you’d see coming out of a UFO.

    Hillary Clinton’s meltdown during the debates the other night continues to be the big story. Even Bill Clinton said it was Hillary’s worst performance since their honeymoon.

    The Atlanta International Airport is now considering shorter flushes in its bathrooms to help cope with the drought. Shorter flushes on their toilets. Or as Sen. Larry Craig calls that, speed dating.

    Late Show with David Letterman

    Joe Girardi was introduced today as the new manager of the New York Yankees. Girardi says it’s going to be tough coming up with a team on only a $300 million payroll.

    Democratic debate last night. Tough night for Bill Richardson. During the entire debate, the only question Tim Russert asked was, “. . . And you are?

    Does anyone know anything about Dennis Kucinich running for president? Can you prove it? In the debate he claimed he once saw a UFO. He also claims aliens introduced him to his hot wife.

    Late Night with Conan O'Brien

    Political experts are criticizing Hillary Clinton’s performance at the recent debate as her worst performance of the year. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “That’s what you think.”

    Last night the New Jersey Devils played their first home game in the new $380 million stadium. Newark residents say the new arena is classy place to get shot outside of.

    This week Wal-Mart started selling a $199 computer. What they don’t tell you is the computer is actually an Etch-a-Sketch taped to a toaster oven.

    The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

    It’s World Vegan Day. Strict vegetarian day. So be kind to vegetables.

    I had an uncle who was a strict vegetarian. When he died there was a big turn up at his funeral.

    Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing!

    A hunter in Minnesota is recovering after he was shot by his dog. His dog! In the dog’s defense, the man was wearing a Michael Vick jersey.

    Jimmy Kimmel Live!

    What a crazy Halloween in Hollywood last night. I saw more half-naked women on the streets last night than I usually see here.

    Some of them were actually women too, which is nice for a change.

    My arm is killing me from throwing eggs last night.


    Let my Fred's Posse Ride: Georges, Naz, Hogue, Bryce, Nader, Monte, Matt, and McKay.

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    Re: Worth More Laughs Today

    The archive summarizes all the late night punch lines.


    Let my Fred's Posse Ride: Georges, Naz, Hogue, Bryce, Nader, Monte, Matt, and McKay.

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    Re: Worth More Laughs Today

    Letterman's Top Ten was priceless last nite: "Top Ten signs your dog hates you."


    Chuck Lidell: I paint my toenails with pink and black polish. Problem is, I get more paint on my toes and on the carpet than on my nails. Any advice?
    Maria Sharapova: Don't you beat up other guys for a living? I don't know how to answer this.



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