Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 32

Thread: Halloween Joke

  1. #1
    Addict
    Points: 56,763, Level: 73
    Level completed: 81%, Points required for next Level: 287
    Overall activity: 1.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    guitarchitect7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    6,318
    Points
    56,763
    Level
    73
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 1

    Halloween Joke

    Probably not funny, but thought it would spark a good thread.

    How many hawkeyes to screw in a lightbulb? Three! One to steal it, one who trys to push it in instead of screwing it in, and the other to blame the blub because it won't fit!


    "You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." -- Ernie Banks



  2. #2
    All-Star Achievements:
    Veteran5000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    1,384
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many gun control advocates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: NONE! Because they've already made darkness against the law. (And why do all these people keep ******** about tripping over stuff and not being able to find what they're looking for?)


    A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.


    A Man Is What He Does When It Counts

  3. #3
    All-Star Achievements:
    Veteran5000 Experience Points

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Germany
    Posts
    1,384
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many Iowa State Republican Party Members does it take to replace a lightbulb?

    A: NONE! They'd rather sit in the dark than abandon their principles and change.


    A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.


    A Man Is What He Does When It Counts

  4. #4
    Legend
    Points: 287,984, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    CloneAggie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,854
    Points
    287,984
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Nine - four to block the entrance to the room, four to hold up pictures of burnt-out bulbs, and one to try and convince the person with the new bulb to let the room stay dark.


    And in fairness...


    Q: How many pro-choicers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Two, one to do it and one to assert that the bulb didn't exist before it was lit up.



  5. #5
    Legend
    Points: 287,984, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    CloneAggie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,854
    Points
    287,984
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q. How many Christians fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!



  6. #6
    Speechless
    Points: 489,629, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 44.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    jdoggivjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Sterling Heights, MI
    Posts
    33,031
    Points
    489,629
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,159
    Given: 822

    Re: Halloween Joke

    I could get in a lot of trouble for my lightbulb joke...


    Chuck Lidell: I paint my toenails with pink and black polish. Problem is, I get more paint on my toes and on the carpet than on my nails. Any advice?
    Maria Sharapova: Don't you beat up other guys for a living? I don't know how to answer this.



  7. #7
    Legend
    Points: 287,984, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    CloneAggie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,854
    Points
    287,984
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while; the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away; the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.



  8. #8
    Legend
    Points: 287,984, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    CloneAggie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,854
    Points
    287,984
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many Doctor McCoys does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: "Damn it, Jim; I'm a DOCTOR, not an electrician!"



  9. #9
    Legend
    Points: 287,984, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 12.0%
    Achievements:
    VeteranCreated Album pictures50000 Experience Points
    CloneAggie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    14,854
    Points
    287,984
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None. They wait for three days and it comes back on by itself!



  10. #10
    Addict
    Points: 136,722, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    clones_jer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    IA
    Posts
    8,338
    Points
    136,722
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 4
    Given: 0

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by CloneAggie View Post
    Q: How many Doctor McCoys does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: "Damn it, Jim; I'm a DOCTOR, not an electrician!"
    The best so far by far


    how about ...

    Q: How many house flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: only 2, a male and a female - the trick is getting 'em in there and getting her "in the mood"



  11. #11
    Legend
    Points: 387,504, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 11.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialRecommendation Second ClassVeteran50000 Experience Points
    bos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    23,979
    Points
    387,504
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 737
    Given: 557

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by jdoggivjc View Post
    I could get in a lot of trouble for my lightbulb joke...

    Let's hear it teaser!!!



  12. #12
    Bench Warmer
    Points: 11,323, Level: 32
    Level completed: 11%, Points required for next Level: 627
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran10000 Experience Points
    Cyberclone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    311
    Points
    11,323
    Level
    32
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 0
    Given: 5

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: Only one, but it sure takes a lot of light bulbs!


    Last edited by HILLCYD; 10-29-2007 at 11:38 AM. Reason: Circumventing the language filter

  13. #13
    Speechless
    Points: 489,629, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 44.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    jdoggivjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Sterling Heights, MI
    Posts
    33,031
    Points
    489,629
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,159
    Given: 822

    Re: Halloween Joke

    Quote Originally Posted by bostinelosd View Post
    Let's hear it teaser!!!
    Actually, it was a very "sexist" joke, until I realized that if I turned it into a Hawk/Cyclones joke it's appropriate for everyone and even funnier!


    Chuck Lidell: I paint my toenails with pink and black polish. Problem is, I get more paint on my toes and on the carpet than on my nails. Any advice?
    Maria Sharapova: Don't you beat up other guys for a living? I don't know how to answer this.



  14. #14
    Speechless
    Points: 489,629, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 44.0%
    Achievements:
    SocialVeteran50000 Experience Points
    jdoggivjc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Sterling Heights, MI
    Posts
    33,031
    Points
    489,629
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 1,159
    Given: 822

    Re: Halloween Joke

    How many Cyclones does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None - it's a Hawkeye's job!

    How many Hawkeyes does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None - they'll just sit in the dark and ***** all night long...

    And one bonus one:

    How many undergraduate EIU students does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None - that's a graduate level class


    Chuck Lidell: I paint my toenails with pink and black polish. Problem is, I get more paint on my toes and on the carpet than on my nails. Any advice?
    Maria Sharapova: Don't you beat up other guys for a living? I don't know how to answer this.



  15. #15
    Legend
    Points: 205,542, Level: 100
    Level completed: 0%, Points required for next Level: 0
    Overall activity: 15.0%
    Achievements:
    Veteran50000 Experience Points
    jbhtexas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Arlington, TX
    Posts
    11,011
    Points
    205,542
    Level
    100
    Thumbs Up
    Received: 314
    Given: 198

    Re: Halloween Joke

    I wonder how many CFers it takes to screw in a lightbulb???


    "Don't worry Boss...they can't do nothin' 'til they're through sparklin'..."

    Avatar - America's new superhero...Cenex Guy

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
  • TV: FS1
  • FOOTBALL: Iowa State vs. West Virginia
  • November 29, 2014
  • 11:00 AM