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  1. #1
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    Big 12 Hosts Lame Rush Party to Attract New Schools

    Kansas City, Missouri - With its numbers dwindling, the Big 12 is hosting a really lame rush party to recruit new schools to the conference. A gaudy banner has been hung outside the Big 12 headquarters in Kansas City persuading passersby to “Rush Big 12!”. In addition to free pizza and drinks, the Big 12 is offering free entry to the big-screen TV giveaway and free phone upgrades to schools who join.

    When Cyclonefanatic showed up to the event, they were told to make themselves comfortable while the Big 12 Commissioner attended to “some Mountain West school”. They were also advised by a Big 12 attendant to stay away from Conference Room 3C, since the guys from Kansas State were “building a time machine”.

    “Anytime someone puts a gigantic gorilla in the lawn,” stated the Big 12 Commissioner Chuck Neinas as he gestured to the 18-foot inflatable monster just outside the main lobby, “it’s going to be a rockin’ time!”. He continued by adding “the new Lady Ga Ga CD is on loop and we’ll also have coffee and cookies in the library on first floor for the university presidents.”

    As the Commissioner took Cyclonefanatic around the lobby, he was quick to point out the Big 12’s rich history in each of the picture frames. “You can see in this one that it’s the first year of the conference and the Missouri crew ended up parking their cars on the lawn,” explained the commissioner. “They still do it to this day, but we re-seed twice a year. We want them to feel comfortable as they come and go.”

    Cyclonefanatic inquired about the Nebraska, Colorado, and Texas A&M departure. “Yeah, we lost a couple of schools, but some times a particular conference is not a good fit for a school,” stated Neinas. “I mean, the Nebraska guys where he for a while... They seemed friendly on the outside, but there were actually massive $#@%$. We were sorry to see A&M go.” He finally offered, “you guys should see our kick-$$$ roof!”.

    Neinas went quiet when asked about what first-year schools would be responsible for after joining the conference, but finally offered, “the usual cleaning and snow sweeping duties here at the KC office would apply, but gravely when you compare it to other conferences,” before performing a 45-second keg stand.

    When asked about the make-up of the conference, recruitment coordinator John Torres replied that “we’ve got a lot of guys from Texas and that’s cool. DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS, you know! But yeah, don’t mess with them. They are angry and have guns, so we keep them on one floor to limit fatalities of bystanders, you know.”

    “We’ve posted signs in coffee shops, telephone poles and memorial unions across the country,” stated the Big 12 Commissioner. “We are looking for the right fit. We are a quality conference with a name you can trust. I mean, Big ‘12’ and we got ten schools,” he continued and then back-pedalled, “Poor example, but a quality conference with quality schools in a quality atmosphere looking for more quality schools. We’ve got something that would be helpful in the development of new schools and are looking for the right schools to contribute.”

    “You can get yourself on TV,” blurted Neinas over a microphone. “Everyone loves TV, right?! Anyone up for playing some sand volleyball with girls for the SEC? Let’s get trashed!”

    After falling off a nearby picnic table, Torres screamed, “IT’S TIME TO TAKE THIS ***** ON THE ROAD!”.



  2. #2
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    Re: Big 12 Hosts Lame Rush Party to Attract New Schools



    read this post quickly - it might not last long

  3. #3
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    Re: Big 12 Hosts Lame Rush Party to Attract New Schools

    I know this is in jest, but aren't the Big XII offices in Dallas?



  4. #4
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    Re: Big 12 Hosts Lame Rush Party to Attract New Schools

    Reading that is 2 minutes of my life that I wasted and will never get back. What in the hell?



  5. #5
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    Re: Big 12 Hosts Lame Rush Party to Attract New Schools

    IT HURTS MY EYES



  6. #6
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    Re: Big 12 Hosts Lame Rush Party to Attract New Schools

    This is a real story. Pictured (l-r) are representatives from Oklahoma, Mizzou, and Texas.



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