ALABAMA – Our state bird is the NASCAR.
ALASKA - I can see seasonal depression disorder from here.
ARIZONA - Keeping Indians in and Mexicans out.
ARKANSAS – Great scenery, brilliant peopl- Sorry. We’ve got Walmart?
CALIFORNIA - Gay Mexican boobjob computer hippies who really wanna direct.
COLORADO - Snow! Cocaine, I mean, but we’re also known for skiing.
CONNECTICUT – Great schools, because there’s nothing else to do.
DELAWARE – Come, we’ve got low incorporation fees. No seriously, please come.
FLORIDA – The further north you go, the further south it gets.
GEORGIA – Atlanta! We’re kind of ashamed of the rest of it, though.
HAWAII – If you lived here you’d be lazy too.
IDAHO – Potatoes and Napoleon Dynamite, god we’re cool.
ILLINOIS – Look, a non-corrupt politician for once. So far.
INDIANA - You have to drive through us to get somewhere better.
IOWA - 56,000 square miles of dull.
KANSAS – White-breds making wheat bread.
KENTUCKY – Farming from the future, textbooks from 1925.
LOUISIANA – Thanks BP, as if we didn’t have enough problems.
MAINE – A wicked lot a’ moose, eh?
MARYLAND – Have Jeeves bring the lobster boat around.
MASSACHUSETTS – Our chief export is obnoxious Pats Fans.
MICHIGAN - Cereal makers, serial killers.
MINNESOTA - Too nice not to elect douchy governors.
MISSISSIPPI – I’m gonna need a bigger Bible belt.
MISSOURI - We’re #1! In meth.
MONTANA – Speed limits don’t matter when you’re drunk.
NEBRASKA – Footballs, drawls and overalls.
NEVADA – No laws, no problem! Except all the murders.
NEW HAMPSHIRE – Half hippie, half French, all upper class.
NEW JERSEY - Guidos, Turnpikes, Leeching off New York and Philly.
NEW MEXICO - Like regular Mexico, but with more UFOs.
NEW YORK - World’s 14th biggest city, 1st biggest ego.
NORTH CAROLINA – First in flight and lung cancer.
NORTH DAKOTA – Somehow even worse than South Dakota.
OHIO – People care about us at election time!
OKLAHOMA - Ten days tornado free!
OREGON - Dreadlocks on white people.
PENNSYLVANIA – Even our Amish will fight you.
RHODE ISLAND - No seriously, we’re a state.
SOUTH CAROLINA - Still accepting confederate dollars.
SOUTH DAKOTA – At least we’re not North Dakota.
TENNESSEE – Where White Music comes from.
TEXAS – Everything is bigger, even our morons.
UTAH – Multiple homely wives.
VERMONT – Gay marriages on maple syrup farms.
VIRGINIA – From center of civilization to Hicksville in 20 minutes flat.
WASHINGTON - Richer hippies than Oregon.
WEST VIRGINIA –The inbred love child of Virgina and DC.
WISCONSIN – It’s too cold to be sober.
WYOMING – We don’t have any gay cowboys, alright? OK, maybe a few gay cowboys.